In my last column, I interviewed Elvy Musikka, one of two remaining Americans to receive medical marijuana from the federal government, which is grown at the University of Mississippi. We were both curious about the potency and terpenes in the six pounds of cannabis pre-rolls provided to her every year, so I took a few […]
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Posted inComedy
Frank Cassano’s Imbecile Parade: “What Are You Thankful For?”
{{image:1, align:right, width:150}} “I’m thankful for my health, and that I’ve got a nice house, a good car, and a rewarding job to pay for it all.” —Fredrick Samuels, West Hills Here’s another thing you should be grateful for, fuckface: That the peasants who suffer in the town below your posh West Hills mansion haven’t […]
Posted inComedy
Wm. Steven Humphrey’s Adventures in Newspapering: How to Leave a Voicemail
I know what readers want—to be reminded (or “editor-splained”) when they’re doing something wrong, and how to fix it. Example: In a recent column, I instructed you on the proper way to write me emails. (Stop writing the entirety of your letter in the subject heading! You’re not helping your case!) You also seem to […]
Posted inComedy
This Too Shall Pass: One Last “Boo!”
Hello! Raise your hand if you’re ready to read the news while you can because print media is a dying industry! …Um, hello? You ready? Okay, I don’t actually know what you’re doing, because this is a newspaper and I’m not watching you read it (OR AM I?), so I’m going to assume you’re all […]
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The 16 Best Ways to Make a Difference in Portland this Week: November 7-20
Resistance events for the week of November 7-20
Posted inComedy
Portland’s Most Haunted Places (That You Never Knew Were Super Fucking Haunted)!
• The Vera Katz statue on the Eastbank Esplanade • The Slurpee dispenser at Plaid Pantry on Burnside that dispenses human souls • Every square inch of Mall 205 • The bread aisle of the Hawthorne Fred Meyer • Those two basketball hoops off to the side of the main court at Laurelhurst Park • […]
Posted inComedy
This Too Shall Pass: The All-Oregon Column (Co-starring Rihanna!)
Hello, Oregon! This week’s column is all about YOU, since I was inspired by local hotel magnate/GOP donor/Trump henchman Gordon Sondland. Oregon doesn’t produce a lot of national newsmakers, so there’s some real misplaced pride when a local boy makes good, or in this case, very very bad. I mean, I still tell everyone that […]
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The 13 Best Ways to Make a Difference in Portland this Week: October 24-November 6
The 2019 Native Artist & Storytelling Symposium, Honoring Afro-Mexican Ancestry on Dia de los Muertos, and a Grocery Worker Contract Debrief
Resistance events for the week of October 24-November 6
Posted inComedy
Wm. Steven Humphrey’s Adventures in Newspapering: I’ve Got Spirit (Yes, I Do)
Get ready for a shock: I don’t normally win awards. In fact, I’ve only won four awards in my lifetime, and they are as follows… Award One: second place, sixth grade spelling bee. Award two: second place, state track meet (for pole vaulting, of all things). Award three: second place, Reno Armwrestling Championships, amateur men’s […]
Posted inComedy
Wm. Steven Humphrey’s Adventures in Newspapering: Self-Check Yourself, Before You Wreck Yourself
In case you’re wondering, I generally try to avoid using my prestige as the editor-in-chief of a major metropolitan newspaper to benefit myself. (Yes, yes, I know Trump does this sort of thing all the time, but that doesn’t make it right, y’know?) HOWEVER! Today I’m going to use my bully-pulpit to propose something that […]
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The 15 Best Ways to Make a Difference in Portland this Week: October 10-23
Indigenous Peoples’ Day, a World Beyond Policing, and Reparations for African People
Resistance events for the week of October 10-23
Posted inComedy
This Too Shall Pass: Cats and Dogs and Cougars
Hello, bats and ghouls! It’s only been autumn for two weeks, and I’ve gotta tell you: everybody looks fantastic. We are not a warm weather people, and everyone tromping around in boots and flannels and hats and sweaters has got me feeling all kinds of ways. What’s that? You’ve got complimentary earth tones on your […]