Hello, Im Mike Pompeo, and Im here to repeat the administrations lies that Trump won the election. No further questions, goodbye.
"Hello, I'm Mike Pompeo, and I'm here to repeat the administration's lies that Trump won the election. No further questions, goodbye." Mark Wilson/Getty Images

Here's your daily roundup of all the latest local and national news. (Like our coverage? Please consider making a recurring contribution to the Mercury to keep it comin'!)

• Oregon coronavirus rates remained at a dangerous level today with 771 new, positive cases, while active hospitalizations also climbed to a new high of 285. Three additional deaths were reported.

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• REMINDER: Tomorrow, all three counties in the Portland metro area will enter into a two-week "pause" on social gatherings to help slow the rapid spread of COVID-19. Read more about the new requirements here.

• It has taken forever, but the state may finally be on track to pay that long-overdue "waiting week" relief money to unemployed Oregonians, hopefully by Thanksgiving.

• For those who refuse to believe things are changing for the better, can you imagine reading this headline even two years ago? "Oregon sex workers can apply for coronavirus relief grants."

• In more news of righteousness, AAA Oregon/Idaho has cut ties with an Oregon tow truck driver who dickishly refused to help a customer because they had a "Biden for President" sticker on their car.

• Hey! I wrote a love note to YOU today in which I talk about my post-election relief and persistent feelings about being "freaked the fawk out" from the last four years. But there's also some hopeful stuff in there too, so I would looooove it if you checked it out. Thank you, MWAH!

IN NATIONAL NEWS

• Because he thinks his delusional lies will work, Trump is still refusing to concede the election and has the support of lying crony/Secretary of State Mike Pompeo who says the fake president will have a "smooth transition" into his second imaginary term. The actual president-elect Joe Biden rightly called the acts of these corrupt simpletons, "an embarrassment."

• Meanwhile Trump loyalists, like Rudy "Four Seasons Total Landscaping" Giuliani, are spreading fake claims that Biden lost Pennsylvania across the internet, while Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube desperately try to squash the lies.

• Related: A Pennsylvania postal worker who pushed the fake claim that he and others had been instructed to "backdate" ballots mailed after election day has admitted that he made it all up and therefore is a GODDAMN LIAR, just like the rest of 'em.

• Unfortunately, this onslaught of lies seems to be working—at least with Republicans who are inclined to believe just about anything. A new poll indicates that 70 percent of them believe the election was neither "free or fair." But on the other hand, according to this poll, an overwhelming number of Americans believe Biden won fair 'n' square.

• Fingers crossed, everybody: The Trumper-laden Supreme Court (at least for now) seems ready to spare the Affordable Care Act, saying that even if part of the law is no longer valid, the rest can stay intact. ACTUAL incoming president Joe Biden has indicated he intends to expand Obamacare after taking the office THAT IS RIGHTFULLY HIS. (If you are suspecting a certain "tone" from me today, you are correct!)

• In not good news for the Democrats' attempts to take back the Senate, North Carolina Dem Cal Cunningham has conceded to Republican Sen. Thom Tillis—so now, all eyes look to two Georgia runoffs for salvation.

• Meanwhile, fervent followers of the mass delusion QAnon are starting to get nervous about the election results—and the fact that "Q" hasn't communicated with them in over a week now. As the Washington Post reports, Q loyalists are now wondering, "Have we all been conned?”

• Speaking of "conning"...

• Thanks to Trump's deadly ineptitude, since the start of November, the US has surpassed 1 million new COVID-19 cases.

• Running now through Sat Nov 28: The brand new "HUMP! Greatest Hits, Vol. 2" featuring the sexiest short flicks from the past 15 years of festivals! (Look, you NEED this. GET THOSE TIX NOW!)

• The results are in, and the people have spoken: YOU LOVE GOOD AFTERNOON, NEWS! Never miss a single informative, entertaining post by subscribing HERE.

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• The WEATHER REPORT: Sunbreaks and a few showers tomorrow with a high of 48.

• And finally, the award for "Best Patriotic Craft of the Day" goes to... this brilliant person.