1. Queer boy in an open relationship with a silly question. I’ve started seeing someone recently. They’re cute and I enjoy their company, but they use a lot of cologne and it’s hurting my desire to be physical with them. I don’t know this person well and our trajectory is towards a friends-with-benefits sort of situation at best, so I’m not sure what I owe them here. Should I say something or back away?
Asking someone to use less cologne is like asking someone to use less cocaine: they’re going to take offense, deny using too much, and accuse you of being the one with a problem. So, unless this person is someone you’re hoping to get serious about — and it doesn’t sound like they are — it’s not worth it.
2. I need a girl in my life.
Good luck with that.
3. Is it unethical to preemptively block people on Grindr who I know I would never consider fucking?
A man gets on Grindr because he’s looking for dick and/or ass right now — and if your dick and/or ass isn’t available to him, blocking him is a courtesy, as it frees up room on his grid for guys whose dicks and/or asses are available.
4. What book do you recommend for someone just beginning to explore the Dom/sub relationship?
I would recommend Playing Well with Others by Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams, both volumes of The Funny Dom’s Guide to Kink by The Funny Dom, and Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy’s The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book. You could also follow — and learn a lot from — Lina “Ask a Sub” Dune, who hosts a podcast and writes a newsletter (where you can find her terrific advice columns), and Alesandra of Dom/Sub Living, who blogs, memes, and teaches courses on Dom/sub relationships.
5. I am a (mostly? formerly?) straight man in a blue city in Texas. Six years ago, I got Peyronie’s disease, which contributed to the dissolution of my marriage. It has been rough — xaiflex treatments, a hematoma that only three percent get, an ER visit, delays — but I finally got surgery and a month later was cleared for sexual activity. But since that day my sexuality and kinks have been changing every day. One day Latinas, one day short girls, one day girls into impact play. Then a 5’1” femboy messaged me on Reddit about being my sub. So, where do I find these short and feminine adult boys that are into Daddies? I feel like I can finally be honest about my want and need without shame now.
You can meet plenty of people who claim to be 5’1” femboys on the Internet — they’re all over Reddit and hookup apps (you can even find them fixing cars on Instagram and making swords on Twitter) — and while some of the femboys on Reddit and hookup apps are probably 6’2” masculine dudes or 5’2” cis women who won’t want to meet up with you in real life, some are who they claim to be and will be willing to meet up with a hot daddy.
6. I “safeworded” out of a kink scene and my Dom pouted for two days. Is that a red flag?
Doms who pout when subs use safewords want their subs to hesitate to use safewords in future scenes — which is a definite red flag. Basically, any Dom who doesn’t respond to a safeword with an immediate cessation of the scene, an expression of genuine concern, and an offer of ice cream isn’t a Dom you want to see again.
Read the rest of this week’s column here! And this week on the Lovecast: Can you peg your dom? She is a switch, so she knows both sides of the dom/sub dynamic. Her dom wants her to peg him, but she worries she’ll slip into dom mode. Dan coaches her on how to stay submissive in her head.
Our guest this week is Jeremy Alder. The former fundamentalist Christian pastor made a U-turn and became a comedian instead. Their loss is our gain- Alder is dryly funny, sweet and bold in the face unkind, hypocritical Christianity. He and Dan talk about the disaster of homeschooling, buying guns for loved ones, and having a slutty phase after leaving the church. LISTEN HERE!
