It’s a well documented fact that the Bundy brothers are part of a psy-op run by the government or the Freemasons… intel is still sporadic and unconfirmed as of this notice. They were infiltrated prior to the take over and old man Bundy caved into the forces that be. I think that the agents that […]
Blogs
Posted inNewsblast!
Good Morning, News: Occupiers Gonna Occupy, Trump Cries “FRAUD!”, and Welcome to America, Zika Virus
GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Bling-bling-bling, I don’t see no ring. So why you got to go and change everything? LET’S GO TO PRESS. It’s Day 33 of the Malheur Wildlife Refuge standoff, and the four remaining occupiers are still stubbornly holding on, even as leader Ammon Bundy tells them from jail to go home. One of […]
Posted inSports
Blazers Recap: Five Straight
If only the Blazers could play every game at home against teams with losing records. After last night’s relatively easy handling of the Milwaukee Bucks, the Blazers have now won five straight in the confines of the Moda Center against some mediocre competition. Five straight! Watch out Warriors, watch out ‘96 Bulls—Portland is this close […]
Posted inI, Anonymous
Get Off the Guest List
To all the Portlanders who insist on getting on the guestlist at a five dollar show, only to turn right around and spend fifty bucks on shitty beer and tater tots, you’re the reason that quality entertainment is becoming harder and harder to find. This is the only city where people who don’t fall into […]
Posted inNews
For Your Nightmares: Cryptomaster behemoth
A monster is lurking deep in the forests of Southwestern Oregon. No, it’s not a rogue chupacabra visiting form Latin America. No, it’s not Bigfoot. It’s a daddy longlegs. The Cryptomaster behemoth, with a body 4 millimeters wide, dwarfs other members of its suborder—called Laniatores. James Starrett, an entomologist at the University of California, Riverside […]
Posted inTimbers
Timbers Preseason: The Perils of Defending A Championship
Craig Mitchelldyer/Portland Timbers Some 56 days after reaching the pinnacle of American soccer in Columbus, Ohio, Caleb Porter stood on the field at the Kino Sports Complex North Stadium decrying the performance of his MLS Cup champion Portland Timbers in their first preseason game of 2016. The Timbers — using 22 players in total — […]
Posted inNews
Our Long National Nightmare of Having to Say the Word “Caucus” Is Nearly Over
“Thanks for your … votes? Or whatever it is caucuses produce.” Crush Rush / Shutterstock.com Imagine if we lived in a country where everyone got together and looked at our options for leadership and then all got to vote, and whoever got the most votes won! You could call it, I dunno, “democracy” or something. […]
Posted inBlogs
Help Wanted: Mercury Calendar Editor
Would you like to work for the greatest company in the Western hemisphere? Sorry, Chik-fil-a isn’t hiring. BUT WE ARE! The Mercury is happy to announce we’re hiring an additional FULL TIME calendar editor to assist our already fantastic Bobby Roberts. COULD THIS PERSON BE YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW? Check out our advert below […]
Posted inI, Anonymous
Drama on the 44 Bus
To the bus driver who tried to help the father of the kid in the wheelchair buckle the into place, your calm demeanor and refusal to get angry even when the dad yells at you to fuck off: that was commendable and likely not a great sitch. To the dad: I cannot begin to know […]
Posted inEvents
It’s Happening Tonight!
MUSIC—Music critics rarely reach a consensus on anything, but Julia Holter’s Have You in My Wilderness might be the exception, making its way onto countless best-of-2015 lists for its exploratory, uplifting pop. Hear Holter’s symphonic, sweet, surreal sounds for yourself tonight. NED LANNAMANNw/Circuit des Yeux; Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 8:30 pm, $12-15 BLAZERS—Any excuse to […]
Posted inTheater & Performance
Hey, People Who Walked Out of Faith Helma’s I HATE POSITIVE THINKING! Here’s What You Missed!
via Faith Helma Last Friday night, at least three people walked out of Faith Helma’s Fertile Ground performance of I HATE POSITIVE THINKING at the Shout House in inner Southeast. I know because they were sitting right behind me, and I heard them leave. Meanwhile, the rest of us sipped complimentary mint tea out of […]
Posted inNews
Portland Tops Seattle & San Francisco
Portland is the most godless city in America, says the American Family Association. Three of the most godless cities in America are on the West coast, with the Rose City—Portland, Oregon—coming in as the least faithful. According to a survey of 50,000 people conducted by the nonpartisan and nonprofit Public Religion Research Institute’s American Values […]