Credit: Illustration by Kalah Allen

I am 43 years old and childless by choice. I like kids. I just don’t want to raise one. However, I’d like to think that if I did have kids, and I was bicycling with them, and I chose to do it on the sidewalk, I’d teach them to slow down when they approach a corner. I like to think that if my daughter did go barreling out of control around a corner and almost run a person over, instead of looking at that person and expecting her to grin happily at the beautiful specter of a child who’s obviously been given no proper biking instruction almost running over her foot, I’d apologize profusely and remind my daughter to be careful when turning corners. I don’t imagine I’d be confused and offended when the victim of my carelessness did not react with great pleasure at nearly being slammed into. If you’re going to travel with your kids at speeds greater than pedestrians on a sidewalk, teach them how to use their brakes, and to apply them when approaching blind corners. You may think it’s awfully adorable that your daughter was going too fast and forgot how to stop, but it’s not as cute as you think it is.—Anonymous

4 replies on “I, Anonymous”

  1. Why do you assume she is bitter? I wouldn’t be impressed with that kind of behavior either… if the kid got injured, who’s fault would it be?

  2. It is unfortunate that you, a person who is responsible enough to control your reproduction, has chosen to withdraw your influence from the next generation. Since raising a child would cramp your style, the next generation will be raised by reckless morons who don’t teach bicycle safety to their kids, and all you will get to do is shake your finger at them when they nearly injure you.

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