“You’re dead, bitch!” Such is the first line spoken—or, actually, screamed—in Shoot ‘Em Up, and lest you have any doubts about what sort of movie it’s gonna be, the rest of the opening scene should give you a pretty good idea. A quick list of what happens in the first few minutes: Clive Owen ravenously […]
Erik Henriksen
With honor and distinction, Erik Henriksen served as the executive editor of the Portland Mercury from 2004 to 2020. He can now be found at henriksenactual.com.
Posted inMovies & TV
Sneak into The Brothers Solomon
If You Pay, You’re a Sucker!
God, the previews for The Brothers Solomon have been terrible, right? Hammy and generic, they’re advertising a film that looks like it should go straight to DVD: “Hey, look, morons!” the announcer practically proclaims. “Look at these two socially retarded brothers who’re trying to have a baby with some lady! But since they’re socially retarded—remember?—all […]
Posted inMovies & TV
Power Up
The King of Kong: The Passion and Pain of Donkey Kong
Almost every great story has a hero and a villain—two eternal enemies, bitterly and violently opposed in mind and spirit. Our villain in the hilarious documentary The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters is one Billy Mitchell—born in Massachusetts in 1965, he currently owns a restaurant chain and has a passion for both patriotic […]
Posted inMovies & TV
All Hail George Michael
No, The Other George Michael
Confession time. In high school, I was one of the kids in Superbad: geeky; nervous; too loud or too quiet, depending on whatever social situation I might have accidentally stumbled into. I was adept with obscure comic book minutiae, yet only able to stammer and stutter when forced to actually converse with anyone of the […]
Posted inMovies & TV
Attack of the Clones
The Invasion: Yes, it’s Body Snatchers. Again.
Jesus Christ this movie’s terrible. Okay, wait. Let’s start over. Ever since 1956’s Invasion of the Body Snatchers—a film based on a novel by Jack Finney—the idea of body snatchin’ aliens has been a sci-fi/horror staple. There’s the 1956 film, the 1978 update with Donald Sutherland, the 1993 remake, and a slew of various rip-offs. […]
Posted inMovies & TV
I’m Staying Home
How Jackie Chan Lost
Let’s call 1998’s original Rush Hour the terminus of Jackie Chan’s career. Sure, he’s still making movies, but for those of us who’ve watched Chan since his Snake in the Eagle’s Shadow and Drunken Master days—otherwise known as 1978—the once-amazing action star has since morphed into little more than a goofy sidekick for American comedians. […]
Posted inMovies & TV
Gay Sky Pirate Ahoy!
I Do Not Understand Anything About Stardust
More My Little Pony than The Lord of the Rings, Stardust is a lighthearted comic fantasy romance apparently made by and for 12-year-old girls. The story: Boring Tristan (Charlie Cox) leaves his boring English town to venture into a fantasy world full of magic, princesses, and witches. Ostensibly, he’s venturing there to catch a falling […]
Posted inMovies & TV
The Bourne Restraining Order
Going Balls-Out with The Bourne Ultimatum
Jason Bourne would be a great stalker. Really, all of the troubled assassin’s methods—lurking in shadows, following people around, inviting himself into strangers’ homes, making cryptic, threatening phone calls—well, yeah, they’re impressive, but they’re also pretty damn creepy. Bourne’s been skulking around for a while—2002’s The Bourne Identity and 2004’s The Bourne Supremacy were okay […]
Posted inMovies & TV
I’m Staying Home
Welcome to Awesometown
A few years ago, they were just three guys with a video camera and an internet connection. This week, they have Hot Rod, a comedy being released nationwide—and a film that happened largely as a result of their often hilarious digital shorts on Saturday Night Live. Formed in LA, the Lonely Island comedy group is […]
Posted inMovies & TV
Herzog’s Dawn
Werner Herzog Goes to the Multiplex
For a while, dropping Werner Herzog’s name was a snooty cinephile’s badge of honor: “Have you seen his midget movie? The one where they go all crazy?” (That’d be 1970’s Even Dwarfs Started Small, and the correct response—regardless of its veracity—is “Yes, of course. Excellent!”) “Or that insane one? About the crazy dude in the […]
Posted inMovies & TV
Bright Sunshiny Day
Well, Either That, or Eternal Darkness!
The initially imposing sci-fi drama Sunshine is actually pretty simple, once you get down to it: Boil away the artful special effects and the futuristic technobabble, and you’ll find the reliable, familiar theme of man against nature. The catch, here, is that “man” is a team of smarty-pants scientists, and “nature” is the unforgiving sun, […]
Posted inMovies & TV
Geek Out
Busted Blockbusters
Spider-Man 3 Developed by Treyarch, Vicarious Visions; published by Activision; available now for PlayStation 3, Wii, Xbox 360 Transformers: The Game Developed by Traveller’s Tales; published by Activision; available now for PlayStation 3, Wii, Xbox 360 Licensed games, from Madden 4,728 to Pokémon: Slightly Burnt Magenta, are a huge chunk of the game industry, and […]