To the owner of the Audi Q5 with studded tires driving around our pothole-pocked street this April — first off, your car doesn’t need them. All wheel drive and some decent snowflake tires will allow you to get to the top of Timberline, much less your West Hills driveway, during the briefest of our ice storms. Also, end of March was the time to take them off, not mid June. When I hear the crunch of your approach on our dry, daffodil-lined neighborhood roads it is everything I can do to not toss a brick through your windshield.

Regarding the giant piles of mulch that appear in parking spots all over the neighborhoods this time of year, but quickly migrate into the middle of the street and limit car and bike traffic: dudes. I'm happy you killed your water-sucking lawns, and I bet you didn't realize you'd need to re-mulch every year or two to prevent your yard from turning into weed central (not the cannabis kind). But seriously, wait to have it delivered until you (or maybe your landscaper) are ready to distribute the whole pile away from the street and onto your garden. The piles that last weeks are a nuisance. Buy beer and have friends over to help. Also, that giant chunky yellow mulch is for playgrounds. You want medium dark hemlock, you're welcome. Thanks for taking care of your yard though, I do love all your lovely plants.

No matter how diligent I am about turning off all auto play settings on all my accounts, devices, and even thumbnail settings, videos still start playing by themselves. Moving images are not only incredibly distracting, but often are disturbing to the mind. Not to mention that they often feature content that I don't wish to see. It's sad that this was quickly adopted as the norm as soon as the technology became available and able to be implemented (no surprise), but we need to change this as a society.

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You’re are so performative with your advocacy. It’s honestly embarrassing. You absolutely lack any amount of self awareness. You have caused immense harm to other people but act like you are doing so much for others. You’re not charitable. You’re an awful mother and human being parading around your do-good acts for validation. You are bothered by the use of “struggle bus”? Really? But it’s ok to call people “psycho” and “crazy”? Good luck selling that house!

To the dude in the sauna at Everett House *loudly* guzzling water from a gallon jug of Arrowhead and sucking back snot: fuck yourself. I got out of there as soon as it occurred to me that you were infirm but not before catching your illness. Why are you like this? What possessed you to go to a public sauna sick?! You're selfish and and an asshole. Next time stay home with your gross ass, maybe take a few hot showers and wait to not be sick before ruining everyone else's week. Fuck you.

Scrolling through my news feed this morning causally reveals a thumbnail of a police officer's arm raised, gun in hand, mere seconds before firing and killing a youth with a toy gun. This is what we feature without shame. Yet 'exposure' of a unclothed human body is 'indecent' and 'harmful' enough to warrant an actual arrest as was demonstrated by literally the very next article in my feed: 'Grace Kelly arrested for indecent exposure'.

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Sheep dash into the butcher’s barn when he tells them there is a hungry wolf lurking in the field. Republicans flock to the polls to cast their votes for the people who would deprive them of Social Security and Medicare, fairly compensated employment opportunity, a quality education for their children, affordable housing, clean air and water and healthy food, health care, and equal rights before the law. If you assume there is a parallel between these two cautionary tales, you just might be right.

Felt like I stepped into a different reality yesterday when I was getting coffee at crema yesterday. Seeing 8+ LGBTQIA couples holding hands felt great like we were momentarily in a more advanced dimension- a place where I’ve always wanted to be. Enjoyed seeing these happy couples interact - love to you all

Why do you insist upon training brand new drivers during morning rush hour? I know people have to learn, but can’t rush hour be like a second or third step? I miss my connecting bus at least once a week because the new driver is too afraid to drive above 10 miles per hour! Fuck sake!

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Congratulations local casting professionals! The 2025 Academy Awards will include an Oscar for casting! Be honest. You think you might win one, huh? You deserve it...exactly as much as the guy who fixed up Shakespeare's parents deserves an award for Hamlet. Here's hoping you'll also get credit for all the actors you keep at the gate. You only let the right ones in. Certainly not those who broke one of your many secret rules. Whatever it was, never tell them! Keep them guessing. Most of all, you deserve recognition for your brilliant business model: getting hungry job-seeking professionals to give you their time, energy, training, resources, heart and soul FOR FREE, while YOU get paid for it. You definitely deserve something for all that. Next, let's see what we can do about a James Beard Award for craft services!

Why hasn’t anyone in this town produced a Flashdance: The Musical yet? What are you waiting for???

Remorse is a pernicious fusion of regret and guilt. Once it takes hold, there is no escape. Soldiers frequently suffer remorse. Too often they are compelled to do things that haunt them for what remains of their lives. Consider the following. A young man enters military service, goes through basic and advanced infantry training, and is thereafter assigned to a unit in a combat zone. Before he arrives in-country, the soldier suspects the war he is about to enter is both immoral and illegal. After arriving, he is certain of it. In the field, the soldier and his comrades conceal themselves in the brush alongside footpaths. They lay sweating as they wait for men to walk by, talking amicably among themselves. They ambush these men. Claymore mines announce the slaughter. Immediately thereafter, the soldier and his mates open fire with fully automatic weapons, M-60 machine guns and M-16 assault rifles. In a matter of minutes, the ambush is over. In the aftermath, there are torn bodies strewn about the killing zone, bits and pieces of bodies splattered against tree trunks and dangling from branches, and trails of blood leading off into the dense underbrush. Men lay dead. Others moan as the life oozes from their torn flesh. Still others limp off to die mere yards away. The day’s work is done. Let fifty years go by. If you assume the soldier has forgotten the images of those ‘bits and pieces’ festooning the trees, or that he has forgiven himself for what he had done, you would be wrong. Some images once seen are never forgotten - some acts once committed are never forgiven. Beseech the gods to grant you peace. All 10,000 of them remain silent for an eternity. Thank you for your service.

You did it, door-to-door doomsday cult proselytizers! You finally converted Grandma. It took you decades, but you had plenty of time to play the long game, huh, neighbors? You were right outside our door all along. Our family's every calamity, tragedy, and moment of need was an opportunity, so you came knocking. You treated every flag we flew, every holiday we observed and every birthday we celebrated as an invitation to drop by and lecture, judge and shame the lady of the house in particular. Over the years, you wore her down. You convinced her she was small and dirty and sinful. Then, when she was widowed with dementia and most vulnerable, you finally broke her. Persistence pays! You got her soul AND her money. I don't know how I can ever reciprocate. Unless...maybe I could target a family member of yours to convert to my faith, or lack thereof. I bet there are one or two who might do themselves a favor and try another flavor. Sure, they'd miss out on the posthumous paradise you promise. But it's not like you'd be short somebody. You've still got Grandma! Your lost lamb can go where I'm going. I bet you have an idea where that'll be. That would only be fair, right? I mean, I learned it by watching you. On second thought, nah. It would be despicable. But say hi to Grandma for me!

Graduating college and entering the work force comes with a lifestyle shift incomparable to any in life leading up to it. Whether you are fresh out of high school or just graduating college, you go from having winter breaks, spring breaks, summer holidays, midterm reading periods to one (maybe) paid holiday of July 4th, 6 months from now. So 'hard work' or whatever that means is suddenly a concept that young 20 year old's are grappling with especially in terms of mental resilience. Six months into my job at this law firm, I realized- wow, I actually kind of hate coming in everyday. Do I hate the work- no. But explaining to my boss that I actually hope to get hit by a bus almost every morning was met with a burst of laughter and a tirade about how when he was my age, he worked three jobs. Well guess what? I don't think I'm lazy for not wanting that. I am not even complaining about the work, which mind you was white noise at this point. Why am I lazy for not being given the autonomy to chart my own schedule (within reason of course) and decide accordingly how to get the work done. Do you know how much more productive I would be if I could work in my bed?? Why is my work ethic lazy just because it doesn't fit into the ridiculously archaic routine of 9-5. I hope the revolution of Gen Z paves a way for laissez fair management and less judgement on expectations that do not affect (if anything worsen) productivity.

Many religionists complain bitterly that we atheists lack the proper sensitivity toward their beliefs, and never consider how harsh and offensive some of our comments can be to members of the faith community. Religious people demand that atheists temper their comments regarding god and religion. They are very delicate when it comes to criticism and do not wish to be exposed to it. As I see it, respect, tolerance, and sensitivity ought to be two-way streets. If the faithful expect deference to their beliefs and traditions, it is incumbent on them to demonstrate the same degree of respect to the beliefs and traditions of the adherents of other faiths and to those who are non-believers. Do they? No! They are among the least tolerant people on the planet. No one could be less deferential. Coming as I do from an atheist’s perspective, I am offended by the never-ending bombardment of religious messaging, weary of the religious symbols constantly paraded before my eyes, tired of illogical prescriptions and proscriptions, and exhausted by the incessant religious blather of politicians and media representatives. These things offend me. Believe what you will. All I ask is that you spare me the fables, fairytales, and folk narratives that live in your otherwise vacant heads and stop all the whining about how badly you are being treated.