Dustin Hoffman Looks Like a Raisin

Last Chance Harvey neglects one vital truism regarding the entertainment value of romantic comedies: No one wants to see old people bone. No one cares about the sex lives of the aged. In fact, in this movie even the elderly in question can barely be bothered.

Harvey (the usually excellent Dustin Hoffman—WTF, Dusty?) is a dismal, depressed little man who has just arrived in London for his daughter’s wedding. Scene after relentlessly feel-bad scene goes to near-unwatchable lengths to demonstrate just what a hapless schmuck Harvey is—because, for some reason, it is also a truism that the more pathetic the man, the more transcendent the eventual romance. All is hopeless, London has terrible traffic, Dustin Hoffman looks like a raisin—enter a Single Woman of a Certain Age (Emma Thompson), AKA Harvey’s last chance. Cue manipulative musical montages and affirmations that life is worth living. (The ironically minded audience member will appreciate the cognitive dissonance here.)

Dustin Hoffman demonstrates that charm is a finite quantity and can be exhausted. Emma Thompson is approximately nine feet tall, and were she to have any chemistry with Dustin Hoffman, which she does not, any prolonged embrace would threaten her center of balance with disastrous consequences that would be funnier than anything in this movie. Your mom will probably cry. You will probably want to punch someone.