An In-depth Scientific Examination of Alcohol and its Effects on the Casual Drunk For many casual drinkers, the question is not whether you should drink, but what you should drink. It’s generally agreed that every kind of alcohol is rumored to produce certain effects-but are these rumors true? And if they are true, are they […]
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The Drunk Poet’s Society
Announcing the Winners of our (Hic!) Drunk Poetry Contest!
Nothing inspires the poetic muse as much as the taste of the sweet devil liquor. And this was proven by the over 100 entries we received for our ‘Drunk Poetry Contest!’ The rules were simple: 1) The poem must be about drink, drinking, or post-drunkeness. 2) The poem must be 24 lines or less. And […]
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Don’t Forget to Eat!
Your Drunkified Restaurant Guide
The Basement Pub 1028 SE 12th, 231-6068 Each dish at The Basement is served for one dollar a plate. (Or, if you feel like going crazy, you can get the dinner plate for $5.) The menu includes standards such as chips and salsa (pineapple or tomato) and black bean hummus. There’s also the option of […]
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BATTLE OF THE DEAD PERSON FROZEN ENTREES
Uncle Ben vs. Linda McCartney Available in your grocer’s freezer Nothing spells “convenience” like a microwave dinner made by a dead person. But which one actually tastes best? Today we’ll find out, in a competition I like to call… BATTLE OF THE DEAD PERSON FROZEN ENTREES. First up: Linda McCartney Meals. While much of her […]
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Thai Corner
Thai Corner 601 SE Morrison St. 234-4102 Recently, while dining at Thai Orchid, my cohort commented that he doesn’t like going there much because it feels “too NW 23rd.” In other words, the décor and upscale-ish feel of the place made my working class companion feel a little too close to yuppiedom for comfort. A […]
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Self-Hell
Analysis for People on the Go
Do I Need a Spiritual Enema? The Vatican’s recent statement that it would neither confirm nor deny a report that Pope John Paul II has now carried out three exorcisms during his papacy has left many people wondering if they, too, need a good religious cleansing. Word is that the most recent exorcism involved a […]
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Bombay Palace
Bombay Palace 7901 NE Glisan, 257-3509 Bombay Palace looks like the prototypical, downscale Indian restaurant; cheap red and gold décor, year-round Christmas lights, and Bollywood films playing on the big screen television in the corner. Considering this appearance, I had high hopes… hopes that were dashed as soon as I took a forkful of rice […]
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Stephanos
Stephanos 1835 SW Washington, 243-2181 When they renovated PGE Park to build a minor-league baseball team, I knew it would be a colossal failure. When they built the streetcar, I knew it would try to kill people–I could tell by the look in its eyes. Having proven my instincts to be irrefutably valid, my impression […]
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Mama’s Corner Cafe
Mama’s Corner Cafe 519 SE Morrison, 233-3869 There aren’t enough good diners in Portland. Breakfast/lunch places that serve vegan tofu scrambles and French omelets with white cheddar are good, but sometimes one just wants to be in a place where the coffee is watery and there are pictures of Jesus on the wall. Luckily, now […]
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SELF-HELL
Analysis for People on the Go
Find your Celebrity Best Friend! We all wish that we had a celebrity best friend. But do you want to waste your time writing letters to someone who wouldn’t fit your lifestyle? It’s important to seek a celebrity best friend who will stick with you through thick and thin. Want to know who’s right for […]
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Bonfire Lounge
Bonfire Lounge 2821 SE Stark, 232-3704 Romance is in the air this week, but what if you’re not considered to be the “romantic” type? As it turns out, everybody is romantic, so you just need to figure out what kind of “romantic” you are. Do you dress up in well-tailored clothes, and come to the […]
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Madame Butterfly
Madame Butterfly 425 SW Stark, 525-0033 Ever do that thing where you leave on a weekend night and forget to eat dinner? This inevitably leads to finding yourself in some bar a few hours later, drunk, and passing out from hunger. In this circumstance, you usually resign to eating an entire bowl of bar-provided popcorn. […]