ORIFICE LEAKAGE (IN A GOOD WAY)
DEAR LINDY WEST—While reading your compilation of the
different kinds of people there are, I laughed so hard that it hurt
[“The Different Kinds of People that There Are,” Feature, Aug 6]. I had
to stop before fluids started leaking from all of my orifices—no,
seriously!
-Miranda Springer
RELIEF FROM GREASY EYELASHES
LINDY—I just wanted to say that I very much enjoyed “The
Different Kinds of People that There Are” [Feature, Aug 6]. And even
though I happen to fall into the category “People Who Are Quietly Less
Than $100 Away from Complete Destitution,” which also subsequently
qualifies me for “People Who Are Mean to Hobos,” it was “People Who
Claim to Be Afraid of Clowns” that endeared me to this article. Anyway,
like I said before, I’m broke, unemployed, actually new to the area,
and slightly testy with John Doe, who goes from asking for a quarter to
asking for a dollar without the slightest bat of his greasy eyelashes,
but I very much enjoyed the article.
-Meghan Stone
YOU ARE WHAT YOU HATE
DEAR MERCURY—All you whiny, sycophantic, I, Anonymous
crybabies with your I-nane tantrums [I, Anonymous, weekly]. You’re as
lame as the I Saw U cowards who, not having had the balls to actually
approach someone they want to fuck, somehow muster the gumption
to write a cutesie ad. I have no doubt, retards, that when you get your
“anonymous” little tirade “published,” the first thing you do is
twatter all your forgettable friends to make sure you still exist by
making sure they know it was you behind the
predictable/privileged/entitled/white/sheltered/desperate/insignificant
gripe about how very inconvenienced you’ve been. About how difficult
your boring little middle-class life is.
-Anonymous
HEY YOU, YOU’RE RACIST!
DEAR JADENE MAYLA—I empathize with your being upset by the
picture [in the feature], but I think that drawing represents
Portland’s demographics pretty well [“People Who Don’t Get It,”
Letters, Aug 13, regarding “The Different Kinds of People that There
Are,” Feature, Aug 6]. It’s amusing—I was just speaking with
a friend back east about how utterly white this city is, yet everyone
acts so high and mighty about equal rights, but are secretly
somewhat racist. How many minority friends do you have? And why are
these minorities generally only living in strategic areas… think
about it.
-Vikki
CIGARS ‘N’ APPLE PIE
DEAREST PORTLAND—To those few, misguided souls out there who
are all in a tizzy about recalling Mayor Sam Adams: Grow the fuck up
[“786 Signatures, Every Day,” News, Aug 13]. I mean Portland might be
the podunk of major US cities, but hello? Real-world politics is all
about the hustle and the graft, the bottom line being to get things
done, whatever it takes. When we vote, we vote for those who we believe
will best represent our interests and actually accomplish things in
line with those interests. And when things go wrong, we expect our
leaders to abide by that age-old politician adage: “Admit nothing. Deny
everything. Make counter-accusations.” It’s as American as cigars and
apple pie. Wake up.
-Christopher Lovett
DINO DRUG
DEAR MERCURY—Thank you, Mercury, for running
Ryan North’s Dinosaur Comics [Fun Page, weekly]. I bust[ed] a
gut after reading the culminating August 13 strip. The set up and
execution are brilliant. My luck to have read the punch-strip in
Portland, Oregon. Sheer genius. Now pass the morphine.
-Jeff Chochon
WOAH THERE JEFF, take it easy on the hard stuff and turn to pg.
47 for another dose of Dinosaur Comics instead, whydontcha? You
can top that off with two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater and lunch
at No Fish! Go Fish! where the food is evolutionary.
“I mean Portland might be the podunk of major US cities, but hello? Real-world politics is all about the hustle and the graft”… and sending the mayor to prison for lying. That is, if you’re Detroit and not some hick town with a sorta edumicated, barely-legal lovin’, pick’mup truck wreckin’ mayor. Cue banjos…
Regarding Jeff Chochon’s letter praising Ryan North’s Dinosaur Comics- I hope this is sarcasm. I also hope someday The Mercury will come to its senses and drop Dinosaur Comics. Because Dinosaur Comics sucks ass.
Dinosaur comics would only be noteworthy in it’s lack of any aspect worth a second look- yet even that is hardly worth mentioning.
Some comics redeem lackluster art with wit, story, good writing, or at least writing that can carry the narrative despite the weakness of the visuals. Red Meat or GYWO, for example. Other comics may be visually stunning or show unique and amazing style that rounds out uneven or hit-or-miss dialogue, story, and humor. Meat Cake, Liberty Meadows, Tony Millionaire’s comics, and even occasionally Chris Ware’s work, for example. A lot of comics fall inbetween and some inexplicably continue in newspapers and syndication though they lack both (Dagwood and Blondie, Hi and Lois, Marmaduke, Family Circus, etc, ad infinitum: pretty much most of the comics page in your local failing daily).
Then there are comics which offer post-modern deconstruction of the conventions of comics, or defy definition or structure, and the other sub-genre, comics which are so stale and bad they can be recycled as social commentary, especially when dialogue is substituted or replaced, or the art manipulated. Garfield minus Garfield, Silent Garfield, Reuben Bolling’s Tom The Dancing Bug’s series of Fun-Pack-Comics, some of Jim Woodring’s work- some of Kaz or even Johnny Rotten’s Blecchy Yuckerella are examples.
Ryan North’s work is none of these. Unchanging clip art and mental masturbation, the end. Much could be forgiven, others have done well with less, but unfortunately the mental masturbation is unfunny and also not interesting- and not wry or challenging or po-mo or subversive- or in any way engaging even for what it lacks or doesn’t achieve. Even the feelings evoked after reading Dinosaur Comics- mostly apathy or regret for time wasted- are ephemeral.
I would express curiosity at Ryan North’s intent or thought process, but there’s just not enough here to make it worth caring about. Dinosaur Comics is the comic strip best suited for family newsletters of the family that wants to indulge the mediocre ‘cartoonist’ who is not worth giving feedback to, or is under the age of majority or suffering from head trauma. Dinosaur Comics makes Cathy look like Maus. Isn’t there enough weak shit out there already?
Vikki-By all means, please move back to the East Coast then. I get fucking sick of hearing everyone from back East whine about how white Portland is and there aren’t enough Black people for your liking (excuse me, but I’m presuming you mean Black people, people like you usually are). Industrialized cities of the North experienced massive waves of Black folks moving in from out of the South, post Civil War. And fuck, Black people failed to make it out to the Northwest in the same numbers that made it to Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Buffalo, NYC, Philly, etc. Nothing can be done to change that. We can’t make people of color move here! Nor should it be anything that White people in Portland should feel some bullshit guilt over. And as far as the “all Portlanders are racist” shit…fuck off. Go home.
Its not like Vikki is full of her own sanctimonious bullshit or anything. The “I’m sooo into diversity because I’m from back east where’s there’s waaay more diversity”-types also seem to be the types that inhabit the new sterile bubble of inner-Portland’s Progressive utopia. They complain about the lack of diversity while oblivious to how far to the geographic margins of this town they themselves have helped push lower income folks of all stripes.
Go visit Marshall, Madison or David Douglas High Schools, Vikki. Please. Go spend some time east of 82nd.
Meet some people that have grown up and gone to school here in town with a mixed popuation and among them you’ll find quite a few white people that don’t feel a need to feel guilty about being white.
Big surprise, we know.
Dear Anonymous-
Oh, the irony. Too bad that wasn’t on your GRE vocabulary study sheet (seriously, sycophantic? kettle, i’d like to introduce to “boring, middle class” pot.)
If you are going to rant about people ranting anonymously, at least have the balls to John Hancock your tirade.
Oh Vikki. I am so sick of this “How many minority friends do you have?” question being an indicator of how racist us Portlanders are. Last time I checked, I don’t have “minorities” going out of their way to befriend me. The last two “minority” type people I friend requested on FACEBOOK rejected my request! Should I keep trying? Should I attempt to become friends with every black girl I see to prove that I’m totally into diversity?
WTF is a ‘secret racist?’ Is it a 007 JB handle? There are no white racists Vikki. Just ignert back-ass woodland commies who are devoid of a character and they come in all colors. The only ‘racists’ are the ones who complain about racism. Everyone else got on board some twenty years ago. You want a little diversity, go to SOHO.