SWIMMING WITH PHISHIES
DEAR MERCURY—As an avid Phish fan for over 10 years
now, I have to say that Matthew Vollono has no idea what the fuck he is
talking about [“The Continued Decline of Western Civilization,”
Feature, Sept 10]. Okay, so people get fucked up. This attempt at music
journalism proves Vollono to be just another über-hip Portland
columnist who apparently can’t [get] a hard-on for anything pure.
-Josh Nielsen
BRAVO, BRAVO
DEAR MERCURY—Well done Matt [Vollono], well done indeed
[“The Continued Decline of Western Civilization,” Feature, Sept 10].
Bravo for getting out of the house, and extra kudos for making it to a
place that holds aesthetic value other than a sign saying, “$1.50 PBRs
if you have cut-off jeans, a mustache, and a fixed gear bike.” Your
attempt to correlate the demise of Western society with a Phish lot
scene is dismal, unfitting, and absurd to say the least. Highlighting
the fact that Phish fans are more prone to drug use is fucking eye
opening, Matt. Next you are going to write a piece on how country
music fans consume a lot of whiskey in the parking lots of shows. Go
fuck yourself.
-Andrew Bellis
SOMEWHERE NORTH OF HIPSTERVILLE
DEAR MERCURY—In reference to your story “Travels in
Tacoville” [Last Supper, Sept 10], I noticed La Superior as being
listed in St. Johns, no dude it’s Kenton area. St. Johns doesn’t start
until after the Welcome to St. Johns sign way out on Lombard near the,
um, you guessed it, St. Johns Bridge. Dang, first gentrification with
all these granola earth muffins on bikes changing North Portland to
stupid NoPo to people not knowing their areas of North Portland…
there’s Kenton, Arbor Lodge, St. Johns, and hipsterville, which is
Mississippi. Oh and the best place to get tacos in Portland is actually
La Casita restaurant on SE Morrison.
-n n
DE-BONED
DEAR MERCURY—Can someone please get Wm. Steven Humphrey
to stop writing about his boner? This past issue’s TV column [“The
Boner Diaries,” I Love Television, Sept 10], the issue before that in a
movie review [“Ben Affleck’s Beard,” film review of Extract,
Sept 3], and probably the next issue. Just look at his TV column photo.
That smile can only mean that he’s either got a boner or
he’s thinking about having one. I don’t want to discourage Wm.
Steven Humphrey from having boners, just spare us from having to
read about them.
-David
VAMPIRES HATE BONERS
DEAR MERCURY—JESUS FUCKING CHRIST [“The Boner Diaries,”
I Love Television, Sept 10]!! YOU ARE NO WRITER! YOUR BONER DIARIES
COMMENTARY WAS FUCKING DISGUSTING!! YOU MAKE ME HATE VAMPIRISM,
SOMETHING I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN FOND OF!! WHAT POSSESSES A SCUMBAG
FUCK LIKE YOU TO PLACE YOUR INSIGNIFICANT AND CHILDISH, SAD,
LUDICROUS, POOR HUMORED, FUCK I COULD WASTE MY WHOLE DAY GOING
ON… REMARKS IN A PAPER FOR ALL TO READ IS WAY FUCKING BEYOND
ME!!! NO YOU ARE NO WRITER! NO CRITIC! AND JUST PICTURING WATCHING A
VAMPIRE MOVIE WITH YOUR NASTY DICK IN YOUR MOUTH IS MORE THAN MY
STOMACH CAN HANDLE!!! STICK TO SELLING CARS YOU RETARDED FUCK UP!!
-EXTREMELY BORED & TURNED OFF READER
EBTOR, YOU MUST BE A VAMPIRE. It’s understandable that stake-like
boners would threaten vampires, and we’re sorry. So we’re giving you
the Mercury letter of the week, with two tickets to the
Laurelhurst Theater and lunch at No Fish! Go Fish! where you can order
food and pretend to be a human.
Thanks for printing my letter. Believe it or not, some of us Phisheads travel far and wide for the MUSIC, not the shitty drug scene. Amazing, I know. Anyway, glad to see someone else – Andrew Bellis – felt the same way. -Josh Nielsen
I personally get randy thinking about all the sweet editorial meat at the Merc…and on the field even. Keep up the dickjokes…us single girls in Portland have to have something to distract us after our 37 y.o. dishwashing/mercy fuck passes out from all the ganga he scored from the “stinky” streetpeople congregating outside his place of employment. Keep it up like Loverboy in 83!BTW…My friend you are too old to travel to Phish shows and then defend your babyblooming generation…sorry.Get out some Guthrie and whittle already.Sheesh.
Jerry’s dead. Phish sucks. Get a Job.
Oh, Mercury, you poor poor fools. As your little hipster world pulls away from the rest of reality, enjoy your ever-decreasing circle-jerk of disrespect. Those guys in Phish worked harder and have unimaginably more talent than you. I don’t even like them, but I respect them significantly more than I respect your petulant asses. You should really be ashamed of yourselves…. but it’s okay, the Portland music scene is ashamed enough about you to share.
La Casita on Morrison??? Probably the most vile tacos I’ve ever had in my life, and believe me I’ve given them their fair share of chances.. Have you been there in the last 6 months?? I suppose I’d sooner give La Casita another shot than Phish, but.. yuck!
Fuck a dirty hairy taco and Phish. But keep that cock…HARD
ya they’ve been calling north porland NoPo for decades. I know I grew up there and moved out when they started redeveloping it. Don’t give the credit to over-rated huppies.