Letters to the Editor

DIVIDED IN HALF

DEAR MERCURY—In your June 4 pullout [Queer Issue],
billed as a guide to “Portland’s LGBT community,” neither the word
“transgender” nor the word “transsexual” appeared once in 15 pages’
worth of articles. Folks, drag queens are swell, but that doesn’t
justify only paying attention to gender-variant people when we’re being
all freaky and entertaining and shit. What’s more, the only overtly bi
person mentioned in those 15 pages is a dead guy (Jerome Robbins). Did
you mean to delineate the headline “Divided We Stand” by omitting half
the letters in “LGBT”?

-Tim Chevalier

TIMBERS WARM FUZZIES

TO THE EDITOR OF THE PORTLAND MERCURY—(An open letter
to the Portland metro area:) From what I’ve observed in the media the
Timbers Army have been portrayed as basically a bunch of thugs. But
from what I witnessed at my first Timbers match on May 30 versus the
Vancouver Whitecaps, that is the wrong impression to give the city of
Portland and anyone who might want to get involved with this fanbase.
At the Bitter End Pub some Whitecaps fans came in after watching their
team get beat 2-0 and being heckled throughout. One guy offered to buy
one a beer. If that isn’t THE definition of sportsmanship, I don’t know
what is. Further, the TA co-mingled well with the Whitecaps fans.
That’s all I needed to see.

-Jacob Holgate

BAD MEDICINE

HEY MERCURY STAFF—Thanks for being a brain-dead SHILL
for Big Pharma! Your news article “In Other News” [News, June 11] about
how great it is that insurance will be paying for the HPV vaccine is a
prime example of swallowing the mainstream media brainwash corporate
news they feed you without checking facts, questioning, or keeping your
brain intact long enough to let a little discernment come into play.
There are numerous harmless treatments and avoidance behavior for
cervical cancer, but Big Pharma God MERCK isn’t gonna tell us about
them as long as there’s a couple billion to be made with free
advertising courtesy of suckers like the Mercury working for
them. But the puppy mills? Yes. Pure evil. Glad they ruled against
them.

-Helen Hill

FROM ON HIGH

DEAR PORTLAND MERCURY—I was so glad you brought the guy
Daydream Nightshade to my attention [“I’ll Have You Know This is A
Perfectly Legitimate Form of Transportation,” New Column!, June 11]. I
wear the top hat on the tall bike in this town and I was upset to know
that another top-hatted traveler was misusing their right to the
height. Stepping on the hoods of cars and backing up traffic is
BULLSHIGGIT! You gotta be bad ass to sport the tall bike and being bad
ass means free mounting! It also means making Portlanders glad to see
you. I wish I could share how much love I get every day. I like to hand
out flyers for my shows (that’s what the top hat is for…), it’s a
great way to get butts in seats. Now I’m a celebrity judge for the
“Stumptown Joustdown” in Colonel Summers Park on June 20. I think
Nightshade should come and joust against me in a naked exhibition
match; loser gets a chest shave!!!!!!!!!!! Warning! Achtung! Cuidado!
(1) I graduated from superbadmutherfucker school. (2) My top hat is
also a helmet… Nightshade’s looks like he got it at the Dollar
Scholar. (3) My tall bike was built by a guy who built Rose Festival
floats… Nightshade’s looks like it was glued together by drunken
Santas. But an encouragement to Nightshade: Don’t worry dude, you don’t
have to ask your moms for money, the “Stumptown Joustdown” is free.

-Dingo Dizmal the Clown

OKAY DUDE, just this once and only because it’s Pedalpalooza:
Dingo wins the Mercury letter of the week, along with two
tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater and lunch at No Fish! Go Fish! where
you should always remove your top hat before you dine, like civilized
folk.