Surprise! I’m in trouble again. You know, I’m beginning to suspect that my erratic personality combined with being the editor of a newspaper read by millions might be a recipe for disaster.
But I’ll back up.
In every issue, we publish an article called, “New Column!” It’s almost always a parody of some sort, and the joke is that we’re forced to debut a “New Column!” every issue because it always fails. (A concept that’s a lot funnier when spoken aloud.)
Anyway! “New Column” is where you’ll find such anti-favorites as “Frank Cassano’s Imbecile Parade,” “One Hulk’s Opinion,” and rando classics like “The ‘Sexy Grandpa’ Poetry Contest.”
HOWEVER! A personal fave is what we call “the celebrity rhyming gag.” We pick a random celebrity and rhyme the title of their column with their last name, such as:
“What’s My Gripe? by Michael Stipe.” “Who Put Ham in My Dannon? by Stephen K. Bannon.” “Those I’ve Killed So Far by the Portland Streetcar.” “These Jokes’ll Revolt Ya by John Travolta.” “Curing Your Streptococcus by Art Alexakis.” “I Use Tough Actin’ Tinactin’ by Samuel L. Jackson.” And one that I love/regret the most: “I Slipped the Banana to Hannah Montana by Carlos Santana.”
