If you haven’t been to a live Thorns match, you really must join us. JUST DON’T BE LATE. SHOT THROUGH THE HEARTThe Thorns took a hard loss on Saturday night when Sky Blue FC SLAPPED PUSHED, AND EVENTUALLY defeated the Thorns 3-1. FISTS OF RAGE AND BOUNTIES OF DRATS! I honestly don’t even want to […]
Erin O'Regan
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Recap: Thorns Bake Boston’s Beans 2-0
Air quality was at an all time low at Providence park- AND WE LOVED IT Photo courtesy Portland Thorns FC With two quick goals, the Thorns defeated the Boston Breakers Saturday giving fans the win they’ve been waiting for. Finally, not just a win, but a powerful and commanding victory! LEVITATE AND PUNCH! HOPE YOU […]
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The Thorns Are Back; Win Free Tix to This Saturday’s Game!
Nadia Nadim swoops in to save the day with two points! GET THIS WOMAN A CAPE! Photo courtesy Portland Thorns FC Slather on some sunscreen and tighten those scarves! After two weeks of playing in some other substandard semi soccer town, the Portland Thorns will take on the Boston Breakers this Saturday at your very […]
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Thorns vs FC Kansas City—NOBODY WINS
Two big stops and another clean sheet for Thorn’s goalie Adrianna Franch. Photo courtesy Portland Thorns FC The Portland Thorns and FC Kansas City played 90 plus scoreless minutes to end in a 0-0 draw on Saturday. A “crowd” of 1,796 fans gathered in Kansas City on a beautiful sunny day to watch the game […]
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Recap: Thorns Thorns Rally for a 2-2 Draw Against the Seattle Reign
Style? YES! Grace? NOT SO MUCH. Henry and Fishlock spent a lot of the game untangling. BATTLE AXE! Photo courtesy Portland Thorns FC The Portland Thorns rallied a comeback to end in a 2-2 draw against Cascadia rivals, the Seattle Reign. Both teams played aggressive, fervent soccer that seemed both calculated and volatile at times. […]
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Recap: Thorns Rock Red Stars 1-0
Somebody fire up the Blood Smoke! The Thorns are at it again! Photo courtesy Portland Thorns FC In a thrilling every-second-counts match, the Thorns were victorious over Chicago 1-0. Providence Park was packed with 14 thousand plus fans on Saturday, all there to watch Portland star forward Nadia Nadim hammer in ANOTHER penalty kick. KEEP […]
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Thorns Crumble to Courage, 1-0
Courage… Flash- it’s all the same to me. Photo courtesy Portland Thorns FC The Portland Thorns lost to the North Carolina Courage, 1-0 on Saturday. DOUBLE DRATS! This second game of the season was the first home game for the Courage and a nice size crowd came out to root for the newest team in […]
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Thorns Stomp Pride 2-0 in Season Opener
They sang. They danced. They endured two bouts of smoke inhalation. PRAISE THE TIRELESS RIVETERS Photo courtesy Portland Thorns FC Saturday in Portland was full of sunshine, unnecessary shirtless men, and a 2-0 Thorns victory over the Orlando Pride in the 2017 season opener! GET A NAPKIN CAUSE I’M COMING IN WITH AN OPEN MOUTH-SPRINGTIME […]
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Win, Lose, and Draw! Thorns Preseason RAP/WRAP!
I have two types of Portland Thorns preseason wraps ready to roll out. Gift wrap: NO! Lettuce wrap: GET OUTTA HERE! Raven a rap-rap-rapping at my door: NEVERMORE! HERE IS THE PORTLAND THORNS PRESEASON RAP! NOW READ ALL ABOUT IT! Three Thorns preseason matches showed fans how the team looks when they win, when they […]
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SEQUIN SHOWERS! Thorns Beat Chicago 1-0
Just like Rhianna, all Nadia Nadim does is WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK Photo courtesy Portland Thorns FC AND ALL THAT JAZZ!The Portland Thorns HIGH KICKED into their preseason Sunday night when they beat the Chicago Red Stars 1-0! KARATE CHOP FLIP FLOP!It certainly wasn’t a huge crowd that attended this first of three Thorns […]
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Stop Crying! The Thorns are Back!
Look! Someone who is not debilitated by the insane winter we have experienced in Portland. So glad Tobin Heath is back! Photo courtesy Portland Thorns FC This inordinate amount of rain got you feeling down, drowned and droopy? What about the exorbitant blather of politics – got you distressed and feeling done?? Well fear not! […]
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Soccer (Hot Mess) Recap: Thorns FC vs W. New York Flash
A group of talented, classy ladies. Photo Courtesy of Portland Thorns FC THE THORNS HAVE LOST AND I CANNOT BE CONSOLED With a gut wrenching, cry-in-your-car-on-the-way-home kind of finish, the Thorns’ 2016 season came to an end Sunday afternoon. The Thorns fell to Western New York Flash 4-3 in overtime in their first, sold out, […]