Walking

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It’ll clear your head. Get some fresh air. Get your blood flowing with exercise.
Yea, it’s just not enjoyable or peaceful. 
You got loud bikes, or car engines zooming by. You got speeding cars hissing by. You got cars blasting headlights in your face if it’s dark. You got cars that can’t stop at a stop sign or use a turn signal. 
Then you got barking dogs. Sometimes there’s at least one that’ll bite your leg. You got humans on porches just watching every step you take. You got unfriendly humans to walk by. Remember, “we can’t wait to see your smiling faces” as the pandemic was ending. What smiles! To this day! 
You got loud bashing concrete, depending. You got sirens, depending. 
You got noise. Noise. Noise. Distraction. Horns. 
Nah. I think I’ll stay home and play video games or watch Tik Tok. 
Not. The rest of y’all will.—Anonymous

The Freight

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This is a frieght elevator for a reason. For moving freight for those people who have carts of things to move up or down. You may consider your body freight but I consider you a lazy fucking slob. Hey lazy fuck. This is what you could consider. You hold up an already busy and slow elevator because you’re a lazy ass fucking fuck. You could try to consider people who really need it instead of your lazy selfish entitled ass. You could try walking up one flight of stairs. Crazy huh. This is a 3 story building, mainly. Yea, there’s a fourth floor and the in between levels which makes it even more pathetic your lazy ass cannot walk up one flight of stairs. This isn’t something you do once in a while. This is the same lazy asses doing it every day, every time they need to go up, or down for fucks sake. Your lazy ass can’t even go down one flight of stairs. You could also take the passenger elevator or the escalator to get to whatever floor you desire, then again your lazy ass could either walk up or down, one flight of stairs. But let me guess, getting to those places is too far of a walk, on a horizontal path, right. You could also consider your health and exercise. If walking up some stairs can’t be your tiny bit of exercise, it’s not a wonder why you consider your body freight.—Anonymous

If I Die In My Work Uniform…

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If I die in my work uniform, you should know that I was overworked and under slept and just trying to contribute to my family. 
If a bar overserves a drunk and sends them out to drive, that is a crime right? Or even a restaurant and I think just a person who sends a drunk person away when they know they’ve had too many? Not totally sure about that last one, but definitely responsible if not criminal. If I drove a truck, I definitely couldn’t be allowed to work this many hours, but I’m just driving a car at around 3am and getting home around 4 or 5 or 6 or 7pm. 
Some kid, maybe ten or twelve, got run over in Gresham last year. Probably not the only vehicle on kid fatally. Just the one I read about and remember cause it happened near my house. 
If I accidentally kill your kid when I’m driving home, especially if I’m wearing my work uniform, definitely don’t forgive me. But maybe someone should investigate Big Potato Chip.—Anonymous

Halloween Is Upon Us

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I can’t help myself to ask, “why bother“ as sit here on another late October Sunday morning listening to rain pelt off the window after a sleep deprived night out. It is that time of year again where the real scary part of the season is everyone’s baseline anxiety derived from comparing themselves to one another in their sexy costumes. This past weekend I was “fortunate” enough to be invited to a house party to not only be left out of a group costume due to a high school drama level pettiness, but also be gas lit on everyone doing sexy and I was in a onesie … hooray! This whole experience got me thinking how silly the season is, maybe it is the mindless consumerism, tacky decorations or possibly the endless one up’ing each outer that goes on with adult house parties — translates as “come over and see how we live” you broke mother f’ers. 

Honestly it all feels so performative. Maybe that is just the byproduct of the transplant polly types trying to hard to be cool without actually being cool? For what it is worth, I do not claim to be the ultimate judge of coolness, but I can say with conviction that having some cut rate DJ is not going to win any great house party vibes from me. But seriously, please create a space that feels authentic, it is not like everyone spent several hours getting their fit on only to come out fashionably late for maybe two hours for nothing. Sure I can take a billon photos of you doing poses like a teenager for your “Look at how much fun we had” Instagram post, 40s are the new 20s or something to that effect, right? 

Why did I even bother you ask? Because I am must be a masochist to these types of things and being quietly rejected to further conversations because, no, I won’t sleep with you and your long term partner. Meh, oh well, at least I got to see several selection of the new playthings that totally wasn’t attempts on making the recent exes jealous all transpire before heading out to laugh about the absurdity of it all.—Anonymous