Hey, did you guys forget that the world is a scarier place than a haunted house where a clown got murdered to death? I did for a second, and then I got reminded by the town of Maryville, Missouri that people can be awful.
A teenage girl Daisy Coleman, (her mom gave permission for the media to use her name) was allegedly raped by a high school senior, Matthew Barnett, left unconscious on her front lawn. When she came forward she was shamed publicly for accusing a local high school football star. Barnett was charged only with a misdemeanor, and all rape charges were dropped, because of a lack of evidence.
Daisy’s mom told reporters a girl wrote on Daisy’s Facebook wall, “you’re a fake and a phony,” and even worse, that high school girl wasn’t Holden Caulfield. Another Facebook post said, “you wanted it…you’re a slut.” (Protip: if someone wanted sex they usually don’t need to be blackout drunk and semi-conscious. When someone wants sex they usually say, “I want sex.” Or in my case, “My what a big Astonishing X-Men collection you have there. All the better to lend to me before and after I make love to you?”)
Blaming the victim is traumatizing. Local comedian Lucia Fasano has a joke about it: “This is my impression of what it looks like when a woman is ‘asking for it.’ Please can we have sex? Please can we have sex? Come on, I’m going to get my period like yesterday. Please can we have sex?”
I hate that a young girl was slut shamed by her community. Matt’s friend Jordan Zech reportedly filmed the rape but then deleted the video, because I guess the cinematography didn’t invoke enough of the pedantic stylings of french noir. On Thursday all rape charges were dropped like they were hot. On Twitter the hashtag #jordanandmattarefree was started by Matt’s friends to celebrate. That’s disgusting. Even worse, no cake.
It breaks my heart that victims are shamed on the internet. It makes me disappointed in the Illuminati of lol-cats who run the web. I guess they’re too busy worrying about keyboards, cheeseburgers, and catnip to understand the repercussions of victim shaming. Blaming the victim not only hurts the victim in question but also discourages others from coming forward, and reiterates the underlying fear that we don’t have agency over our own bodies, that we’re things to be looked at and acted upon.
My heart goes out to anyone who has experienced any form of victim shaming. I just want you to know, it’s never your fault. Blame the perpetrator, blame society, blame the dynasty of the ducks, but never blame yourself. I’m so sorry you have to go through awful ordeals and I’m so proud of you for being brave enough to come forward, not just for yourself, but for women everyone. There are people out there who love and support you in your bravery, and I’m one of them.
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Well, that was vapid.
Good article, but typos at the end: “blame enough to come forward, not just for yourself, but for women everyone.”
Just a heads up.
Deleted files usually aren’t actually erased – they’re just flagged as being available to be re-written the next time space is needed. I wonder if the courts failed to look, or if the defendant’s friend took some provable extra-special steps to make sure the film was gone?
In addition to this rapist, Amway has financially raped 10s of millions of people: http://www.stoptheamwaytoolscam.wordpress.com
I’m sure the author here is aware that there’s a psychology to victim shaming, which is often a projection of one’s own fear. I do think it was a mistake for the family to be so public afterwards (emphasis on the after), because when you unveil yourself for public scrutiny it will not all be positive, no matter how blameless you might appear to be. Plus, the person held up as an example of x problem then has the burden of being perfect.
BABS!
@OTP: The word you’re looking for is ‘libel’.
@Graham – I’m sure it’s both slander and libel, yes? Spoken and published?
Lay off french noir, Barbara. No, seriously, lay him off, he’s lazy and doesn’t really need the job. Czech noir, now *he’s* a hard worker, I’ve got big plans for that boy.
That joke about women “asking for it” isn’t funny. It’s sad actually. Girls are not that overt and rather than have a dialogue about what that means for teen sexual interplay some old feminist cracks dumb jokes.
Please take note of my advice that eventually you should write the columns “Don’t be a Dick, Andy Dick,” “Don’t be a Dick, Dick-Sargent-to-Dick-York-Preferrers,” and “Don’t be a Dick, ‘Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick’ Scene in RESERVOIR DOGS.”
I honestly don’t understand these columns. It is not the subject matter, who thinks rape or violence towards women is acceptable? or Sexism? No one sane. It seems that you are writing these to be witty or cause reaction. I have seen your comedy. You have talent. This, not so much although I don’t doubt your sincerity. It just seems like these pieces are often a train wreck. Good luck with your career, because getting the reaction you do means something is working. I just don’t think this is it, no offense intended
Nice concern trolling, showstopper. If you had read any of her previous columns, you might have some idea that sexism exists, and efforts to paper over it and encourage people not to speak out against it actually reinforce it by communicating that people who do sexist shit shouldn’t be held accountable.
And if you had read this one, you might have some idea that there are people that think rape and violence against women are acceptable. More acceptable than accusing someone of rape, at the very least.
Wow, a bunch of responses magically disappeared!
Ah, you can erase all you like, but the message gets out anyway.
takes a huge amount of courage to stand up and say something publicly about rape and incest. If people don’t start doing it rape will never be stopped. The backlash is from The people that are involved and don’t want it to stop or be exposed; because it will disturb their life. This should be obvious.
Okay, I guess my comment was hated. Go ahead and use people as symbols for rape, hate crimes, abortion, Obamacare. It seems to work out so well for them and us. (Remember those people with the hateful notes on their receipts?).
Also, victim blaming has no psychology behind it. It’s pure evil. Never mind psychology. Go about your business.
Uh, yeah, after reading about it in the included link, and some linked police reports, that case is truly fucked up, in that complex, and probably undecipherable, human way.
Alcohol is bad shit. And do you think courts, psychologists, the police, or lawyers actually have humans figured out?
I don’t blame her any more than him, they’re both dumbshits, too bad she’s been on the worse end of it.