“I think the thing that would really get Steve, “ popular/ist commenter Graham said as we were staging a mock serial killer bedroom in his basement, “is to be bored. Just make him really bored.”
This Discomfort Zone might be like shooting fish in a barrel because, as Steve readily admits, “I am very easily annoyed by almost anything.”
Cat Stories II Open Mic Event
Everyone hates an open mic. This open mic promises to expose those who don’t hate an open mic all over Wm. Steven Humphrey. With cat stories. Before breakfast.
Sat Aug 20, Joe’s Cellar, 1332 NW 21st, 10:30 am
Toby Keith at Sleep Country Amphitheater – Hey Warriors, it isn’t that there’s anything wrong with a Toby Keith concert except that Wm. Steven Humphrey would totally HATE IT. It has been suggested that Steve be forced/encouraged to dress up for this event, either wearing a turban or wrapping himself in the French national flag.
Thurs Aug 19, Sleep Country Amphitheater, Ridgefield, WA, 7 pm
The 8th Annual Dark Alice in Wonderland Ball – Another costume mandatory event! We love it when Wm. Steven Humprey dresses up. My excitement for this event may stem from my deep-seated need to see all the men in my life as goth dancers. I never before realized I also want to see them dressed up as Alice In Wonderland characters. Steve is a natural caterpillar, don’t you think?
Sat Aug 20, Mt. Tabor Theater, 4811 SE Hawthorne, 9 pm
Kottonmouth Kings – This is truly brutal and unusual for a discomfort zone. Some would put this at a step below an Insane Clown Posse concert. I might put it as a step above. Truly the worst rappers known to mankind. I forgot to ask Steve how he feels about rap.
Sat Aug 20, Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE 39th, 8 pm
4th Annual Corgi Walk in the Pearl – Steve made a big deal to shriek and act offended when we brought this up during an editorial meeting. I’ve checked with a few people and it seems legit. Wm. Steven Humprey hates corgis, feels unsettled in their presence and experiences vertigo when watching them run.
Sat Aug 20, NW Park & Everett, 9 am-noon
Toby Keith or BUYA
(boot up your ass)
Toby Keith.
You couldn’t pay me.
And, he has to dress ‘hipster’ to feel at home there too.
Cat Slam – with the stipulation that no alcohol be ingested.
Ummm… you guys know if you chose the Alice in Wonderland ball, I’d have to go in costume, right? It’s a COSTUME ball!
I just brought Toby Keith into a three-way tie with Kottonmouth Kings and Cat Stories, so clearly the only way to settle this is to make him attend a Toby Keith/Kottonmouth Kings jam session where they sing songs about [un]funny cat stories.
How do I vote for “All of the above”?
Attending the Kottonmouth Kings concert show seems too easy. From looking on youtube, they seem to REALLY like singing about pot. How about we up the discomfort a bit and require him to wear an anti-marijuana t-shirt and be a pretend “Fly High Naturally” advocate for a night?
Why so elaborate? Just send him to an AA meeting. In, say, Medford.
http://www.medfordareaaa.org/
Cat Slam but only because I kind of want to go to there.
I don’t see what’s so bad about Cat Slam. Cats are nice, stories about cats are funny, and Joe’s has coffee.
If it’s boring he hates, make him hang out with Quig. Judging by his writing, that’s the most boring dude in Portland.
As long as you’re sober! *vote vote vote*
I want to see him dressed up in a ridiculous costume and made to dance like a spastic, preening goth boy. Also, send him with someone who’s really into it, to compound his discomfort and record the proceedings.
Yep, I knew Hump wanted to go to Alice. I bet he has the costume all laid out at home already, eyeing it lovingly when he gets home.
TOBY KEITH!!
Cat Fancy, but you have to go in costume.
TOBY KEITH is a no brainer (just shy of Kootoonmouf Dickheads).
OH jeez, Toby Keef. Do it for ‘murika.
I think he should take it like a champ and do all of them.
Nay to the Alice in Wonderland. He’ll get a boner and this is about DIScomfort. Kottonmouth it is.
Why don’t we send him to Kottonmouth Kings AND require that he dress as a Juggalo? Two birds, one stone.
GODDAMMMIT!!! CAT FANCY???? Fuck me! (No, seriously… fuck me. That’s the only way I’ll be able to survive this.)
WSH, readers of this blog have been disappointed so often by this series that we need to establish a few rules:
NO, you may not go to the zoo instead.
NO, you can’t drink anything alcoholic, even though it’s at a bar.
NO, you may not bring a friend like Smirk did.
If a pick-up artist approaches you at the event, you have to go home with him/her.
Anyone else have anything to add?
Meow is the hour of our discontent…
You can now view the Cat Stories II event in its entirety: http://overheardinpdx.blogspot.com/2011/08/video-cat-stories-ii-at-joes-cellar.html