Erin go Bleeaaaarghhhghgh, it’s St. Patrick’s Day weekend! Now, you could choose to participate in all the Amateur Hour festivities (they can be pretty damned amusing) and there’s some great options available to do that, but if you’d rather leave St. Patrick to his shenaniganery and indulge in less green-dyed entertainments, Portland’s got you covered, with some damn fine comedy choices, a women’s expo, some toke talks, a birthday bash, and… oh yeah, a ROBOT REVOLUTION. It’s a busy weekend ahead; hit the links below and load your plate accordingly (before the Robots do it for you)
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Friday, Mar 16
Fortune Feimster
You might recognize the very funny comedian Fortune Feimster from her role as Nurse Collette on The Mindy Project, or perhaps her spot-on impersonation of White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders on Netflix’s Chelsea (which you should WATCH RIGHT THIS SECOND because it is a goddamn revelation). But her stand-up is just as spot-on, with witty, filthy observations on her Southern upbringing, food, lesbianism, weed, and death. You know… the important stuff. Don’t miss her! WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
7:30 pm, 10 pm, Helium Comedy Club, $23-26
Maggie Nelson
I’ve been obsessed with writer and critic Maggie Nelson’s work since her excellent cult hit Bluets came on the scene and provided solace to every broken-hearted young literary woman I know. Her most recent book, The Argonauts melds autobiography and critical theory into a seamless examination of sex, gender, and family, and she’s the kind of writer who’s always worth seeing in person, bringing a rare mix of intellect, humanity, and dry wit to everything she does. Don’t miss her when she swings by PNCA this week. MEGAN BURBANK
6:30 pm, PNCA, free
She|Divine
Motivated by the desire to celebrate “the divinity of everything feminine,” the creators of Girl Fest have concocted a new, seasonal concert series called She|Divine. The inaugural lineup includes the aquamarine synth-pop of Siren and the Sea, the hypnotic rhymes of Lisa Vazquez, and the interstellar hip-hop of Brown Calculus. CIARA DOLAN
8 pm, White Eagle, $7-9
John Hiatt & the Goners
John Hiatt has been inspiring artists with his blend of Americana, folk, country, and blues for the past 40 years. Catch the legend tonight when he brings his latest backing band back through Revolution Hall for the Portland stop on a tour featuring support from renowned slide guitarist Sonny Landreth.
8 pm, Revolution Hall, $50
Drunken Palms, The Bedrooms, Cry Babe
Drunken Palms debut EP, Later, is a beautiful culmination of re-recorded demos, new songs, and even a cover of U2’s “With or Without You.” Its melodies are built from drum machine beats, loops, synth, and Cocteau Twins-esque vocals that sound ghostly, like they’re echoing off the pews of an empty cathedral. With Later, Drunken Palms gives it all and you want more—a great debut leaves you with that feeling. CAMERON CROWELL
8 pm, High Water Mark, $6-8
The Suffers, The Bandulus
If ever there were a band with a misleading name, it would be the Suffers. This 10-piece Houston, Texas, band plays feel-good-all-in-your-soul music, which, yes, everyone seems to be doing lately, but the Suffers stand out from the rest by subtly incorporating Latin and Afro-Caribbean rhythms in their sound, and by doing it really well. SANTI ELIJAH HOLLEY
9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $20
SCRAP PDX Rebel Craft Rumble
SCRAP’s annual live craft competition returns to turn Q Center into a thunderdome of knitting, sewing, stapling, gluing, and shaping random objects and elements into legitimate art, all while a crowd cheers (and jeers) along.
7 pm, Q Center, $10
Sad Horse, The Bugs, Pelican Ossman, Spreads
Sad Horse makes some of the best punk to come out of Portland since Dead Moon’s heyday. It’s clear Elizabeth Venable and Geoff Soule draw creative inspiration from Fred and Toody—their releases play like short jolts of unbridled weirdness (“You Are Idiots” and “Old Daze”) cut with sweet, jangly duet interludes (“If I Was a Duck”). The pair’s 2015 Greatest Hits LP is a jarring listen; each of its 26 tracks packs a unique punch, with riffs that feel like they shouldn’t be where they are but work anyway (“Coyotes” and “Loafer”). Though Sad Horse hasn’t come out with any new music since Greatest Hits, their elusiveness makes these rare live sets even more special. CAMERON CROWELL
9 pm, (The World Famous) Kenton Club, free
Songs from Under the Floorboard: Lost Echoes, We Are Parasols, Xibling
The XRAY.fm local music showcase presents live music from some of Portland’s best up-and-coming post-punk and darkwave musicians. Proceeds benefit the Out from the Shadows IV music festival
8:30 pm, Black Water Bar, $8
Red Baraat, Rafiq Bhatia
One part funky brass outfit and one part Indian wedding band, Red Baraat’s sound is difficult to pinpoint but remarkably easy to like. With horns and dhol drums, this is music for straight-up partying—if you don’t feel like dancing, Red Baraat will change your tune in seconds flat. NED LANNAMANN
9 pm, Doug Fir, $18-22
Suzanne Westenhoefer, Ashleigh Flynn
The Rose presents an evening of stand-up from a veteran comedian who was one of the first openly gay stand-ups to make a big splash on the comedy scene.
8 pm, Alberta Rose Theatre, $30-38
Strange Days
Time capsules are funny things. The idea of one holds such optimistic appeal, on the part of both the person burying their artifacts and the person digging them up—but then you open it up, and there’s this mound of confused, well-intentioned junk. Kathryn Bigelow’s Strange Days is a perfect representation of that disappointing-yet-fascinating experience. Featuring a (not great) screenplay by Jay Cocks and James Cameron, Days is clearly inspired by current events circa 1994 (the Rodney King and O.J. Simpson trials), but incorporates those aspects with all the aptitude you’d expect from middle-aged white guys who are pretty sure they get “that whole Black experience thing.” The film is (barely) saved by the combo of Angela Basset in Sarah Connor mode and Ralph Fiennes doing a slippery James Woods impersonation. Strange Days is hopelessly dated and tone deaf, yes, but like even the most disappointing time capsules, still strangely compelling. BOBBY ROBERTS
7 pm, Fifth Avenue Cinema
Toke Talks
It’s like a TED talk. But about cannabis. Get it? A variety of cannabis industry professionals take to the stage to discuss innovations, new technologies, and new research, all adhering to the evening’s theme: “The Future of Cannabis is Now.” Guests include Senator Ron Wyden, Yvonne Perez Emerson of WeMake PDX, Mowgli Holmes of Phylos Bioscience, Antonio Harvey of the Portland Trail Blazers, and many more. Hosted by Lauren Yoshiko.
11 am, Portland Center Stage, $30
Saturday, Mar 17
The Portland Women’s Expo 2018
Billed as “Oregon’s #1 Consumer Showcase for Women,” the Expo is also taking on the responsibility of being Portland’s “biggest St. Patty’s Day party,” which should shock the city’s myriad drinking establishments who pride themselves on their high quality Amateur Hour shenanigans. The 2018 edition of the Women’s Expo features over 400 exhibitors offering food, wine, demonstrations, and discussions on topics including life-improvement, home-improvement, financial planning, legal advice, and more.
10am, Oregon Convention Center, $6-12, all ages
Giants in the Trees, The Mutineers, Mishka Shubaly, Michael Dean Damron
Kris Novoselic’s latest band, Giants in the Trees, bring their blend of Pacific Northwest-rooted pop and indie rock down to Dante’s.
9 pm, Dante’s, $12
Hibou, Charts
The main man behind Hibou, Peter Michel, has been part of the indie pop world for all of his adult life. He joined Craft Spells as a drummer when he was 17, and left that band a couple years later to retreat to his bedroom and record his self-titled debut. Released by Barsuk Records in late 2015, Hibou is a late-summery swirl of jangling guitars, sighed vocals, and bleary melancholy, topped off with a touch of new wave electro-vibe. Earlier this month, Barsuk released the second Hibou full-length, Something Familiar, and those new wave vibes have blossomed into heavier, noisier songs, with roots in Michel’s struggles with anxiety. That means crunchier guitars, darker lyrics, and more synth. But don’t worry, indie pop darlings, these new sounds still dance around Hibou’s basic elements: shimmering guitars and catchy melodies. BEN SALMON
9:30 pm, Bunk Bar, $12
Brian Regan
An evening of stand-up with the renowned “comedian’s comedian” known for his observational, sarcastic, and self-deprecating style, his animated stage presence, and his ability to appeal to a broad range of age groups and audiences.
8 pm, Keller Auditorium, $39.50-65, all ages
ROBOT REVOLUTION
Very soon, a robot or an AI will replace you—chances are, there’s already one that can do your job faster, cheaper, and better than you, because all you are is a sweaty skin-bag of rotting meat. From there, it’s only a computer-controlled nuke or two until relentless terminators and conniving AIs reduce Earth to a sunless hellscape where malnourished humans huddle in subterranean caverns while cold, calculating AIs use kill-bots to brutally exterminate humanity.
This weekend, OMSI’s Robot Revolution will give our doomed race “extraordinary opportunities to meet and interact” with the robots that will inevitably annihilate all that we hold dear. Robots like….
• Rice University’s r-one Swarm Robots, which work together like “swarms of insects” to slaughter humans
• Baxter, a “smart, collaborative robot” that can beat you at tic-tac-toe before beating you into a puddle of blood and bone
• Dr. Takanori Shibata’s PARO®, a “therapeutic harp seal robot” that lulls humans into a state of calm before eating their face
• Korea’s ROBOTIS-OP, which “uses face-tracking software to sense when a human is looking at it, and can align its gaze with that of a guest’s,” ensuring the last thing you see will be the soulless void of a superior intelligence
• CHARLI, a “humanoid robot” that can “walk,” “turn,” and “kick” the life out of you
• Japan’s MURATA BOY and MURATA GIRL, which “can ride a bike very slowly” and follow you home to learn where you live
• THES, a robot “equipped to work its way through pipes” to find chemical leaks and kill you while you sit on the toilet
• The University of Pennsylvania’s RHex, which uses “springy legs” to “sprint across flat ground, fling itself up curbs, and leap over gaps,” ensuring there is literally nowhere you can hide
• Zhejiang University’s Soccer Robots! They play soccer! Neat!
Go to OMSI, my fellow humans. Have fun. Learn. But you already know the most important lesson: The coming war is not one that humans can win. ERIK HENRIKSEN
9:30 am, Oregon Museum of Science and Industry, $13.50-19.75, all ages
Carl Palmer’s ELP Legacy
Legendary English drummer Carl Palmer brings the songs of Emerson, Lake & Palmer to life on the Aladdin Theater stage for the Portland stop on a touring honoring the legacy of the progressive rock supergroup.
8 pm, Aladdin Theater, $39.50-42, all ages
Irish Beer Festival
The latest hops-infused installment of a new St. Patrick’s Day tradition in Portland, the Irish Beer Festival features specialty Irish style beers and ciders from Northwest breweries and cideries including Ninkasi, Migration, Sunriver, Widmer, Cider Riot!, Coalition, and more; admission includes souvenir glass, seven taster tokens, live music, entertainment, and food specials.
11 am, Kells Brewery, $10-20
Rasheed Jamal, Dead Sonics, Bocha, Sus
Portland artists Rasheed Jamal and Bocha join forces with Seattle’s Sus and Dead Sonics to spearhead this intimate Pacific NW hip-hop showcase in the Atlantis Lounge.
9 pm, Mississippi Pizza Pub & Atlantis Lounge, $8
Geezer, Zombabes
For St. Patrick’s Day the Fixin’ To pays tribute to a pair of the ’90s biggest bands, Weezer and the Cranberries, with members of Summer Cannibals, Rare Monk, Mini Blinds, Lubec, and other local all-stars coming together to bring classic alt-rock favorites to (probably slightly sloshed) new life.
9 pm, The Fixin’ To, $7
Bend It Like Beckham
This surprise hit from 2002 wasn’t in American theaters for very long; most people discovered the film on DVD So it’s definitely worth catching this 35mm screening of the charming romcom/drama/sports/family film about a teenage girl whose skill at football causes trouble in her strict Punjabi Sikh household. Part of the Hollywood Theatre’s Feminist March film series.
1 pm, Hollywood Theatre, $7-9, all ages
Daydream Machine, Shadowlands, Young Elders
The Doug Fir presents a smattering of Pacific NW dark wave, psych, and shoegaze, with local post-punk act Shadowlands celebrating the release of their brand new full-length.
8 pm, Doug Fir, $10-12
Barfly’s 18th Annual St. Patrick’s Day Bus Tour
Jen Lane’s Barfly Bus will spirit you to a number of bars all over town so as to properly sample the alcoholic bounty available as Portland celebrates St. Patrick’s.
7 pm, Various Locations, $25-30
Sunday, Mar 18
XRAY.FM’s Birthday Bash
Put on your celebrating pants, because XRAY.fm is turning four years old. That’s four years of excellent community radio, with talk and music to get you through your day. It kicks off with a panel discussion about radio’s vital role in our current democracy, and then it’s party time, with the Birthday Bash featuring music from Maarquii, Máscaras, and the Bedrooms, plus DJs, prizes, mini-cupcakes, and more. NED LANNAMANN
7:30 pm, Mississippi Studios, $15
Daniel Mallory Ortberg
The internet is bad, but Daniel Mallory Ortberg is good. The co-editor of beloved now-defunct site the Toast and author of 2014’s Texts from Jane Eyre, Ortberg also serves as Slate’s Dear Prudence, and brightens Twitter with hyperliterate jokes about everything from coming out as trans to hypothetical crossovers between Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Daphne du Maurier’s Rebecca. Ortberg’s latest book, The Merry Spinster: Tales of Everyday Horror promises to carry on the proud tradition of the Toast column “Children’s Stories Made Horrific”. MEGAN BURBANK
7:30 pm, Powell’s City of Books, free
Brahms’ Violin Concerto
Conductor Carlor Kalmar and violinist Vadim Gluzman lead the Oregon Symphony through a performance of Brahms: Violin Concerto, with the symphony also performing Dvořák’s The Water Goblin and Hanson’ Symphony No. 4, “Requiem.”
7:30 pm, Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, $24-120, all ages
Holi Hai—The Festival of Colors
DJ Prashant and DJ skee provide the sounds for this Bollywood dance party where attendees dress all in white while getting showered with sounds and powder colors.
3 pm, Barrel Room, $17-25
Shamrock Run
The largest running and walking event in Oregon celebrates its 40th anniversary, with 30,000 participants gathering at Waterfront Park to take part in a series of competitive races, fitness walks, and children’s events.
8 am, Tom McCall Waterfront Park, click here for a complete schedule of events
Tank Girl
In 1995, Rachel Talalay directed an adaptation of the cult comic Tank Girl, starring Lori Petty and Naomi Watts. Nobody in the film industry had carved out a space for something like Tank Girl to exist within, so when Talalay and Petty made that space, a lot of people (men) sneered at its loud, scattered, ridiculous indulgence and dismissed it. And it is those things! Most comic book adaptations are! But instead of starring roided-up hulkmen bleeding asinine catchphrases, Tank Girl centers on an irreverent feminist anti-hero who gives not one solitary fuck about protecting for any dude’s limited conception of what “comic book” movies can be. Tank Girl, even in its compromised, misunderstood form, is still something of a minor miracle of the genre. It shouldn’t exist. But there she is. Straddling a tank turret, laughing, and flying double birds at you from 1995. BOBBY ROBERTS
2:45 pm & 9:45 pm, Academy Theater, $3-4
Phillip Phillips
Not only does Mr. Phillips make music so crowdpleasing he won American Idol, but he proved that having a really redundant name doesn’t have to stop you from achieving your dreams.
8:30 pm, Wonder Ballroom, $27.50-149, all ages
Neighborhood Brats, Mr. Wrong, Macho Boys
The bill sure as hell looks like a whole buncha sonic tantrums are gonna get thrown at the Black Water. That’s a good thing, in this case.
8 pm, Black Water Bar, $7
Cortége, A//tar, ZYL, Erin Jane Laroue
Austin duo Cortége bring their experimental doom and prog rock up to the Pacific NW for a headlining show at the High Water Mark. Likeminded locals A//tar, ZYL, and Erin Jane Laroue lend their own heavy sounds to the proceedings.
9 pm, High Water Mark, $5
The Capitol Steps
The Washington DC-based political satire group known for their Government-skewering song parodies and comedy routines bring their act to Revolution Hall for the Portland stop on the “Orange is the New Barack” tour.
7 pm, Revolution Hall, $35-65, all ages
Clothing Swap
Modified Style Portland will host a Clothing Swap that will benefit Dress for Success Oregon and Project Lemonade. The cost is $8 with a bag of clothing and $12 without, just make sure anything you bring is just slightly used and clean.
3 pm, Crystal Ballroom, $8-12
Don’t forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!