Anonymous

[Got an anonymous confession or rant you just have to share with the world? Submit it to I, Anonymous HERE!—eds] The year was 1994. You were the hot waitress and I was the dumpy cook. You would only acknowledge me as needed and treated me very shitty. I was nothing but nice and professional but wasn’t […]

[Got an anonymous confession or rant you just have to share with the world? Submit it to I, Anonymous HERE!—eds] I have to use a work device that is shared with other coworkers. And damn, what’s on some of the screens is a little enlightening. I always knew it but it’s just more confirmation. It’s not […]

[Got an anonymous confession or rant you just have to share with the world? Submit it to I, Anonymous HERE!—eds] I work in a retirement community, and sometimes visitors try to tip us, even those of us who don’t work in dining. Which is very sweet, but we cannot accept tips. And when I say, “That’s […]

[Got an anonymous confession or rant you just have to share with the world? Submit it to I, Anonymous HERE!—eds] Oregon has given 400 million in tax breaks to data centers and is proposing 600 million to go to a Billionaire to create luxury updates to Moda that will price out working class people from seeing […]

There is a new exploitation out there called “pet rent.” All I want is to live in a nice house for a normal-ass price, and take care of that shit like I own it while I’m saving enough money to one day actually own something like it. Maybe you’ve owned this dream so long you’ve […]

I am 43 years old and childless by choice. I like kids. I just don’t want to raise one. However, I’d like to think that if I did have kids, and I was bicycling with them, and I chose to do it on the sidewalk, I’d teach them to slow down when they approach a […]

Look, I know when I park out on Sauvie Island at one of the “clothing optional” entry points, I’ll see some stuff that I won’t really want to see (like the Porky Pig gentlemen who wear shirts and hiking boots, but no pants). It’s the sacrifice I make a few times a year so my […]

To the three people who yelled, “Hey, catch!” and threw an unopened penis pump our way: My buddy and I thought it was hilarious. We were right next to Sheridans, so it’s possible you may have come straight from Taboo? Either way, it was truly a nice gesture, dear fellows. The following night, when my […]

To the man who berated me in a PSU bathroom for not washing my hands after taking a piss: The intense level of anger you demonstrated while repeatedly shouting, “Wash your hands! That is fucking disgusting! You touched your PENIS!” caught me too off guard to do much more than laugh and call you a […]

Dude, only a guy would chuck his spent condoms out a bedroom window. I get it. You have abandonment issues. Here’s what’s up though: Our cat likes to bring them into our home. He appears to be quite proud of his finds, and he seems to ALWAYS include your entire load as well. A few […]

I cannot believe what I hear out of the mouths of Portlanders and Oregonians. I understand people pick different words, have altered dialect and intonations, but to lose tense altogether? I saw a package in my shipping department labeled, “This box needs shipped,” so I scribbled over it, “This box needs TO BE shipped.” It’s […]