Sure, you’d love to go to the Convention Center to attend Major Ed Dames’ seminar “Surviving The Killshot” for a measly $299/person—but YOU CAN’T because it’s sold out. That’s too bad. Now you’re going to get killshotted.
Major Ed Dames is a former intelligence officer who claims he was trained by the military to be a psychic. Now retired, he uses his magical powers to be not very helpful in solving crimes for money (don’t spoil the end of Serial for me, Major Dames!) and predicting the end of the world. He missed just slightly when he said the world would be destroyed by alien spores in 1998, but it’s okay. It’s a game of inches.
Now Dames is back and he’s got a new theory about the Killshottening, which is mostly about solar radiation, but is also somehow related to constitutional overreach and Fukushima power plant. His interviews tend to ramble a bit, so it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what he believes. Or MAYBE he’s just saving the best stuff for his live lecture in Portland which, again, you can’t go to because it’s already sold out.
Obviously you’re curious now what you would have received for your $299 if you had gotten off your lazy ass and bought tickets for this amazing event (which the website said WILL sell out, because they’re psychic, remember?). Allow me to enlighten you:
All live events include catered coffee, lanyard event access badge, workbook, pen, and free gifts. Attendees are responsible for their own travel arrangements, accomodations [sic] and meals.
You know it’s a fancy event when your lanyard badge is listed as one of the benefits of attendance. But what you’re really getting for the money is the knowledge of how to not get Killshot. If you’re not persuaded by the free gifts (survival maps and a DVD—I hope it’s Fight Club!), note that the workshop runs from 9am to 6pm. $299 for a full nine-hour day of Dames rambling sounds pretty reasonable. And there’s a free pen!
If anybody’s got an extra ticket because, maybe, your date cancels at the last second, please keep me in mind. I’d love to go. Major Dames requires a signed non-disclosure to enter so I won’t be able to tell you about it, but I wouldn’t anyway because I want to save all my non-killshotting for myself.
PT Barnum said it best.
Okay, that is way more whacko than I thought it would be. I read the event name on the convention center sign, and thought maybe a military training or hostile negotiation seminar. That sign is a municipal treasure. The things that come to our convention center…