THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26
EDIBLE—You are too lazy to cook a feast and even if you
did, your friends likely wouldn’t eat it… even if you had friends. So
be thankful for the Doug Fir’s Thanksgiving Feast, providing almost all
you need. Maybe even friends. PAC
Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, noon–close, $22 ($12 for children
12 & under)
INEDIBLE—If you want something to do on Turkey Day that
doesn’t (and shouldn’t, despite the name) have anything to do with
food, burn some calories with Peaches. Her latest, I Feel Cream,
is croonier than usual, but you know she can still fuck the pain away
like a rock star. MS
Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell, 8 pm, $20-25, all ages
LET US CELEBRATE SHAOLIN—You know what? Thanksgiving
dinner can go screw, because the best—indeed, the
only—way to give thanks for all of our “blessings” is to
zombie out on kung fu for six hours! The Clinton Street
Theater’s annual Thanksgiving Kung Fu Mini-Marathon returns this
year, with a mere $5 getting you six hours of over-the-top chop-socky
action—including a screening of Black Dynamite! EH
Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, 6 pm-midnight
(Black Dynamite at 9 pm), $5
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 27
SANTA VS. VEGANS—Bright and early, Mr. Claus and his
beloved friends will take to SW Broadway in a merry march celebrating
Macy’s and shopping and family and reindeer and Macy’s. But, alas, all
is not well in this winter wonderland. Two hours later, a
“family-friendly” anti-fur march will follow in Santa’s golden
footsteps, casting shame on downtown retailers. SHAAAAAAME! SM
Macy’s parade begins at 8:45 am, NW Park & Davis; Fur Free
Friday march begins 11:30 am, SW Yamhill & Broadway
LAFFS—Sketch troupe the 3rd Floor brings
reliable laughs to the holiday season, with an annual holiday show that
promises “little to nothing to do with the holidays.” This year’s show
is called “Whiskey-Powered Taco Fight.” (Or: The Best Christmas
Ever.) AH
Miracle Theatre, 525 SE Stark, Fri-Sat 8 pm, $12 ($2 off with two
cans of food), through Dec 26
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 28
HELIO INFREQUENTS—The Helio Sequence’s Keep Your
Eyes Ahead was one of the most beautiful local releases of 2008,
and certainly their greatest recorded accomplishment to date. They
rarely play in town, though, so don’t miss this chance to catch them
before the next long wait. MS
w/Panther, Ramona Falls; Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 8 pm,
$16, all ages
SMASHY SMASHY!—It ends here, watermelon. You’ve been
lying around getting fat as the “king of the melons” for far too long.
Tonight you will meet your violent fate at the blunt end of Gallagher’s
swinging sledgehammer. Honestly, I’m not sure what else the aging
comedian does other than destroy produce, but any event in which the
first few rows are required to wear slickers will always be
endorsed by this fine publication. EAC
Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie, 8 pm, $25-30, all
ages
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 29
SHOP—Both the Secret Society Ballroom and the Cleaners
will be hosting fantastic craft sales featuring local handmade art,
jewelry, and all things crafty. Boycott the mall and stock up on unique
holiday gifts while simultaneously bolstering your community. Good job,
you. RN
Secret Society Ballroom, 116 NE Russell, Sun 11 am-5 pm; The
Cleaners at the Ace Hotel, 1022 SW Stark, Sat 11 am-7 pm, Sun 11 am-5
pm
YOU WHO TWO—New monthly kids’ variety show You Who
returns for its second installment, hosted by Jesse Sandoval with music
by Quasi, the Portland Ukulele Project, and Vursatyl, plus cartoons
from Cartune Xprez—with costumes, parades, and more, You Who is
way more fun that you ever had as a kid. NL
w/DJ Anjali; Kennedy School, 5736 NE 33rd, 1 pm, $10 adults
w/children, $5 children ages 2-12, FREE for children 2 & under ($15
adults without children)
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 30
TWO’S A CROWD—For a mere two people, Japandroids make
one hell of a huge sound: soaring, fist-pumping rock anthems driven by
punk energy and a sense of classic rock grandeur. The Vancouver, BC’s
first full-length, Post-Nothing, is a tumbling, rapid-fire rock
record that doesn’t scrimp on melody. NL
w/Surfer Blood, Little Girls, DJ Vision Quest; Holocene, 1001 SE
Morrison, 8:30 pm, $8-10
MOZ—Morrissey is living the dream of many a sad
hipster: He’s turned self-loathing into a career. Not only that, but
he’s 100 percent swoon worthy. Respect. AH
Roseland, 8 NW 6th, 8 pm, $49.50, all ages
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 1
HOOPS—Not to be confused with Dwayne Wayne of A
Different World, Dwayne Wade is arguable the best player in the
NBA. Tonight Wade will be bringing his mediocre Miami Heat to town to
rumble with Brandon Roy and the Portland Trail Blazers. The winning
team gets a pair of flip-up sunglasses. EAC
Rose Garden, 1 Center Ct, 7 pm, $9-150, broadcast on KGW
CHAMPAGNE—Pix is giving the Don Ho treatment to the
month of December by celebrating those fantastic libations with tiny
bubbles that tickle the nose. Kick off their month-long Bubbly
Spectacular tonight with $5 pours of some truly top-notch bubbly.
PAC
Pix Patisserie, 3901 N Williams, 5 pm-midnight, FREE
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 2
WISE UP—Three storytelling groups team up for a
holiday-themed extravaganza of true tales told live; Back Fence PDX,
Mortified, and True Stories present Word to the Wise(men) tonight, a
wordy winter wonderland of embarrassing personal accounts and festive
anecdotes. Hosted by Adam Shearer, with musical guest John Roderick of
the Long Winters. Did we mention free Saint Cupcakes? AR
Bagdad Theater, 3702 SE Hawthorne, 7:30 pm, $12-15, 21+
NAKED—White Bird is one of Portland’s reliably great
dance companies. The human form is the greatest argument for a divine
creator and/or the majesty of evolution. These are sample arguments you
can employ when going to see Daniel Léveillé’s naked
dance show tonight. Who said cultural enrichment can’t come from a
stranger’s butt? DB
Leftbank Annex, 101 N Weidler, Wed Dec 2-Sun Dec 6, 8 pm, Sun Dec
6, 2 pm, $26