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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Fate is Santa Claus, and Cupid is his helper. I’m so grateful because (oooh) they brought us together. LET’S GO TO PRESS.
Trump has agreed to shut down his charity that was under investigation for “persistently illegal conduct” which allegedly involved lining his greedy pockets. But you know what they say… charity begins at home!
The White House is planning to pull all American troops out of Syria, as Trump makes the verrrrry dubious claim that the US has “defeated ISIS.” As usual with his pronouncements, all facts point to the opposite.
Get ready for a shock: The Senate has overwhelmingly passed a bipartisan criminal justice reform bill that will reduce federal prison sentences (many stemming from drugs) to the tune of 53,000 hours over the next ten years.
The Senate is also poised to pass a short term spending bill that would keep the government open until early February, while denying Trump the $5 billion he claims he needs to build his idiotic wall.
A federal judge has slammed Michael Flynn for “selling out his country,” and has delayed his sentence in order to give the former national security adviser a chance to further cooperate with Mueller’s probe.
In another win for Mueller, a federal appeals court ordered a mysterious company owned by a mysterious, unnamed foreign government to comply with the special prosecutor’s mysterious subpoena. MYSTERIOUS!
Today in “Oh Shit, Facebook Is Worse Than We Ever Imagined”: The New York Times is reporting that Facebook gave companies like Microsoft, Amazon, Spotify, and others a LOT more information than they previously disclosed, including letting some of these corporations read users private messages. You may now explode.
I know we live in a time and place where we’re supposed to treat billionaires like Zuckerberg like geniuses but I feel like “fucking up constantly” and “getting caught fucking up constantly” and “accidentally almost collapsing society” are the qualities of a huge dumbass
— Mark Agee (@MarkAgee) December 19, 2018
Fox News’ Tucker Carlson has lost a whopping 16 advertisers (so far) after saying on air that immigrants have made this country “dirtier and poorer.” One of these advertisers is “Just for Men”—which should be the tagline for Fox News.
Disney is under fire for trademarking the Swahili phrase “hakuna matata” which they used with colonizing glee in the Lion King.
Talented and beloved director/actress Penny Marshall has died at the age of 75.
IN LOCAL NEWS: An Oregon anti-Semitic white nationalist was hospitalized after a run in with antifa in Corvallis. Don’t get well soon!
A Portland man is arrested after brandishing a replica handgun on a MAX train in Southwest.
Uh-oh, Portland-based Zoom+Care’s new parent company has a history of homophobia, and our Blair Stenvick has the story.
Now let’s look at this goddamn WEATHER: Mostly cloudy today (with a just a possibility of a shower) and a high of 54.
And finally, a former NASA engineer devises an ingenious glitter bomb to take on front porch package thieves… and OH THE FUN HE HAS! (Bombing begins at 5:43.)
