Anxious in my skin when I attempt to talk or be in a crowded room...in a room with more than a hand full of people. I used to be filled with energy to give myself to the cause but now I cant seem to sort and bag apples in a room filled with a cacophony of muffled conversation and that ringing in my ears. Those apples were for hungry children but I walked away, too overwhelmed by existing. How can I be this person in my head? The one who is ready to fight against this madness by showing that empathy is possible. I want to share this wealth of love I feel in my heart but am paralyzed by perception. I'm told I have to help myself before I can help others. I have to love myself to love anyone else. Its been years and that hasn't helped me to be within this society. It has only helped me to be alone where a feel comfort and love for myself and who I truly am. I wish I lived in a society that embraced empathy and love instead of shunning these parts. Judgement, ridicule and a lack of acceptance and understanding are how we got this violent horrible world. Try being nice to the freaks and see the world that comes from it

You did not "find" my cat. You kidnapped my cat. MY cat is unchipped, unvetted, uncollared. It kills things for a living and tortures small animals for pleasure. It eats baby rabbit face. I generally don't touch it. You deserve all the scratches you get, you fucking do-gooder.

All around me, I see people drifting through life like it is endless free credit. Never taking stock of their mistakes, never owning the consequences until it is too late. Unless you act while you can, unless you humble yourself and make amends, life will not wait to remind you. Some might think that retconning into the fun is automatic, but it is not; it is a privilege for those who actually make good choices. Take responsibility now, or you will discover later that the system does not negotiate, it rewrites you into the story you refused to lead. Acts of acknowledgment, small gestures of repair, and genuine apologies are the only things that unlock the softer side of consequence. Refusing humility will not stop the world from reshaping you, it will just ensure the rewrite is harsher, more ironic, and less fun. The truth is simple, step up willingly and you can be retconned into a better narrative, ignore the warning at your own peril, and life will do it for you anyway, but with less mercy than you imagine.

If you have a weird shaped business card, I hate you

Monday around 5pm. Way to double park and just leave your stupid ass Amazon vehicle there to block our bus from getting through, backing up traffic for God knows how far (and for like ten full minutes, if not longer). Think about how many people you made late that didn't have to be, if you had just pulled up a hundred feet to one of the open parking spaces. That's why you follow the rules of the road.

Hey, noisy car guy, let me help you. I’ve had a wife, daughters, a mother, a sister, hundreds of female coworkers, a couple of girlfriends, a couple of hot neighbors. Not one of them has ever said, “You know, a noisy car really turns me on.” Not one of them has ever said “I’d do anything for you if you had a noisy car.” Need attention? Need to be heard? So raise your voice at the ballgame. Raise your voice at the protest. Speak up when your coworkers are being idiots. Speak up at the ballot box. Raise your voice at your teenagers when they do something reckless. Speak up at what you consider unfairness. Meanwhile, do us all a favor, head to Midas and fix your fucking muffler.

In response to "Kroger Crime Family" and Oregon's new ID swipe law. Giving your ID to private companies to ab/used can be entirely avoided by carrying a Passport Card. Passport Cards display less personal information than a Driver License and contain no barcode that can be scanned. On the back is a unique number that points to your information in some federal database somewhere. The card itself does not hold this information, unlike a DL. If an employee wants to create a digital scan of your ID, that's a good time to read a printout of "18 U.S. Code § 701" which you keep in your wallet. Almost nobody will risk fooling with federal law, whether it's enforced or not. Of course, this means you must trust the federal government more than the random pimpled teen working at Kroger. For most people, I think it's an easy decision. > "18 U.S. Code § 701" > Whoever manufactures, sells, or possesses any badge, identification card, or other insignia, of the design prescribed by the head of any department or agency of the United States for use by any officer or employee thereof, or any colorable imitation thereof, or photographs, prints, or in any other manner makes or executes any engraving, photograph, print, or impression in the likeness of any such badge, identification card, or other insignia, or any colorable imitation thereof, except as authorized under regulations made pursuant to law, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than six months, or both.

The Fred Meyer clerk who grabbed my ID in November and scanned it before I could say anything could see the white in my hair and said he knew I was well over 21, but it was Kroger store policy. I told him it violated Oregon law, and he said, "I don't think so." I did a little Googling and found that Kroger has indeed been sued for breaking this law and has successfully lobbied to change it. That law went into effect January 1, so it was still illegal to scan my ID in November. The updated law still says they can't monetize the data and fines them if they misuse it, but considering they were breaking the law before and and were so desperate to change it so they could continue to scan the IDs of people obviously over 21, it would be foolish to think they aren't still breaking the law, not to mention the very real threat of data breaches. I can't think of a greater example of contempt for your own customers than breaking a law that protects them and then lobbying to change the law when caught. They'll certainly never get the opportunity to scan my ID again.

I lost all my contacts. My number has changed, multiple times. I am being encouraged to build upon a false narrative. A false past. A clean slate, a story that is “permissible” to move forward. With those who are less than trustworthy or truthful. No questions are allowed. I did not willingly sign up for this. My current strategy is to survive. If there are disagreements about the tools I have utilized in the past, that is fine. At least be honest about it. Otherwise, keep moving on without me. That’s okay. Wisdom has been cultivated and growth has occurred. Yet, no connections have been made. I won’t give up on myself. Simply firstnamelastname@gmail.com Or, where I grew up. I don’t know where any of you are or where to contact you. Otherwise, I would have a long time ago. Take care of yourselves. Whatever you choose, I don’t blame you.

Sorry lady but nobody likes their landlord. In fact, several massive civil conflicts ("revolutions" one might say) have been waged around the world about this matter, regarding which tenants are pretty universally united: rent sucks. If you want people to be happy with your work, maybe you should get a job that helps people rather than exploits them for nothing.

Crows are supposed to fall asleep after sundown. By tradition, they gather to squawk the daily news before roosting when daylight dips. Humans, pre-historically, have been similar. Of course, we have fingers, which let us hold a needle for sewing, hold flint and pyrite for lighting fire, or hold gauze and set a splint. Crows have two feet and with good balance they can use one a little like a hand, and a beak that's tantamount to chopsticks permanently attached to a digestive system. They cannot form suction or gulp; that's why they throw back their heads to drink water. So when I walk through downtown, and Nimhian corvids bark at each other from the Pioneer treetops near midnight, something unusual is happening. This isn't how their bodies work. It's how they choose to work. Humans aren't the only ones the Anthropocene is transforming.

Been loving my time in Portland so far. I even got invited to my first orgy! It was supposed to be a post Christmas bash and I decided to get ready for it properly and timed my 'enhancement' to kick in right near the start. Unfortunately, it was cancelled last minute and I was left with most of the evening with nothing to do. Not only that, but I discovered that my pills were pretty weak sauce after all, as they didn't have any effect. Or so I thought. Fast forward a few hours and I'm sitting in a clothing optional facility (which will remain nameless) and suddenly I felt a massive flush of energy down 'there'. I tried to wait out my massive boner by laying on top of it until it subsided like I assume you're supposed to in such situations. Of course, because of the pills, it never did, and I was left with two options. 1: I could try and find a spot to furiously masturbate and hope that no one saw me (obviously grounds for some serious repercussions. Or 2: Just proudly rock out with my erection out as if nothing was out of the ordinary. I went with option 2. But people definitely noticed. So sorry for that if you were one of those folks. I just thought I should tell you that that's why.

One of my favorite days of the year, December 26. No more fucking Christmas music!

Thank you to all the bus/MAX drivers who keep it warm inside. Nothing sucks more than being soaking wet and being stuck on somebody's bus with zero heat and most of the windows open. It's official winter and it can get quite cold. Even the vibe can get kind of dark and make everyone, not just myself, miserable. So thanks again to those who turn on the heat, and turn it on full blast if you keep the front two windows (or a hatch open). You actually help me to enjoy my life rather than suffer it. (Also just thanks for being awesome in general).