Step one: Find a tauntaun.
Huh. Okay. Well, um, actually, I guess there’s only one step, really. So if you can’t find a tauntaun, you’re pretty much fucked. Good luck.
With honor and distinction, Erik Henriksen served as the executive editor of the Portland Mercury from 2004 to 2020. He can now be found at henriksenactual.com. More by Erik Henriksen
And I just won another 20 bucks. I win 10 bucks whenever you write the letters “taun” in succession, actually.
THAT’S how you spell “tauntaun”?
Really? Because I…well… I guess I thought it was spelled differently. Like “Thonthon”.
No wait. That’s that song about thongs.
“Thongthong”.
Tauntaun. Tauntaun. Tauntaun. Tauntaun. Tauntaun.
I can keep this up all day, Will. But I want a cut.