As you read this manifesto, please take into account my particular form of radically ultraconservative Mormon belief. The Oregon Militia and myself aren’t just looking at some political machinations for money and power, we’re looking at an eternal cosmic struggle that’s been going on since the beginning of time.

We all see ourselves as soldiers in this resistance against not just political tyranny but also Satanic tyranny.

Our belief is reflected in the names that have been given by Father Bundy. Our dear leader’s (Ammon Bundy) first name comes from an important personage in the book of Mormon—a warrior who spreads God’s word to unbelievers. The scriptural Ammon provides a model for the sort of person who stands up to oppression and unjust governments, resists and prevails.

Cliven raised his offspring to bring divine change to the world, to take over the country for God and to be rewarded with the riches of the afterlife.

Our militia also believes in the White Horse Prophecy, in which Joseph Smith predicts that a time would come when Mormons would have to restore constitutional government.

Finnicum, the Bundys… are the blessed elders of Israel who are going to save the Constitution. They are the chosen ones!

I ask all you god-fearing patriots to continue to stand side by side with us in the hopes that our faith will restore the United States according to Mormon prophecy.

We are all true believers!

13 replies on “The Real Battle of the Oregon Militia”

  1. You are all true lunatics. I think this is caused, in part, by a lack of exposure to ideas and people who are different than you. Consider getting out in the world-a little travel. Get a passport. Observe how other people live and get along with each other. There is a lot of opportunity for growth…even for you! Especially for your children.

  2. FAIL! That was so boring, you almost ruined IA for me. I’m now upset with wasting a few minutes reading your donkey dick post. At least have a joke or an insult or something anger related… maybe something about a fat chick eating breakfast like it’s her last meal on earth…. Anything? Your the guy that people describe as “‘eh”… your the guy that leaves unwashed dishes in the sink. Not even a soak. Just there in the sink with hardened food that could have been cleaned off if you gave any effort. You’re that guy.

  4. Tell this to the Native American tribe whose land it was in the first place, stolen by the American government and then occupied by right wing nuts. Give the land back to the native people!

  5. It’s 2016. It’s time to come out of the closet bro. It’s obvious you have a thing for Satanic trannys. You don’t have to be ashamed anymore. Joseph Smith liked to wear panties too.

  7. There’s no point in trolling I,A with a caricature of a religious loony. They do that just fine on their own. If you want to lampoon these bozos, you have to step up your sarcasm game. Of course, there is a slim possibility that you’re actually sincere, in which case, thank you for creating such a giant kick me sign on the asses of anyone who shares your beliefs. Either way, though, nobody was entertained by your bullshit, and entertainment is the only reason anybody reads this silly shit.

  9. I don’t doubt many of you are dedicated good soldiers, but I’m wary and weary of your Chosen Ones. (Past Present and Future) as I am with my faith’s. Priests that are educated in party colleges called St. This and St. That. Then “Bing” graduation day, they speak for God. They’re blessing you of your sins with conditions. Give your time, treasure, talent and Toddlers.

    Maybe some/plenty of us, don’t need your counseling, protection from satan, God guidance, communal fellowship that you’re selling. You’re naive or lying when you say no politics money or power intended. Maybe we just want to be left the fuck alone from you zealots.

  13. The Mormon religion is just as wacky as the Church of Scientology.

    For that matter, all religions and religious zealots are wacky, often dangerously so.

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