Former Willamette Week staffer Byron Beck took this photo at the paper’s “best of” party last night. It shows the WW‘s editor Mark Zusman, and Mayor Sam Adams in what can only be termed as “an awkward cuddle.” Earlier yesterday, Zusman published a page-and-a-half-long editorial endorsing Sam’s recall.
ZUSMAN AND ADAMS: SITTING IN A TREE…
Using my close-to-psychic body-language-reading skills I have attained an accurate subtext of the conversation, which I will post sometime this afternoon. In the meantime, let’s have a caption contest! Put your best caption/subtext in the comments below.
“Sam! Baby! Let me sell you some ad space so you can debunk all those nasty recall people. For you? 10% off!”
Afterwards we can give you a staff position uncovering city hall. There’s interns.
“Forget politics, bro! Come over to the dark side, newspapers are thriving!”
“Plastics”
“Sam, why do the Portland media continue to socialize with the people whom they’re supposed to be covering?”
A hand on a shoulder and it can “only be termed” as an awkward cuddle. I think you’re letting your homoerotic fantasies get the best of you again, mate.
“Sam, I’m a tough guy… see? And you’ve never been ‘effed in the A’ like I’m gonna ‘eff you in the A’… see? Nyahh! See?”
To paraphrase the funniest thing I read this week – “And crazy as it sounds, you yourself should sign the petition. If you are confident most Portlanders want to move on, what better way to prove it than giving them a chance to agree with you?”
Or as an alternate “You guys aren’t doing any hiring anytime soon are you? I am way more qualified than that Ruiz chick.”
“Sam just so you know, if I were gay…”
“Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me. I’d fuck me so haard..”
Sam I just need one more lie to save my dying newspaper.
“No offense Sam, but without this story my paper would shrink to the size of the Weekly Saver coupon mailer.”
“I’ve got chiiiiills… they’re multiplyin’/ and I’m looooosing contro-ol!”
“I have to tell you Sam; we did a poll of our key demographic, 65 and older with head trauma, and there is no way you are going to survive this.”
Okay I quit. This is not a productive use of my time.
“You know I am straight. But when I hear you talk about the UGB I get this tingle that runs up my leg.”
I lied, recall me.
From Falling Down –
Sergeant Prendergast: Is that what this is about? Is that why my chicken dinner is drying out in the oven? You’re mad because they lied to you? Listen, pal, they lie to everyone. They lie to the fish. But that doesn’t give you any special right to do what you did today.
I can’t stop dancing – Falling Down II
Mark: We’re the same, you and me. We’re the same, don’t you see?
Sam: We are not the same. I’m an American and you’re a sick asshole.
Mark: Just what kind of vigilante are you?
Sam: I am not a vigilante. I am just trying to get home to my little girl’s birthday party and if everyone will just stay out of my way, nobody will get hurt.
From the WWeek “What were we thinking?”
“Steve R. writes on Jul 30th, 2009 12:23pm
What did you and Sam Adams talk about at the BOP party? Did you ask him to sign the recall petition?
Mark Zusman writes on Jul 30th, 2009 5:11pm
I did
Steve R. writes on Jul 30th, 2009 5:40pm
And he said…?
Mark Zusman writes on Jul 30th, 2009 9:25pm
I guess I should have answered that earlier. His lips said nothing, but his eyes suggested I was addled.”
I WIN! Where is my fucking t-shirt?