Your cat frequently trots by my house with dying wildlife in his jaws, which is upsetting. I knocked on your door, introduced myself, and asked to speak to you about the murder-cat in a calm and respectful manner. Did you tell me your name? No. You said that I had no right to “lecture” you because I have two children (implying, I guess, that I have a higher carbon footprint than you do). If you should be forced to walk around noticing that children exist, my family should be forced to watch your cat torture wildlife. That’s a pretty damn half-assed analogy, since I wasn’t disputing your right to have a pet cat. I like your little ogre! He's very friendly! I was asking if you could find a way to exercise your beast that wasn’t harmful to those in your immediate vicinity. If my children ever poop in your yard or torture kittens in front of your house, please let me know and I’ll put a stop to it.

Later, you and your friend walked by my house twice, holding cocktails, and you made it a point to say hello to my kids. Did you perhaps feel a tad bit funny about telling me you wish they didn’t exist?