We can all agree everything I’ve written in this blog has been funny. That’s easy enough. But there has been some concern that it’s all a bit too negative. “What do you actually like?” “What do you care about?” “What can you come out in support of?” These are questions people ask in the comments, even if they prefer to spell it “shut up, pussy.”
A popular tech blogger even took a shot at people like me when she said the Internet was filled with “300 word snark-fests by junior reporters paid $12 a post.” Hey! I’m paid WAY MORE than $12/post. But your point remains, I’m too snarky. It’s time to turn down the neggy and turn up the possy. Here are 5 things I wholeheartedly support and endorse.
If squash had a motto it would be, “Squash: A friendly reminder that people are supposed to be miserable during the winter.”
7:04 PM – 15 Oct 12
This tweet is perfectly constructed: the idea of squash having a motto is cute while the premise—attacking squash for tasting terrible—is right on. Plus, like all good tweets, there’s a dark undertone posing the real possibility that humans aren’t meant to be happy.
[2] This hilarious Amazon review of Anne Bishop’s “Daughter of the Blood”
Daughter of the Blood is a miserable book, and this review excellently sums up the problems with it. Plus, it manages to be totally funny the whole time. Balls! Ha! The reviewer clearly has a sense of style that would be worth $12 for a 300 word blog post at least!
This concert review had several great insights into hip hop shows. It even includes a Teddy Ruxpin reference!
[4] This incredible tweet about the presidential debate last week
In future debates, the moderator should be able to tase candidates who talk after she tells them their time is up. #debates
7:28 PM – 16 Oct 12
The debates generated a lot of funny responses, but this is my favorite because it focuses on the main problem of the town-hall style debate: people talking over each other are hard to listen to. The only way to make debates less annoying is to force the candidates to actually follow the rules. Whoever this clever person is who tweeted this, really knows what he/she is talking about.
[5] This indefatigable blog post
Yes, this one. It’s a masterful example of taking constructive criticism (occassionaly dressed up as petty insults from somebody who clearly didn’t read the thing they’re commenting on). It’s also self-aggrandizing in a tongue-and-cheek way that is amusing and helpful to the author’s career.
Please leave your responses in comments and I’ll translate them into compliments in my head.
[1] You misspelled “Ruxpin” unless you’re creating a term for inserting your dick in one of the stuffed bears and rotating the thing.
[2] See, I remembered that you’re a guy.
Aw, man. I thought I’d fixed that. Well, now nobody will know what you were talking about.
I appreciate the positivity, Alex. But like it or not there are always two sides to every coin/post – in this case the heads side contains all the nice things you’ve found, and the tails side contains all the bad things that you didn’t say outloud but were still thinking anyway. I’m reading this post as you basically unspokenly saying, “I’m great and funny, but that other guy IAN KARMEL is not!” I mean, where’s the praise for him? Not here, I’ll tell you that. So what’s up with that? Do you really think you’re that much better than him? I mean, maybe you are – I don’t know! – but what I do know is that Ian probably read this and was like, “screw that guy, you know? I though we had a mutual support/promotion system going. But I guess not…”
Also, do you have any jokes about how your last name is almost “Falcon”? Or did you retire those already, having run through them in your early comic years?
Daughter of the Blood is an amazing book.
… You’re kidding, right Kiala? Which was your favorite part? Was it the man’s balls being cut off with rusty scissors for entertainment or when the 12-year-old was raped to death?