After a week of recovering from a bad sprained ankle, in bed, and house bound, I went to work for 30 hrs instead of the normal 40 hrs. My job is 100% walking. Oh the pain every STEP of the way, and basically learning a new way to walk. First thing is, getting anywhere takes twice as long. Getting to the point, I may have been too ambitious with work, then grabbing some groceries because housebound, and getting to my bus which is doable within 30 min, but I allowed myself 45 min. Still, twice I missed the bus. The second time was a 12 hr day, which was my Fri. I was excited because it was my Fri and I made it through the work week. I have 4 options for getting home, with 3 routes having 20 min walks. Yes, I missed the bus taking me closest to my house and the next bus would've been 45 min. I chose a route home which can be very regretful and it was. It's a busy route, I knew. Dropping off or picking up every stop. I could've had a chance to meet up with my main bus, but here's why I should've known it wouldn't happen. Fucking people. Taking their time like they have all the time in the world. Can't find payment. Questions. Taking sweet as time loading a bike. Then, 2 ramps deployed. People who are very capable but just completely incompetent and needy. I have a fucking sprained ankle and did everything I could to not inconvenience anyone and all these fucking people have no problem inconveniencing anybody. What a nightmare. No wonder humanity is hopeless.

Does the plan to tear down the Lloyd Center seriously include building a million square feet of office space? Is there not enough vacant office space in this city already? Do we think the internet is a fad and people will soon be clamoring to return to cubicles? Or is this a prank of some sort? Because this can't honestly be the plan

I wouldn't consider myself a crazy hairy person except for my head, really, but I got hairs all over my body. My face is the only area I shave. I got hair on my head, as stated. Hair on my arms, legs, back, chest, pits, and balls. Again, I'm not that hairy. I shower pretty much daily. I vacuum once a week. Lately I've been getting into the habit of when I wash my hair, after I'm done and drying my hair, and after my comb runs through my hair too, and collects hair, I'll shake my towel into the tub. Still hair falling into the tub. My other thing is, in the morning, I'll shake out my sleepwear. Honestly, I'll wear the same shirt, boxers, and pants for weeks. There's really no need to waste water. So, hence, the shaking of sleepwear. And after I shake each article of garment into the tub, more hair collecting into the tub. Now those aren't the long hairs of my head, but the little hairs on my arms, pubes, and elsewhere. It is insanely crazy how much hairs keep falling off my body. And I consider myself to have a clean home. With that said, I cannot imagine how nasty all you alls homes are. Your bathroom floors must be nasty.

How's it going out there Portland? Crazy times? I've been burying my head in the sand lately, after burning myself out trying to play my part in our current affairs (keeping it vague). It's been nice to rejuvenate at home, alone in solitude. There's an End of the World Party happening soon (preceded by a Dress to Get Laid Party), a nod to my friends and I's nostalgia for our youth and life in the early 2000's (basically, we're going to party insanely hard). But before that, I'm going to delve into the news for a bit (I checked out just before the attack on Iran - and all I know is that it happened but nothing else). It's going to be a lot I know, along with whatever else has happened. Then I'm going AWOL again from my societal duties for one last bender cause lord knows I need it. And then! And then.. well it's that time in the history of the world where I need to fight for what I believe in, for my light, and for love. "Do not go gentle into that good night. Old age should burn and rave at close of day. Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

I'm clear minded and have not lost myself to you in the last year or so. You almost seem like a different person or maybe it was just that I created in my mind a lot of what I enjoyed about you. Just an elaborate escapism fantasy to bring about some excitement. We're past all that now and it seems normal, mundane even. It's still lovely to catch your gaze. I can't seem figure out why I find you so mesmerizing.

You're supposed to stay on schedule for all major stops, not just blow past them 4 minutes early (and when there's a group of people walking up to the bus stop who clearly want your bus). Thanks a lot dickface.

For a good 5 years and longer, my teen neighbor kids and their friends play "Bball" in their 400 to 600 square ft concrete backyard. First, there's the intermittent and non rhythmic pounding of the ball, let's say on a quiet Sun morning. Then there's all the times the ball bangs up against our shared wood fence. Then there's, why not go to the park with a real hoop and court which is a 10 min walk away? Then there's, why not put that hoop on the street? I know, I know. They like the privacy of a backyard where there is no danger from all the evil people in the world. Then there's the time, the ball broke a pinwheel I had happily spinning in the breeze, with no apology, or accountability for the damage. Just a pinwheel, hehehe. Then there's the time, a loud bang rumbled my house. Mind you, the side of my house with a window on the bedroom is 5 feet from the fence. I came to find a football was the culprit as the teen who lives at the house made his friend retrieve the ball. I confronted in the moment, no accountability. How the fuck do you either throw a ball so crooked over the fence, or not catch the ball for it to fly over the fence! Then there's the repeated 10 min, maybe longer, depending? playing that goes on, until it stops, OR the balls end up in my yard. As many as three balls!

After a brilliant set by Paris Sashay, I was bored to gay tears by Matteo Lane’s set at the Schinzter. This was not a tight hour of comedy—it was podcast blather and impressions of impressions. It was bragging and name dropping without any self-reflection. The audience guffawed throughout! I guess you had to have already been a fan.

Not always, but at times...Every now and then...Once in a while...More often than not...A handful of times... This is the most normal occurrence but it happens in other realms to me too. Coincidences. Serendipity. I'll be watching a movie, and love a song, and need to learn who it is. Upon research, I garner the song or songwriter has had some anniversary associated with it, within 3 or 4 days. The other day I was craving gummy bears, which because of teeth issues, is not something I indulge in very much anymore. But I remembered I had some from a year ago. In the movie I was watching at that very moment, one of the characters reached into a drawer and started eating gummy bears. Clearly in the movie, it was trying to portray some character ticks the person had. Or, I'll finish one movie, and then randomly start a whole other movie without previous knowledge, and there is that sometimes smallest of roles actor in both movies. I often tell people I'm spiritual not religious. Whatever this means, whatever anyone wants to believe, I don't know. I do believe in universal occurrences like these, and I just wish I could understand the reasons and for me, harness whatever mysticism seems to be happening in that moment. People are like, "go buy a lottery ticket." I'm like, the world needs more mysticism as opposed to all this material greed and oppositional friction dividing us even on the smallest levels.

I am here connecting with my queerness, or trying to. I am here remembering to smile when I look in the mirror. I am here filling my physical spaces with affirmations and joyful rebellion. I am here talking to my therapist in too delicate of a way. I am here worrying about the way I sound on the phone, not able to hide my impatience. I am here trying to fill the void your love left in myself. I am here wondering why I am not heartbroken in the way I expected. I am here wondering if I am capable of the love you gave me. I am here talking myself down from calling myself a monster. I am here getting it wrong most of the time. I am here trying not to let the fact that you are still there stop me. I am here trying to figure out if everything I felt was a a facade, too convincing that I myself fell for it. I am here trying to figure out if I deceived us both so well we won’t recover. I am here feeling nauseous answering your calls and hoping you can’t tell. I am here with my jaw clenched, trying to breathe. I am here wondering what anything else looks like. I am here not feeling good enough. I am here starting to believe my friends when they say I look hot. I am here holding things in. I am here crying when I see an unexpected picture of our loss. I am here scared I have more clarity than I had. I am here on one side of this and you are there on a different side. I am here and you are there and I am here and you are there.

I love basketball, and I love the Blazers, but honestly folks, if we have 600 million dollars to spend we need to spend that money on schools, and housing people. It will be painful to see them leave, but it's the right decision based on real economic data, not the convoluted logic that a low rent Texas wheeler dealer is presenting us with. We can create a prosperous, livable city that sports teams with owner integrity and a moral compass will beg to be in. Love and Peace.

I hope folks know that the yellow flashing hazard lights don't excuse them from parking illegally or without paying on city streets? Or to just stay there and wait for someone or something? Or even to have the hazards going but exit your car to go do something real quick? Do you folks know this? You got your license somehow, so I hope you know? I'm sure you feel empowered to push that button as if it makes you immune to all other regulations some of us follow. Some of us.. Truth is, and by the looks of it, folks do whatever they want on the roads or sidewalks. No turn signals. Lyft drivers stopping in middle of roads to pick someone up. Even pedestrians no longer with walk signals to pay attention to anymore. Just go. But you were stuffing your face with your plate lunch, so I guess you're exempt now, eh?

I walked into an eatery, and it was empty. But I saw the employee turn and walk away from me. Mind you, this is such a normal response I expect because it happens that employees don't really wanna serve, and do talk shit about customers. I had my music on headphones so it is my bad if i was greeted. I'm have a job that involves greeting people. I do take pride in making everyone feel welcome, so I'm sorry I get offended. I also have an issue with people who have jobs, making money, which is what they want, then noone seems to care anymore about finding and keeping employment that the attitude I see is lackadaisical and unenthusiastic wherever I go. Our interaction finally happened, there was no acknowledgement, only lackluster words, "what would you like today?" Maybe I should've taken initiative and said hello first? I am a responsive person and I know how tedious it is to greet what is mostly a rotten population. Maybe I should've stopped my music as soon as I got in the door, but the music really does calm me from so much noise. I didn't do these things. I'll never know. Anyway, I'm sorry I walked out when the person tried to serve me very passively and apathetically. I can't take more of this uninspiring world we're living in. Though the world goes round and round, and I'm sure my walking out is just making the cycle endless. We live in a delicate world of irony and contradiction. Light and love all transmit and transfer. But it's hard when my own light and love has diminished. Again contradictions. And when to give light and love because, to be honest, so much faith and trust is gone in it.

Not gonna lie, wasn't my favorite grocery store. A little too expensive, a little out of the way. I didn't shop there enough to say I wasn't part of the problem. But that insane sausage collection has graced my grill at cookouts for nearly twenty years. And as a proud grillmaster, when someone brought oddball sausages from Sheridan's, you knew you were going to have to pay attention, because the wild boar with blueberries cooks hotter and faster than the alligator, which cooks low and slow. Slice them up into small bites and they're gone in twenty minutes. Sheridan's sausages made every cookout better. So let's pour one out for Sheridan's. I'm gonna miss that place.