This one has been around for awhile, but worth trotting out for this reminder: Auditions for PIZZAZZ! (The Mercury‘s all-city talent show) is coming up on SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, and I know many of you are looking for the perfect act that will win you 1000 smackeroos! (Find out more, and enter here!)
See, if I were you, I would memorize and perform this lady dog owner’s monologue, which I think should be called “He Bite Me in My Vagina.” Like all truly great theater, this has it all: laughter, tears, and a lawyer almost getting his crotch eaten. (Her unforgettable entrance is at the one minute mark.)
Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.) More by Wm. Steven Humphrey
That dogs’ owner needs to have her head examined. If the dog is a known biter (and it is apparently so) then it should be on a leash and muzzled. The dogs owner is screwed, and rightfully so.
that was the best thing I’ve seen all day.
“…annnnnd thats my life!”
This is why I intern for the Merc. Thank you, sir. : D