ANNâS NOT YOUR âDARLINâ,â DARLINâ
RE: One Day at a Time, Ann Romanoâs weekly rundown of news and gossipâparticularly the âBest of 2017â installments on Dec 20 and Dec 27, in which Ann remembered the ânot-so-terrible stories from 2017 (just to prove there were some).â
I just want to say that whoever writes One Day at a Time is fucking hilarious. Iâve been reading it for 10 years and itâs so funny. Nice work, Ann or whoever!
Angela Crowley-Koch
Dear Ann: You are amazing! I woke up today in a really great mood. I got on the train to work, and decided to read your newest One Day at a Time. Now usually, while it is highly enjoyableâprimarily thanks to your fantastic writingâitâs not the most...uplifting of articles.
But today I was so happy to find you ending the year on a (relatively) happy and uplifting note. It was exactly what I wanted today. It seems like you must have some kind of open arrangement with Hubby Kip. So call me sometime, darlinââletâs get dinner.
Ian
A STICKY BALL OF TAR
RE: âNot Invited Back for 2018â [Feature, Dec 27], comedian Alex Falconeâs yearly rant about âPortlandâs most annoying annoyancesâ and why they shouldnât return in the coming year. On this yearâs list: Huggers (âYou donât get to be a hugger. Thatâs not a unilateral decision. If Iâm not into it, then you arenât a hugger, youâre a very short-term kidnapperâ), the eclipse (âWatching the sun get blocked for three minutes really felt like a letdown. You know, because of NIGHTTIMEâ), and Star Wars (âStar Wars is coming earlier and earlier each year, and even if the present is nice, the half-year of decorations and songs isnât worth itâ).
Also not invited back: people who whine about Portlandâs drivers. Try visiting LAâwe have nothing to complain about here. Seriously, the inhabitants of pretty much every city on Earth think they have the worldâs worst drivers. Somewhere in Tibet thereâs a nomad complaining that their encampment has the worldâs most dangerous yak train herders.
Also also not invited back: people who whine about Portlandâs homeless people. Try visiting Seattleâwe have nothing to complain about here. Seriously, the inhabitants of pretty much every city on Earth think they have the worldâs worst homelessness problem. Somewhere in Tibet thereâs a nomad complaining that their encampment has too many drug-taking, freeloading yaks.
Stu
Iâm sorry you have a sticky black ball of tar where your heart should be, but if you canât appreciate the awesome power of a natural wonder after eight-plus months of All Trump All the Time, you were probably A) not in the path of totality or B) hanging around with the wrong people this summer. Iâm glad none of those people were me, because it was incredible.
happyhedonist
Letâs see if we can do something about people lecturing me about Portland, where I have lived for three decades. Itâs not even that theyâre generally wrong, itâs just that I only have so much politesse and pretend-listening in before I just ignore your ass. So donât start. Thank you, and fuck off.
rich bachelor
âThank you, and fuck offâ is EXACTLY the right attitude with which to begin 2018, rich bachelor. You win the Mercuryâs letter of the week, along with two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theaterâwhich has been here for nine decades, and is sick of everyoneâs lectures.