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Dan Savage

In addition to being a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist, the author of several books, and the host of the Savage Lovecast, Savage is “a deviant of the highest order” (Daily Caller). He does not like to be hugged.
Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: The Rich Are Different

“I am incredibly rich, sexy, and have lots of lovers. Whatever will I do??“
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I am a 45-year-old woman married to a wonderful 43-year-old man. We just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. As we are sexually mismatched, part of our marriage agreement was that I would have my freedom while he would remain devoted to me. How has that worked out? Wonderfully, for the most part. While my husband’s […]

Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Ace Space Case

“As a sex-repulsed asexual gay man, I feel alienated when I enter gay spaces like bars, parties, clubs.”
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I am a 28-year-old cisgender sex-repulsed asexual gay man. While some asexuals choose to have sex for the pleasure it provides their partner, sex-repulsed asexuals like me do not engage in sexual activity and do not wish to be exposed to it. As a sex-repulsed asexual gay man, I feel alienated when I enter gay […]

Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Struggle Sessions

It’s amateur night at Savage Love, where YOU get to give snappy answers to desperate questions!
Avatar photo Dan Savage

Dear Readers: It’s my birthday this week — thank you very much — and I’ve retreated to a secret, undisclosed location (without Internet access!) to ignore, er, celebrate the occasion. So, in place of a regular column (you ask, I answer) below you’ll find some questions I posted to Struggle Session, a weekly bonus column […]

Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Quickies

Get your Savage hot takes to your most pressing quick questions here! And don’t miss this week’s SAVAGE LOVECAST with guest Caleb Hearon!
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1. Quick & dirty question about online dating: What’s the best next step after texting? Audio message? Phone call? Video date? Or a quick, in-person meet-up? I recommend a quick video call — a brief FaceTime chat — before that first brief, in-person meeting in a public place. If someone isn’t willing to jump on […]

Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Vice Grips

Can you “fuck the Republican” out of someone? Dan—and a former sworn enemy—issue a ruling.
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I’m a gay man in his early 30s who’s into sex stripped down to its most basic elements: tops come in, fuck me, come and go. I’ve moved to a new city. One guy in his mid-twenties came over, and we had awkward but passionate sex like that. We chatted a little afterward. I went […]

Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Role Perversal

A longtime couple finally admit their sexy fantasies… but can’t carry them out! WHAT CAN BE DONE?
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After 19 years together, my husband and I have finally managed to have a really good conversation about our desires. We both struggled to nail down what it is we want — he is a long-term Catholic guilt sufferer — but got to talking about what porn he likes. Turns out he’s into these coercive […]

Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Lies That Bind

He repeatedly cheats, she told his family and friends. Are they both in the wrong?
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What do you think of a man who lied to a woman to manipulate her into staying in a relationship knowing that if he told her the truth she would leave? My boyfriend agreed to exclusivity and monogamy. He immediately began to violate this agreement. He lied repeatedly to me about who these other people […]

Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Quickies

The “daddy/babygirl” dynamic, asexual curious, holding in your orgasm, swallowing curved appendages, and more!
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1. Why do so many people — even kinky ones — regard the Daddy/babygirl dynamic as hot but think Mommy/little boy role play is disturbing? Because people can’t stand to see middle-aged women happy and in control.  2. Am I on the asexuality spectrum or do I just have a very low sex drive 95% […]

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SAVAGE LOVE: Top Five

Dan picks five letters from his mailbag at random… and they are doozies!
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Dear Readers: Instead of digging through all the emails that hit my inbox this week, I grabbed the first five questions at the top of the pile and answered them in the order they came in. — Dan I am a man. I met a beautiful Nepalese woman at work. The co-worker who introduced us […]

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SAVAGE LOVE: Game On

His attempts at spontaneous sex are ANNOYING. Why is he doing it, and how can she get him to STOP?
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Straight, monogamous, cisgender couple here. Six years together, two years married. My husband loves board games, problem-solving, and anything that gets his brain going. But like many straight white cis dudes, he’s not particularly aware of what motivates him. He’s also not straightforward with exactly what turns him on. But one thing he likes is […]

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SAVAGE LOVE: What Eats You

She’s queer and doesn’t like to be licked. Why can’t people get that through their heads?
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I’m a queer cis woman in my late 30s with a problem: I don’t like having my pussy eaten. This isn’t about me being uncomfortable with the way my pussy looks or smells or tastes. I just don’t like the sensation. At best, I get close but eventually plateau, which is frustrating. At worst, it […]

Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Big Ask

A question that might not be for Dan, and another that DEFINITELY is.
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I’m a 26-year-old cisgender woman who works from home. I’m going on the second business trip of my career later this month. The first time, I had a hotel room to myself. This time, I’ll be sharing a room with one other person. Thing is, I snore. Not an insane amount, but I’m definitely a […]

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