FEMALE PRISON PEN PAL #3,974
In which we work our way through an interminably large stack of pen pal requests from jailed women. Write one of them a letter today! This lady sounds nice:
Hi, my name is Nichole, I’m 24 years old. I’m 5’3″, 125 pounds. I have blonde hair and green eyes. I’m doin’ some time, and would like a pen pal, someone who can make me laugh so time will go by [Aww—Eds]. If interested please write to 15 N 2nd East, Rexburg, ID, 83440 Madison County Jail, Nichole Odell.
ANNE, WHO IS NOT WORTHY
RE: One Day at a Time [July 12] in which author Ann Romano summarizes the split between actors Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise.
Long have I admired your hilarious column, as sharp as your Manolo stilettos. But your [column] this week, in which you put the Cruise-Holmes dissolution into its proper context, is sheer genius. I am not worthy to read you.
-Anne
GRASS SASS
RE: “Smoking the Grassroots” [News, July 12], about yet another pot legalization ballot measure.
For all of the faith that people put into the initiative system, I can’t think of anything good that it has achieved. Can someone please convince me that I’m wrong?
-posted by Torgo
As an ex-pot user who is now old and square, my impression that this is a VERY BIG issue for active pot users, bordering on a civil rights issue. They are in the midst of it, care a lot about it, and therefore figure that it must be a huge deal to every one else. But it just isn’t. Potheads are tedious and unproductive, and legalization in Oregon would attract thousands of them from all over the country. I don’t see their desire for easy, cheap pot as a pressing issue. As for the initiatives process, if it were easy to get on the ballot, we’d be voting on a huge list of stupid nonsense every two years. Direct democracy is frankly dangerous because the average person doesn’t understand the impact on budgets and agencies of passing everything that sounds good.
-posted by Blabby
Hey dumby, legalizing pot would give the state more funds for things, because you know it would be taxed.
-posted by chicostix
If pot were legal, it wouldn’t bring in much tax. Why? Because I would grow what I need in my backyard. Weed is a crop. The state isn’t going to get rich off of it any more than we would taxing apples. The most annoying aspect of this whole conversation every two years is the weak-ass rationalizations. You want pot to be legal because you want to smoke pot. Don’t dress it up with a bunch of fancy rationalization. Even half the medical marijuana measures aren’t really about sick people. They are really about the advocates’ recreational pot use. Let’s at least have an honest conversation about it.
-posted by Blabby
DIRTY
RE: “Dog Water” [I, Anonymous, July 12], in which an anonymous author rails on the practice of allowing dogs to drink from public water fountains.
DEAR DOG WATER—To help ensure the safety of your child’s water, I wanted to include other things that have come in contact with the water fountain:
Run-off rain
Pigeons
Nasty pigeon poop
People with STDs/prostitutes
Other people in general
Other people’s kids who eat sand, pocket change, and anything/everything that’s on the floor
Urination from drunken people
Alcohol
Old beverages that are being disposed of
For future cleanliness, I would suggest bringing a bottle of water. While you’re at it, you probably shouldn’t have your child play on the playground, play in the downtown fountains, have friends, eat un-organic food, or ever swim in a public pool. Always watch them sleep. Also, I sincerely doubt you have any pets (unless you count the stick up your ass).
-Concerned For Your Child’s Welfare
WELL PLAYED, CFYCW. And for that tart retort, we award you letter of the week, complete with two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater, where pigeons are not technically allowed, but STDs, weirdly, are.
NICHOLE MARIE ODELL #95253
Age: 24 years
Offense: BURGLARY ADA CR08-10334
GRAND THEFT ADA CR08-10334
Sentence Satisfaction Date: 01/17/2020
Torgo: Oregon’s assisted suicide law would never have gotten through the Oregon legislature. We needed the initiative system to override the religious a-holes who think they know better than we do.
Blabby has some good points. I don’t smoke pot but am not against legalization. But isn’t what you really want decriminalization? How exactly would you tax it or determine it’s state of origin? Has anyone considered the last point? It does carry a number of ramifications
Uh MSanders, those “religious assholes” forced some very valid issues to the fore, for example, would physician-assisted suicide lead families to pressure loved ones to kill themselves because they were perceived to be a “burden” on their families, and would mentally incompetent people be allowed to exercise the option without serious examination. The Nazis overrode the objections of religious assholes to euthanasia, directly laying the groundwork for the Holocaust. One of the reasons euthanasia has not, as far as we can tell, been abused in Oregon is precisely because assholes raised objections to it, forcing proponents to address real fears grounded in history. Yes, I realize legalizing killing yourself is an admirable goal to many, but if you’ve lived through watching your family fight over a loved one when they were ill, you’d have a more measure response than the ignorant one you posted.
You know BokChoy, cyber-stalking is a jailable offense too. Just sayin’.
And how in the fuck does Blabby get TWO submissions published in the SAME issue?! WTF, Merc.!