This Too Shall Pass

Hello! Raise your hand if you’re ready to read the news while you can because print media is a dying industry! …Um, hello? You ready? Okay, I don’t actually know what you’re doing, because this is a newspaper and I’m not watching you read it (OR AM I?), so I’m going to assume you’re all […]

Hello, Oregon! This week’s column is all about YOU, since I was inspired by local hotel magnate/GOP donor/Trump henchman Gordon Sondland. Oregon doesn’t produce a lot of national newsmakers, so there’s some real misplaced pride when a local boy makes good, or in this case, very very bad. I mean, I still tell everyone that […]

Hello, bats and ghouls! It’s only been autumn for two weeks, and I’ve gotta tell you: everybody looks fantastic. We are not a warm weather people, and everyone tromping around in boots and flannels and hats and sweaters has got me feeling all kinds of ways. What’s that? You’ve got complimentary earth tones on your […]

Hi! There is a lot to cover this week so I’m going to be efficient with all of our time and make this introductory paragraph short so that we can get straight to the garbage. Let’s go! Trash President Now, there are a lot of ways that Trump—who, let’s not forget, lost the popular vote […]

Hello, friends, and welcome back to page five of the Portland Mercury! I’m emotionally hungover this week from having worked as an extra on Shrill last week. Why? Because I stood behind the glorious Aidy Bryant for approximately 15 hours and I think some of her sunshine ebullience rubbed off on me, and because I […]

Hello! If you’ve read anything about Portland from the national media in the last two weeks, you’d think I’m writing this while cowering in an overturned dumpster to avoid a citywide brawl between hordes of masked vigilantes wielding hammers and shields. But since you’re here, you know I’m writing this from a phenomenally clean coffee […]

Hey, how ya been? Last weekend I woke up to find out that the mass shooting that people were talking about on Twitter in the morning was different than the one they’d been discussing when I went to bed the night before. Then I had breakfast with my child, went to an exercise class in […]

Hello, and welcome back to another biweekly with yours truly, your truly beloved. I’m writing at least part of this from a doctor’s office where I’m having my back looked at because getting older is HILARIOUS. (Ask me about my insoles!) But no amount of making an unintentional “grrrahhh” sound when I try to stand […]

Hello, and THANK YOU for all the birthday messages sent to me telepathically last week. I sensed every last one right down to the essence of my aura. I’m thrilled to have completed another lap around the sun, but this orbit seemed even faster than the last, and frankly, I’m a bit dizzy. The passage […]