John Dooley

The next time you pop that irritating Radiohead CD into your player–beware. It could be under attack! CDs have a number of enemies, including improper handling. Even worse, some are manufactured with tiny air bubbles, infused within the aluminum-based ‘fabric’ of the recording surface (causing the aluminum to oxidize, rendering the CD unplayable). If that […]

With breast implant malpractice settlements on the rise, scientists around the world are contemplating women’s breasts, and looking for a “natural” way to cultivate them; not in Tupperware, or test tubes–but inside the body. Bioengineering researchers, hot on the trail of growing breasts at home, have discovered a way to grow the tissue on site […]

The Pioneer, a Delhi, India newspaper, recently reported sightings of a “mysterious monkey-like creature,” that attacked and mauled more than 13 citizens on a two-day rampage, and is said to be responsible for at least two deaths. Frightened townspeople took to the streets and held demonstrations in the Krishna Nagar area of East district Ghaziabad […]

For the very first time in the seemingly unrelated histories of science and top-notch tabloid reporting, the Portland Mercury hereby invites YOU to enter my SHOW YOUR ABNORMALITIES & DEFORMITIES CONTEST! Were you born with webbed feet? Do you have see-through ears? What about a string of teats, or a mole on your person that […]

Pandiculation has existed since the dawn of man it affects humans, reptiles, birds, and most mammals. Although most human beings have been known to experience pandiculation while still in the womb (as early as 11 weeks after conception), we achieve pandiculatory contagiousness between the first and second years of life. It is believed that the […]

Finding fresh material for this column–scouring print, broadcast, and electronic media–is always a challenge worth undertaking. Recently, I found a reference to Vaginismus, and set my sights on researching this potentially humorous sexual malady. My findings? Vaginismus is an involuntary clamping shut of the vagina. Although the most familiar example of sexual dysfunction is Erectile […]