I’m just trying to make your sandwich correctly and quickly. YOU staring at me is very distracting and RUDE! Go outside and play on your phone or some shit if you want your sandwich made fast and good. Staring at us makes us make mistakes and go slower. Like really slow. Better yet, make your own sandwich and stare in your own fucking mirror you assholes, I’m tired of your shit!

So ODOT announced its installing a bunch of new traffic cameras. Meanwhile so many of the people driving like idiots have no plates or visible registration and cops don’t enforce it. What a joke.

Some kind of line is crossed when we go an entire summer in Portland with the air quality (according to Accuweather) in the fair to poor range, with a descent into unhealthful when the forest fire smoke blows our way. Now we're getting some rain to wash the nitrogen dioxide and particulates out of the air (these permanently damage your lungs and damage your intelligence because the particulates get in your bloodstream and cross the blood/brain barrier), and what do the good citizens of Portland do to celebrate? Burn wood in their fireplaces, the exact result of which is the same as smoke from forest fires. Congratulations on damaging your children and hastening our extinction as a species. Enjoy your cozy fires—which by the way, are ruining your indoor air, not just imposing noxious toxicity on your neighbors.

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I don't trust you if you aren't reading something, listening to music, or the pathetic looking at your phone. If all you're doing is staring into space, or looking and judging others, you call that thinking, but what you're going to eat or watch isn't mind expansion, in my mind. You are a waste. You are a waste of an existence to me. The 4 "L." Lingerers, Lurkers, Loiterers, and Leeches. You folks are everywhere. Please leave me alone. I do not like your kind. You are also a waste of time and life to me. I'm not into fake nails. I'm not into fake anything really. Nor am I into curly hair, or braids unless it is the two school girl braids. That is cute and tolerable. Besides the obvious of lameness, if you sit in your car, lights on and engine running, especially during the day time, you are the lamest of all lame. I don't trust you, nor do I like you in any capacity. The fifth "L." Lazy. All you all are. Too lazy to turn off those car lights especially during the day. Too lazy to turn off highlights. Too lazy to walk a few blocks. I do not like you. If you sit with your feet on seats on public transit or they're dangling in the aisle blocking the way, I will kick them. When I see you on your porch at any and all hours, being a nosy human, or head down on your phone, I also think you are a waste.

All the talk about new traffic cameras. Question…are the police going to do their job and enforce the law on all the cars with no plates or identification? Without doing that it really means nothing and the new police cruisers new feature is still invisible. Put a couple unmarked cars out there and do what I do every day on the way to and from work. Pull over the dangerous wankers and make an actual difference.

WHY—OH WHY do we have to change our clocks two times a year? It is BAD for our physical health and BAD for our mental health. Why can't our governments agree on something so simple as to resolve this silly clock changing twice a year. I have the OBVIOUS answer. Change clocks 30 minutes ONE TIME and NEVER touch them again.

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I DO believe that gummy worms are a UN plot to get us used to eating worms and larvae.

In an unexpected move, PacifiCorp executives recently announced an ambitious plan to expand the company’s carbon footprint. Their plan hinges on a tried and true strategy of putting roughly 1,200 cars back on the road in Oregon three days a week. With the average employee driving a round trip of 20 miles each day, this equates to approximately 72,000 pounds of greenhouse gas every week. Assuming those cars are on the road 48 weeks each year the total emissions should hit 1,570 tons in Oregon in 2024. In all seriousness, this goes against PacifiCorp committing to a net zero future. By reversing their remote work arrangements they are in effect increasing the amount of greenhouse gas emitted every day. Not only that, but other people that do need to report to a physical work location throughout the Portland area will now face increased traffic and commuting times. For all the “we care” press releases the company has put out, this new policy stands in stark contrast to their commitment to reduce pollution. Maybe it’s time for the company executives to adapt to the new normal and fully embrace remote work and the many benefits it provides. Or just acknowledge that they aren’t really doing everything in their power to reduce pollution; they are just doing what is required and nothing more.

Or, who do I make this out to? Whats the deal? Seriously, what's the deal? Why are chips now close to 6 dollars? I guess inflation is natural but what is zero logic is the fact that you have to make deals of buy 4 or 5 to get the price of $2.99. What makes sense is keeping the price level at the 3 to 4 dollar range and people will continually buy them so you do not contribute to overweight health issues and obesity. I'm sure you are seeing sales declining so you do this buy 4 for a good deal. 4 at the price of 3 dollars is $12. Or people buy 1 for the price of 6 dollars, which is still decent money you make, but I guess you risk people not buying it because it is such a rip off. There aren't more chips in these bags. In fact, you have a deal of 2 for 4 dollars for the small snack size bag which is even more a ripoff because there's like 3 chips in the bag and it cost half the price of a big bag. You really must be trying to get people fat. You must really think we have parties everyday to buy 4 bags of chips just to satisfy our cravings.

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I love my kids. I do. But I also fucking hate them sometimes. I wake up early to make them breakfast and make them lunch and take them to school. Then I work all day and pick them up from school and make them a snack and then they sit in front of the TV watching cartoons so I can cook them dinner. And then after all of that, they walk up to the table and complain about dinner like they're a goddamn emperor. Shut up, eat your dinner, go to bed. I'm goddamn sick of you.

Your tacky amateurish graffiti ruined one of the only things that brightens my day driving to work in the morning. You desecrated a memorial to one of the greatest women to ever take up the law. Who helped insure freedoms you're too stupid to realize you even have. You probably think of yourself as some sort of edgy street artist, part of some maraginialized underground subculture and, in all likelihood, a wanna-be anarchist. But here's the thing: Your behavior makes you look a lot like a MAGAt. Fuck you.

I tackled and disarmed a man with a gun today. I don’t know who he was and the cops that eventually showed up and took the gun didn’t know either. They also didn’t seem to care. They were on the scene for about 3 minutes. I have never before been in a situation with a gun. I really thought the cops would give a damn. I guess we will see if they do. I am not gonna hold my breath on that one though.

It starts where you begin. Just pick a place and push out from there. Remember you're breathing. It gets easier as you go. Don't look down. Hand by hand we go. We got this.

This is a declaration of affection, admiration, appreciation, and dare we say it, LOVE for the amazing, highly esteemed, peerless Elinor Jones. Thank you for the trash report! And also everything else!

To the various neighborhoods surrounding myself and where I work. When Covid first hit, to pass time, so many of you spent time gardening and planting that spring. I can’t begin to thank you enough for the last couple springs and summers, for just how beautiful your gardens have been and the explosion of color I’ve been treated to on my daily walks, and while I’m at work. It makes a chaotic world a bit more bearable when I get to see nature’s beauty and all that color. I can feel the “glaze” overcoming myself when I see it and am so grateful that in those early days of uncertainty, and needing to occupy your time, that you created such beauty. I used to jokingly say I could find a silver lining in a plague. And thanks to you, I have.