Beyoncé’s Lemonade is the only thing that matters.
Gossip
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One Day at a Time
Finally, Some GOOD Lindsay Lohan News!! OMIGOD!!
Finally, Some GOOD Lindsay Lohan News!! OMIGOD!!
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One Day at a Time
Donald Trump Is—Is NOT—IS a Feminist!
Donald Trump is—is NOT—IS a feminist!
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One Day at a Time
Justin Bieber Just Got “Puthed”
MONDAY, MARCH 28 Guys… it’s hard out there for a Bieber! As you assuredly recall, Justin Bieber spent much of his misspent youth dating then-Disney star Selena Gomez, who eventually got tired of his constant pubescent bullshit, and dropped him like a hot can of Axe Body Spray. After several on-and-off-again attempts to rekindle the […]
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One Day at a Time
Captain America Just Kicked the Georgia GOP’s Ass
Captain America just kicked the Georgia GOP’s ass.
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One Day at a Time
Why Caitlyn Jenner LOVES Transphobic Ted Cruz, a Queen Bey Surprise, and a Nanny Banging Update!
Why Caitlyn Jenner LOVES transphobic Ted Cruz.
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This Is the Beefiest Week in History
It is the week of beefs to end all weeks of beefs—with not one, not two, but THREE insane beefs coming from the music world. I can’t decide which of these is the craziest. • BEEF THE FIRST: Rapper B.o.B. said on Twitter that the earth is flat. Scientist Neil deGrasse Tyson took time to […]
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One Day at a Time’s Absolute WORST Person in the World 2015: Gwyneth Paltrow!
GWYNETH PALTROW Everyone concurs: SHE’S THE WORST. Dears! Last week, we ran down the runners-up for our annual “award” of the Absolute Worst Person or Thing in the World for 2015 Ever —a list that included such contenders as Donald Trump, Kim Davis, Johnny Depp’s dumb little novelty dogs, and America’s gun nuts! But all […]
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One Day at a Time: The Runners-Up for WORST Person of the Year!
AS YOU KNOW, every week we immerse ourselves in a steaming garbage stew called “gossip.” And at the end of every year, we’re forced to stick our hands deep in the pot to pull out the ickiest chunks to decide who will be awarded “The Absolute Worst Person or Thing in the World for 2015 […]
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One Day at a Time: The Courtney Love/Justin Bieber Connection
Okay, okay, after years of Justin Bieber being a remorseless little prick, he’s turned over a new leaf, has a great new album, and you’re all ready to forgive and forget. BUT BE CAREFUL, SWEET PETS. The evil within this young man runs deep, and will find its way out in subtle ways… for example? […]
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The Top 7 Celebrities Who Should Move to Portland
Darlings! As you can see, this issue of the Mercury is devoted to Portland’s newcomers—which means we should be using this space to familiarize newbies with Portland’s celebrities. The only problem with that? PORTLAND HAS NO CELEBRITIES. (Seriously, name one. Pink Martini’s Thomas Lauderdale? Give us a fucking break. The only time he’d be recognized […]
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Jared Fogle’s Charity: Not So Charitable
More grotesque news from the continuing Jared Fogle scandal—who you remember as the former Subway spokesperson who claimed to have lost tons of weight from only eating their sandwiches. Fogle recently confessed to federal investigators that he paid to have sex with minors, as well as receiving child pornography from Russell Taylor—who months ago was […]