“I WANT THIS DONE NOW. NOW, IF THERE ARE NO DEADLINES, NOTHING GETS DONE IN THIS TOWN!!!” That’s the President on health care reform. Swoon:
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OBAMA: SAYS REFORM ‘ISN’T ABOUT ME…’

PASSENGER WRESTS GUN FROM CARJACKER, SHOOTS FLEEING ROBBER!!! On Southeast 84th.

NINE WOMEN ACCUSE TRAILER PARK MANAGER OF SEXUAL ASSAULT!!! At 6415 NE Killingsworth.

MADOFF BILL WOULD CHARGE RICH INMATES $90 A DAY FOR JAIL!!! Ouch.

BABY BOOMERS MOST SELFISH GENERATION IN AMERICAN HISTORY!!! What hope for their children?

PEEPHOLE OUTRAGE!!! New York Post is outraged by these hot nude pixxx of alleged ESPN anchor.

CHRIS BROWN!!! Is sorry:

BROWN: “I AM VERY SAD AND VERY ASHAMED OF WHAT I HAVE DONE…”

BACKYARD BURIALS ARE THE NEW IN-HOME BIRTHS!!! Except, you know, they’re stupid.

Good day.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=n4SD6oBvbKY%26hl%3Den%26fs%3D1%26

Matt Davis was news editor of the Mercury from 2009 to May 2010.

5 replies on “Good Morning, News!!”

  1. Is Chris Brown the worlds most famous bus boy or something? Did he break the worlds biggest tub of crystal wine glasses? I don’t get it.

  2. What’s stupid is paying someone thousands of dollars to fill you with chemicals, dig a hole, and drop your body in it. This works for some people, of course it wouldn’t work in the city.

  3. Yeah there’s nothing more dictatorial than practically begging Congress to enact your health care reform, without the tiniest sniff of any actual coercion.

    Watch out, Stalin!

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