FRANK CASSANO
FRANK CASSANO
  • FRANK CASSANO

Yes, it’s Saturday. Yes, these posts usually go up on Friday. Congratulations, fucknut! Wasting your life by reading the internet on weekends has clearly honed your observational skills to razor-sharp perfection!

• STOP THE MOTHERFUCKING PRESSES! SARAH MIRK FOUND HERSELF A SCOOP! “McDonald’s is a good place to find politically apathetic people.” Imbecile.

• Marjorie Skinner dove deep into the world of jewelry made from cat hair. Blogtown: where depressing cat ladies go to die alone.

• Still confused about the difference between “blogging” with “creating annoying polls,” Wm. Steven Humphrey attempted to make some jokes about the world coming to an end.

• Denis C. Theriault somehow managed to be boring even when writing about a stripper.

• To the surprise of no one, Tony “Hic!” Perez advocated drinking in public.

• Ned Lannamann introduced Blogtown’s unfortunate readers to one more band they won’t remember in three weeks.

• Ezra “Ace” Caraeff proudly announced his dumb little music blog is teaming up with PBR to sponsor a “’70s night at Mississippi Studios.” If some cretin were ever to set out to create a parody of an obnoxious hipster newspaper in Portland, Oregon, I would encourage them not to waste their time doing what has already been done.

• Alison Hallett posted another author interview that no one bothered to read. Authors: Stop wasting your time.

• The spineless pussy Erik Henriksen made some passive-aggressive whimperings in the general direction of KOIN 6’s Ken Boddie. Meanwhile, I emailed some aggressive photographs of myself to KGW’s Stephanie Stricklen.

I will return next week, and not one moment before. I urge you to do the same.

Since 2000, Frank Cassano has authored “Frank Cassano’s Imbecile Parade,” the only worthwhile thing in the Portland Mercury. His interests include fuck you.

8 replies on “Frank Cassano’s “Blogtown in Review””

  1. Also, this week, obnoxious and obsessive Blogtown commenter Todd Mecklem had one of his “photos” used in an “analysis” prepared for the city “government” by the “Portland Sustainability Institute,” so-called. The logical next step is for Todd to run for mayor.

  3. thanks frank. i hate wasting my time on this shit, but it’s still better than working.
    @Todd. you suck, hardcore. your comments are boring, lame, and (congratulations!) 2000 long today. blogtown has herpes.

  5. I had coffe again with Professor Cassano. His views and wits are off the charts. And he is really charming in person as well.

    Todd, good thing you used quotations marks. They might be monitoring you to be the next special forces intelligence Deputy. Which I guess is good having you in that position????

    They people, THEEEEEEY. Put your tin foils caps on plz.

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