Remember the mid-00s, when One Day would spend a gas tanker full of ink every week on Kevin Federline and his sad bride Britney Spears? Well, like a ghost rising from a pile of Ed Hardy shirts, Kevin has returned! According to the Blast, Kevin’s lawyer wants to revisit the pair’s 2008 child custody agreement which still gives Federline $20,000 per month (!!) for partially raising their two children. Now that Brit-Brit’s head-shaving, umbrella-bashing days (#neverforget) are long past, and she’s currently enjoying a Las Vegas residency that’s netting her a cool $15 million a year, it’s not surprising that Kevin is not only back, but wants MOARRRRR. However, in his defense, Britney, it’s not 2008 anymore! And it costs a lot of money to take kids to Fuddruckers, buy them “Juicy” sweatpants and velour fedoras, and multiple copies of Kevin’s 2006 single “Popozão”! Also, the trailer park called, and he’s a little behind on rent.
Just so you know, Ivanka Trump—a model and fashion accessories designer with zero foreign policy experience—was sent to South Korea today to meet with President Moon Sae-in and brief him on economic sanctions against North Korea. IN A TOTALLY UNRELATED STORY… According to the Blast, reviled pop star Justin Bieber may be starting his own fashion line called “The House of Drew” (Drew is JB’s middle name) which will undoubtedly feature droopy-ass pants and an assortment of hockey jerseys. CONFIDENTIAL TO PRESIDENT TRUMP (who lost the popular vote by 2,864,974 votes and has the lowest approval rating of any president in the history of modern polling): Sure, Justin isn’t a blood relative, and doesn’t have a permanent security clearance—but neither does Ivanka! And when it comes to fashion, he’s at least as talented as your daughter. So make him a special envoy to Syria! C’MON! He’s perfect! He peed in a restaurant mop bucket, for Chrissakes! #neverforget