There are thousands of growers, edible makers, and concentrate processors in Oregon. And although I partake of a great deal of cannabis in many forms, despite my best efforts, I haven’t tried everything, and new products drop all the time. So while this is not a comprehensive list of the majesty that is available, here […]
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Posted inComedy
Frank Cassano’s Imbecile Parade: “Are You Voting for Biden or Bernie?”
This Week’s Question: Are You Voting for Biden or Bernie? {{image:1, align:right, width:75}} “Are you kidding, bro? Bernie! And if you vote for any of those other corporate shills, I sure hope you like being a sheep getting skull-fucked by our vampire oligarchs and their spineless Democrat accomplices! Bernie’s revolution is here, and if you’re […]
Posted inComedy
Wm. Steven Humphrey’s Adventures in Newspapering: Don’t Get Weird About It!
Hi! Sooooooo… about this coronavirus thing: It’s serious! Yes and absolutely! But would you mind if I offer one itty-bitty teensy-weensy smidge of advice on how one should comport oneself during this possible crisis? Great! Here ya go: DON’T GET WEIRD ABOUT IT. It’s really important during scary times to make a conscious effort to […]
Posted inCannabis
The Case for the “Black Market”
The rapidly growing cannabis industry has a complicated relationship with the competing retail sector often described with a loaded term: the Black Market. “Black Market” is a reference to exchanges where seller and buyer deal in illegal goods and/or avoid taxes and regulations by conducting their business “in the shadows,” hence “black.” It’s also an […]
Posted inComedy
Wm. Steven Humphrey’s Adventures in Newspapering: I’m in the Market!
“Is this a news outlet or a child’s indulgence?” That’s an interesting question FOR ME from Mercury reader S. Miller, in response to reporter Blair Stenvick’s recent article about trans high school student Nikki Kuhnhausen who was murdered in 2019. In the very first paragraph Blair wrote about how Nikki defended other trans students from […]
Posted inComedy
New Column! “I Passed My Hep C Test!” by Ryan Seacrest
Calling all my enemies: Guess what, buttholes? I DON’T HAVE HEP C! That’s right, bird brains: I just got back from the doctor and—boo-hoo for you—I don’t have a single Hep C virus in my body. Ohhhh… are you disappointed? YEAH, I JUST BET YOU ARE. I see right through your bull hockey. You and […]
Posted inComedy
Wm. Steven Humphrey’s Adventures in Newspapering: Cease and Desist!
Surprise! I’m in trouble again. You know, I’m beginning to suspect that my erratic personality combined with being the editor of a newspaper read by millions might be a recipe for disaster. But I’ll back up. In every issue, we publish an article called, “New Column!” It’s almost always a parody of some sort, and […]
Posted inMercury staff
Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You: The Mercury’s Table of Contents for Thurs Feb 13-Wed Feb 26
Adventures in Newspapering In which our editor-in-chief fails to justify slandering the good name of Adam Driver. News A murdered trans teen’s community fights for her legacy. PG. 7 Feature Get ready for pages of stomach-churning, treacly, and horny lovenotes—it’s the Mercury Readers’ Valentines! ALSO: Meet the romantically fatigued winners of our “Online Dating War […]
Posted inCannabis
Cannabuzz: High Times Cannabis Cup Chronicles (Part 2)
[Previously in Cannabuzz: Josh was honored to be chosen as a judge for the famous High Times Cannabis Cup—until he discovered what he’d be judging: vape pens from a mysterious source.—eds.] As a judge for the High Times Oregon Cannabis Cup, I was assigned “vape cartridges” as my product to review. Normally, that would have […]
Posted inComedy
New Column: “I Think I Caused the Coronavirus” by Billy Ray Cyrus
Folks, I’m just about as embarrassed as a poodle that done fell into a pig pen. First of all, if y’all ain’t never heard of me, I’m Billy Ray Cyrus. Your grandmama might remember me from my 1992 number one smash single “Achy Breaky Heart.” You might remember me as the daddy of Hannah Montana […]
Posted inCannabis
Cannabuzz: High Times Cannabis Cup Chronicles (Part One)
As someone who writes for three newspapers, I’ve learned that most publications have two sides: editorial, which produces articles and artwork, and sales, which sells the ads and produces the events that pay for what editorial creates. This can lead to conflicted feelings for their readership, who might enjoy the publication’s content, but have issues […]
Posted inComedy
New Column!: Tip Her a Fiver! by Adam Driver
If you’re anything like me—Adam Driver, two-time Academy Award nominee, NBD—you’d better know how to tip! Funny story: I was in the 2019 Broadway revival of Burn This—for which I received a Tony nomination, NBD—and one night after rehearsal I was dining with my co-star Keri Russell (winner of the Golden Globe for Best Performance […]