THERE SEEM to be three opinions about the television show Portlandia: (1) “It’s pretty funny, I like it.” (2) “It’s the worst. I named my dog Sleater-Kinney because of it, and I HATE MY DOG.” And (3) “I’m not familiar with Portlandia.”
Count me among the first group. Portlandia isn’t perfect, but writing sketches is hard, and they knock out some banging sketches. Sometimes it generalizes Portland in ugly ways, but they’re just trying to be funny. I would have to say my one criticism of the show is that they don’t have a native Portlandian on the writing staff… well, I’m here to offer my services. Here’s a list of sketch ideas that I think would go over great on the program.
• A graphic designer makes a fixed-gear bicycle out of pork belly. Portland vibrates violently and dematerializes.
• A local white becomes flummoxed.
• A radio disc jockey tries to sneak his own mandolin-based songs onto a Top-40 radio station. The microphone in the radio station is played by Randy Newman.
• The word “quinoa” is used in conversation an absurd amount of times.
• The Starlight Parade is picketed due to the inherent white privilege of a group of people being allowed to cavort drunkenly through public streets near police horses.
• A breakfast fiasco!
• A group of husbands get into an “I saw Radiohead first” measuring contest. Radiohead is played by Randy Newman.
• Something with Lake Bell in it at some point.
• A debate erupts at a waffle window. In question is the appropriate direction for a line to proceed after it has exceeded the width of the sidewalk. Fred and Carrie insist left, Randy Newman has other ideas.
• A man insists “ciabatta” is properly pronounced “see-ah-bash-eya.” He cites the Chilean heritage of his adopted daughter for his authority and expertise. Nobody calls him on his bullshit.
• A couple make themselves destitute and penniless through their practice of “Incredibly Unfair Trade,” where they pay indigenous workers WAY TOO MUCH money for their goods.
• A travel agency specializing in Costa Rica exists only to dissuade people from going to Costa Rica because “tourism is really super not great for the ecosystem there.”
• An entire conversation takes place in ascending tones.
• LESBIANS. IN. ADOBES.
• Fred and Carrie open a fixed-gear popsicle stand. It is obnoxious.
• At a trivia night, two teams and a judge quibble over the correct pronunciation of author Chuck Palahniuk’s last name. Chuck Palahniuk guest stars as Randy Newman.
• A man opens a confrontational “24 Hour Church of Chuck Berry, Ivory Joe Hunter, and James Brown” right across the street from the 24 Hour Church of Elvis.
• Burning Man Person.
• A woman tries to urban farm on a bus. It does NOT go well.
• Fred and Carrie run for mayor of Portland. Despite receiving Kyle MacLachlan’s endorsement, they lose a narrow race to Randy Newman.
The word “quinoa” is used in conversation an absurd amount of times.
This. Also, posh Pearl District baby yoga. It’s never too early!
***yawwwwwwwwwwwwn**
Long line outside a 2-seat brunch restaurant where the seated couple has paid the bill and seeing the waiting crowd decides to linger.
I must say, the quinoa one sounded too much like a Portlandia sketch. Didn’t they already do that?
A great example of how funny this show is is the sketch where they’re trying to fit Joanna Newsom’s harp into a hatchback. What a silly idea! The hatchback is clearly too small, and you should never try to force it in because harps are delicate. But they don’t understand something as simple as this because they’re probably stoned — because they’re hippies! That’s also why they’re playing silly music out in a meadow and have long hair and goatees and stuff.
So Fred kicks the harp to get it into the car. He kicks it hard! Then Carrie kicks it a few times. Then Fred kicks it some more. You get the idea… a side-splitting situation for sure. Watch Joanna’s expression as she simply cannot believe what’s happening to her harp. Oh man, this could get ugly, am I right? So they keep trying to force it into the car, and then Carrie falls down on the ground. The longer it goes on, the more the comedy builds up.
As a YouTube commenter observed, this is “just an epic lol, damn those hipsters!” And here’s where the cultural commentary comes in: The whole reason this situation has arisen is because they drive a hatchback. If the guy had a pickup truck, like men in most other places drive (you won’t find the average Portlander driving one of these rugged vehicles!), then the whole silly situation could have been averted! Oh, I can just imagine all the hipsters getting angry at how perfectly their subculture has been lampooned here. That just adds to my own amusement!
Fred accidentally impregnates his sister, Carrie.
Chinatownlandia
A group of tatted up, pretentious four eyed hipsters enter the service industry and act like entitled ass hats. Lazy ones at that. Oh wait, that’s not funny that is what happens far too often. @ Regular guy, while you are being sarcastic, your second to last statement is often true. Even though the show is not very funny, some of you sure are.
THE URBAN FARMING ON A BUS IS EPICALLY BRILLIANT IAN!
This is good, and you don’t need Randy Newman:
• A couple make themselves destitute and penniless through their practice of “Incredibly Unfair Trade,” where they pay indigenous workers WAY TOO MUCH money for their goods.
Thank you for taking the time out of your day to tell me you liked it! Makes my goddamn day.
Chinatown Shore?
I just want a series detailing the life of Michael Krupp. I know he rides the 58 bus, buys coffee at Public Domain sometimes, and has been on more than one flight. And if he’s played by Edward James Olmos, so be it.
Fred and Carrie are rebuffed at a local restaurant and are told they can’t bring their “service animal” inside with them. They throw customary entitled hissy fit. Service animal is finally revealed to be a cow wearing a giant florescent yellow “service animal” vest.