A harmless log throwing contest quickly turns to genital tragedy when a “friend” convinces the victim to put on a blindfold, and—surprisingly—proves himself to be less of a “friend” than previously imagined. On the other hand, the “friend” does get style points for the intricate manner in which he mutilates the victim’s genitals. (It should be noted that the previous sentence has never been uttered in the history of humankind.)

Mutilated tips to Buzzfeed.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=ZLDZEY5HShc%26hl%3Den%26fs%3D1%26

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

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