FREEDOM TO RECORD

PORTLAND MERCURY—Kudos on your news story “Big
Brother’s Little Brother” [News, April 3, in which a citizen
journalist/videographer was cited by the police]. The other local news
outlets have a journalistic responsibility to cover this story, but
again congratulations to the Mercury for breaking it.

 Clement Sobotka

BEGGING TO DIFFER

TO THE EDITOR—I feel compelled to write to you to strongly
protest the use that was made of my interview with your newspaper
[News, April 3]. First, the headline:  “Union Blues: Cop
Unions Tussle over Rent-a-Cop Uniforms” as well as the lead sentence:
“The head of Portland’s cop union is in disagreement with the national
cop union’s line on whether armed rent-a-cops should be able to dress
like real police officers” are inaccurate and misleading. My
group, NAPO [National Association of Police Organizations], is not a
union but a trade association that works with congress and the
administration on law enforcement issues. Second, the term “rent-a-cop”
was never used by me, and to the best of my knowledge not by Mr. [Matt]
Davis either. Third, the lead sentence implies that Robert King,
the president of the Portland Police Association [PPA], and me have
argued about this. In reality we’ve never even spoken about it, nor did
Mr. Davis, to the best of my recollection, ever ask me about any
“disagreement” with Mr. King. The paragraph in your
article speculating as to some sort of ulterior motive for PPA
leadership’s criticism or lack thereof comes close to a smear. Finally,
I am mystified as to how Mr. [Mike] Kuykendall, the Portland
Business Alliance vice president, could “disagree with Johnson’s
assessment” at a February 19 dinner speech. First, I’ve never met
or spoken to Mr. Kuykendall.  Second, Mr. Davis interviewed me
well AFTER February 19 for your April 3 article. If your paper
chooses to take my comments and then insinuate some “tussle” in an
effort to excite more interest in the story, I can’t control
that. But I do object to this use of what I had to say.

Bill Johnson, Executive Director, National Association of Police
Organizations

MATT DAVIS RESPONDS: I stand by the story as it was reported:
NAPO is in dispute with the Portland Police Association on the issue of
rent-a-cop uniforms, and takes a stronger line than PPA boss Robert
King is willing to; perhaps because King’s own union members all stand
a chance to supplement their bureau pension by working as rent-a-cops
after they retire.

NOT OUR FAULT (THIS TIME)

WHAT THE HELL, MERCURY?!?!—First, you
humorless Nazis get rid of Blecky Yuckerella, quite
possibly, damn near, the best comic strip ever! Right after The
Boondocks, at least. And then you get rid of The Perry Bible
Fellowship? Now there’s nothing left!

Damos Abadon

THE MERCURY RESPONDS: We didn’t nix The Perry Bible
Fellowship—its author, Nicholas Gurewitch, discontinued the
comic. Check out pg. 55 for this week’s auditioning replacement
comic, Skeleton Balls.

WE KNOW ABOUT LOVE

DEAR MERCURY—I am embarrassed to say I tried internet
dating, and let me tell ya, them bitches are crazy. I have never done
so much backpedaling in conversation, jumping out windows, changing my
cell phone number, questioning my sanity, and running screaming down
Hawthorne at 2 am in my life. Enter Lovelab. You guys are the shit. I
met some fly-ass down-to-earth honeys here who are amazingly
intelligent, comfortably hip, and they’re not trying to get me to raise
their fucking kids or sign my dignity and bank account away.

Fluffy’s Friend

JUSTIFY MY CRACK

DEAR MERCURY—Expletives are a lot like bay leaves or
crack; they should be used in moderation, and only when their use is
justified. It is quite entertaining to read edgy articles where the
writer is giving the distinct impression that they are about to lose
their shit entirely, but creative placement is the key here. Please
encourage your staff to breathe new life into these stale and
excessively overused words.

G. Carlin

FUCK YOU, G. CARLIN! This motherfucker just won the fucking
letter of the week, man! Fuck yeaaaaah! You win two fucking tickets to
the Laurelhurst Theater and lunch at No Fish! fucking Go Fish!, where
the bay leaves are moderate as fuck.