Testicles. What a magical word! In Montana, there are several official testicle festivals with names that juice my salivary glands just thinking about them, including the Nut and Gut Feed, York Bar’s Go Nuts Testicle Festival, Fromberg Festival of Testicles, and the renowned Clinton, Montana Testicle Festival. Each summer, at the Testicle Festival in Clinton, […]
John Dooley
Posted inNews
SPIDER-MAN… EXPOSED!
Extra! Extra! Bugle Reporter Unmasks Webbed Wall-Crawler!-CRAWLER!
The minute I heard rumors Spider-Man was in town, a shiver shot up my spine and I nearly squirted in my huskies! My journalistic “story sense” was going off! If I were to reveal his secret identity What a SCOOP! I could sure sling this story. “Wait till J. Jonah Jameson (our esteemed publisher) gets […]
Posted inIt Sure is a Scientific World
It Sure is a Scientific World
Evolution… the Game
I can’t seem to evolve, and it’s driving me nuts. Either I starve to death or fail to mate, but for one reason or another, I cannot fucking evolve! Here I am, living in the Eocene period 55 million years ago as a diminutive and feeble Teilhardina belgica, a shrew-size primate. As I wander through […]
Posted inIt Sure is a Scientific World
Poop Tongue
Halitosis? Spit out those Dentine Ice wads and chew up a copy of the new Scientific American! It’s not as sexy as sucking on an icy-cold TV model’s erect nipples, but it may help your breath smell better. Leave it to Scientific American to tackle the big issues. In the April 2002 edition, there is […]
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THE DEAD ZONE
Want to Find Out Where You Go When You Die? First Stop is Medical Examiner Robert Boggs
Nestled on a quiet street in Northeast Portland is a small white colonial-style building replete with tasteful columns. It is an unassuming, tranquil-looking structure with a nice lawn in front–but it has dead people inside. Chances are almost certain that if you die in Portland, this will be the first place you’ll go. Also inside […]
Posted inIt Sure is a Scientific World
It Sure is a Scientific World
Home Science Project Contest
T hroughout the history of America, the home science project has become a national, cheap entertainment staple. Countless forgotten E=MC Einsteins, Moldy Marie Curies, and “What Happens If I Put Jesus In Piss” Mapplethorpes, have spent their lives mixing shit together for the advancement of science or practical jokestering. Doubtless, most of all home science […]
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THE OLD LIES DON”T WORK
The Wit and Wisdom of Comedian Dick Gregory
For over 40 years, Comedian Dick Gregory has put his ass on the line, telling it like he sees it, Ku Klux Klan be damned. In 1961, he was hired by Hugh Hefner to replace a white comedian at Chicago’s Playboy Club, where he earned an unprecedented $5,000 a week, entertaining affluent audiences of mostly […]
Posted inIt Sure is a Scientific World
It Sure is a Scientific World
Green Chicken Nuggets
Local disease information aficionados (also known as Sickies) can pop their favorite carbonated beverage, prepare the celebratory feast, and toss babies in the air. Why? Because scientists have named a cool new disease after Oregon! Not just any disease, but a disease that invades and putrefies the body meat of chickens! For the benefit of […]
Posted inIt Sure is a Scientific World
It Sure is a Scientific World
Songs of Science
There is nothing sweeter than the soothing sounds of a singing scientist? Opportunely for fans of systematic scientific euphony, Dr. Chordate has come to town, and he’s laying ’em down! Science songs that will tear up the charts and bitch-slap our hearts! I know what you’re thinking. You don’t want to give up your Chitlin […]
Posted inIt Sure is a Scientific World
E-O!
Scientists around the globe are working hard to create a world where no one has to go without–without an orgasm, that is! England’s internet news & info source, Ananova, recently reported a Romanian doctor has invented a vibrating butt implant that causes women to experience cascading strings of instantaneous orgasms, as many as 16 per […]
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“YOU ARE GETTING VERRRRRY SLEEEEPY…”
How a Hypnotist Crushed My Cigarette Habit–While I Sat on My Butts
“Smoking has become a huge habit with you, John. If you analyze it… you smoke anytime except in the shower.” –Geoffrey Knight, clinical hypnotherapist During my lifetime, there has always been a tasty abundance of fresh and lusty smoke. Always plenty of smoke to go around, and I loved every bit of it. Even as […]