Dan Savage

• I’m a neg boy who loves getting bred by mature poz men. I want their loads in me, no questions asked. I’m not on PrEP. Too deviant?  Too stupid, too reckless — and too old and too tired. The gay world was roiled by “bug chasers” (HIV-negative gay men who were trying to get […]

My partner and I have been together nearly thirty years. He was never as into sex/romance/intimacy as much as I was, and things got worse after he had a malignant brain tumor removed six years ago. After chemo and a stem cell transplant, he is now cancer-free. However, he lost all interest in sexual and […]

I am gay and in love. I’ve been in a non-traditional monogamous relationship for the last three years. We’ve had a few threesomes during our time we’ve been together, and we have attended a few sex parties. Recently, we had to spend time in different places and experienced things with other guys separately. Now we […]

Question about genders and dating apps which I will try to keep brief. I am a 45-year-old married cis male. After more than a decade of dipping in and out of the swinging lifestyle, my wife and I have decided to open up to dating other people. I’m trying to catch up with the language […]

For the longest time I’ve been into the feederism kink. It’s specifically the weight gain aspect of this kink — making myself or others bigger — that turns me on. I’ve always felt uneasy about this due to the health risks and have kept it hidden. I recently got a wonderful girlfriend, our relationship is […]

I am new to polyamory. I am an ethically non-monogamous hetero woman in her 50s and recently re-entered into my first secondary sexual relationship with a married friend whom I’ve known all my life. We lost touch after college, but he reconnected and restarted it. Is it normal to want to know if he has […]

My question could come across as kink shaming. That is not my intent. I am a habitual self-harmer who is planning to seek therapy. However, I find myself unable to stop comparing attitudes towards the kind of self-harm I’ve engaged in with attitudes toward BDSM pain play. When I was a teenager, I would describe […]

[Dear Readers: I’m traveling today. Please enjoy this infamous column from the first decade of Savage Love. — Dan] As an avid reader of your column, I thought of you and only you for help with this problem. My grandmother, 78 and widowed, is a kind, generous woman who has seen her share of difficult […]

1. Is pegging only for butts or can vaginas get pegged too? I’m not a pegging purist. When the term originated in my column — when my readers selected “pegging” as the name for a woman fucking a man in the ass with a strap-on dildo — it was gendered; pegging was something a woman […]

I’m frustrated. I’m transmasc and use silicone “attachments.” My partner is AMAB. Also relevant: We have very old hardwood floors, non-laminated. For YEARS, I have expressed frustrations about the careless ways my partner handles silicone lube. Multiple times, he has created dangerous slippery spots on the floor by spilling it. Our old hardwood floors absorb […]

I’m an intelligent, open-minded mom of a 13-year-old boy. Recently, I’ve found out that my son entered into an online Dom/sub relationship where he asked his “Mistress” to give him degrading tasks like consuming his own semen. Of course, his “Mistress” asked him to “prove his loyalty” by providing her with money in the form […]

I’m a 40-year-old woman, he’s a 35-year-old man, we’ve been together for fifteen years. We met young, and I was his first serious partner. In the beginning, sex was fun, but I’ve never had an orgasm with anyone, ever. We had a ton of other things in common and we stayed together because it mostly […]