For nearly two decades, the I, Anonymous column has been giving readers LIKE YOU a place where they can unleash their angriest rants and most intimate confessions anonymously. So as you can imagine we’ve heard some offbeat stuff. Take, for example, this classic I, Anonymous from 2008 rightfully called, “You’re Killing Me with Your Slide Whistle.”
Dear next-door neighbor: You’re killing me with your slide whistle. I know you’re only like two-and-a-half-feet tall, but dude… a girl can only take so much. Maybe you didn’t realize it, but your entire family recreates right outside my apartment window. I can hear everything you do and then some. (Like the time you had to go potty, but couldn’t hold it in? That was funny.) Don’t get me wrong, I’m cool with most of the small-people noises you make, but a full hour of slide-whistling? That’s too much for anyone to endure. Unfortunately, I don’t have the balls to tell you to stop. You’re small and you scare me. But if you can read, I’m begging you: No more slide whistle! Or at least try the violin!—Anonymous
The I, Anonymous blog is kind of like a kid with a slide whistle—it just won’t stop! Drop off your rants and confessions here, and if it’s an especially good story, we may run it in the print edition of the Mercury or feature it in our monthly I, Anonymous Show and podcast! (Listen to lots of hilarious shows here!)
