Former Mercury reader Edith writes, “My best friend and I had lunch today at our favorite pub that carries your paper. I looked over my friend’s shoulder at a number of pages and remarked to him how ugly the paper had gotten. ‘Yes,’ he said, ‘small type and hard to read’ and I noticed that […]
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Posted inCannabis
Cannabuzz: 20/20 for 4/2020
There are no shortages of new year predictions for the cannabis industry. Having just wrapped up a tumultuous year that saw a bloodbath of job and financial losses in the US and Canada, there have been a cavalcade of reports, articles, and blog pieces predicting what we can expect in 2020. Aside from the certainty […]
Posted inNew Column!
Hey Lovebirds! It’s Time to Submit Your FREE Mercury Valentine!
Because we love you more than life itself, every year the Mercury happily publishes YOUR VALENTINES to your loved ones FOR FREE (!!) in our annual Valentine’s Day Issue. Let’s face it—the internet is good for a number of things… primarily free porn… but is TERRIBLE at expressing love. That’s why writing a FREE (!!) […]
Posted inComedy
Wm. Steven Humphrey’s Adventures in Newspapering: The Gospel According to Salt-N-Pepa
Welcome to the January doldrums, buttholes! (And rest assured, “butthole” is my deepest term of affection.) Query: Can we all agree that January fawking suuuuuuuuuucks? Forget the abolishment of daylight savings time—January needs to pack its bags and fuck off in the nearest Uber. There is literally nothing good about it. It’s rainy, depressing, and […]
Posted inComedy
Wm. Steven Humphrey’s Adventures in Newspapering: I Hereby Resolve!
In this issue of the Portland Mercury newspaper periodical gazette, our staff upholds a grand and glorious tradition: bitching about all the stuff that annoys us and banning it from the face of the Earth. It’s called “Not Invited Back (To the Coming Decade)” and you can read it here if you love self-serving negativity […]
Posted inNew Column!
Send Us Your “Online Dating War Story”—and Win Big Bucks!
We’ve all been there—an online date that goes horribly, hilariously wrong or starts so badly it never gets off the ground in the first place. Don’t just tell your friends… TELL IT TO THE WORLD! Now you can turn your dreadfully funny experience into COLD HARD CASH with the Mercury’s “Online Dating War Stories” Essay […]
Posted inComedy
The “Decade in Review” Match Game!
Wow! A lot of things can happen in a decade—which makes it hard to remember them all. Let’s see how much YOU can remember by matching the person or thing (1-13) to the answer that best describes it (A-M). Answers are below and good luck (in the sure-to-be-horrible coming decade)! 1. Ammon Bundy 2. Charlie […]
Posted inComedy
Wm. Steven Humphrey’s Adventures in Newspapering: Donations Accepted!
If you haven’t noticed, the Mercury now has a way for you to make online donations to our paper on our website. This is a way for generous people—and I am definitely staring hard at YOU, but not in a creepy way—to help the Mercury continue providing all the great FREE content that YOU continue […]
Posted inCannabis
The Year in Hemp
2019 was arguably the biggest year for hemp since 1937, when it, along with all forms of cannabis, was first criminalized. The passage of the 2018 Farm Bill, which removed hemp from the Controlled Substances Act has had explosive, though uneven, results. As with cannabis, rules and regulations for hemp vary from state to state. […]
Posted inCannabis
Know Your Grower: Make & Mary
The sheer range of cannabis products for sale in Oregon can be downright overwhelming. And most of us are unfamiliar with what is available, the quality of the merchandise, and where it came from. What’s more, the mass consolidation of dispensaries and brands can seriously undercut the “buy local” component. Your purchase of Aunty Gertrude’s […]
Posted inComedy
Wm. Steven Humphrey’s Adventures in Newspapering: Rhonda the Unicorn
Here’s an email I recently received in response to a “Food News Roundup” I wrote on the Mercury website, from a person named “Rhonda” (who’s apparently quite proud she’s never heard of me): “Just thought I’d check out your article, never have heard of you, but interested in the restaurants coming and going. [You’ve probably […]
Posted inComedy
Wm. Steven Humphrey’s Adventures in Newspapering: Sprained in the Brain
Here’s some news that’ll make my enemies happy—I’ve got a concussion! Last week some ding-dong ran a stop sign and plowed into my car. Lucky for him, he didn’t harm my beautiful face. Unluckily, the same can’t be said for my second most beautiful feature: MY BRAIN. According to the doctor, my minor concussion could […]