Hello! Welcome! Please, pull up a chair, put your hair behind your ears, flip your phone over so you can’t see notifications, lean in, wrap your hands around your mug to warm them, blow a little, grab your phone again because this whole situation is actually really cute right now with the steam, put it […]
This Too Shall Pass
Posted inComedy
This Too Shall Pass: #BlueWave > #RedWave
Bienvenidos a Miami, and by “Miami,” I mean this column, and by “bienvenidos,” I mean—you know what, if you claim not to understand that reference to the top jam from the late-’90s resurgence of Will Smith’s rap career, maybe this isn’t the place for you. To the non-haters: bienvenidos, and hi! It’s Thanksgiving! This is […]
Posted inComedy
This Too Shall Pass: The Obamas Are Our Human Sunlamps
Hi! How about the cruel joke known as daylight saving time? Old-timey farmers from the past should not be the deciders of how dark it is when I leave work. As if we needed an extra hour of November 2018! It’s been figuratively dark for two years, but now it’s also literally dark almost all […]
Posted inGossip
This Too Shall Pass: Taylor Swift, Jared Kushner’s Nuts… and BUNNIES!
Ahoy-hoy! Let’s kick off the week with a game of “Would You Rather”: Would you rather see additional in-depth reporting on Jared Kushner’s financial dealings that truly and fully demonstrate his illegal behavior but you have to read the whole thing, including looking up terms and tax laws that you don’t understand, OR see an […]
Posted inGossip
This Too Shall Pass: Miniature Horses and Speidi Crystals
Hi, everyone! I’m sincerely glad you’re taking time to read this biweekly documentation of one woman’s descent into madness. But we’re not dead… so that’s… something? Every day we’re not dead is one more middle finger to all those yahoos in charge. Hey, yahoos! We’re still here! Yes, “here” might be a large pillow fort […]
Posted inGossip
This Too Shall Pass: Let’s Hear It for the Women!
Hello, and welcome back to This Too Shall Pass! Not that I didn’t think you’d come back, of course. I hope you’ll consider me the McRib of columns: sweet, salty, kinda gross, and yet whenever I reappear you’re like, “Okay, sure!” Oh man, did the last two weeks kick anyone else in the rear? Remember […]
Posted inComedy
This Too Shall Pass
Time’s Up for Louis C.K., Woody Allen, and Raccoons
What’s up, party people, and welcome to This Too Shall Pass! My name’s Elinor Jones, and I’ll be your news and gossip columnist for your biweekly Portland Mercury. I’m gonna be honest with you straight out the gate: I really wish I hadn’t started with “What’s up, party people.” Um, do people still say waazzzzupppppppp? […]
Posted inComedy
This Too Shall Pass: Proof That Good Things Happened in 2018
Happy New Year! Wow, 2018 sure was… a passage of time, wasn’t it? Believe it or not, 2018 was only one calendar year! And if you’re thinking, “Hey, that sucked, but at least it’s over!” keep in mind that we said the same thing about 2017 and 2016. It’s possible—even plausible—that this is just life […]