Dear Church Elders,
I have to admit I was pretty surprised after reading your letter below. I had NO IDEA that divorcing Mrs. Wm. Steven Humphrey the first (as well as Mrs. Wm. Steven Humphrey the second and third) would cause such a problem for the church and for evangelical Christianity in particular. While I certainly accept responsibility for causing the divorces (especially since committing the “responsibilities” were so much fun!), I have to say I think it’s totes harsh that you’ve decided to “turn me over to Satan.” (Especially since Satan turned me over to you three years ago.)
You guys suck, for reals!
Sincerely,
Wm. Steven Humphrey

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Actual story here.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

4 replies on “Crap. Guys… I’ve Been Handed Over to Satan!!”

  2. I feel a little bad about dropping the dime on you to the Elders, but when you started dissing TOY STORY 3, I kind of lost it. Sorry.

  3. What kind of psychopath can unironically type the line “we also desire to obey our Lord and protect His Church from unrepentant sin, so that we can present a pure bride to Christ?”

  4. Cuckoo people. OMG and Lord Jebus. What have they written. If I wouldn´t see all this seriousness I would post something funny cuz the letter scuse me is actually kinda funny. Who would take that seriously.

    Now am wondering if somebody has already delivered me to Satan with a bow on top of my head or where can I get an update on that. Just to know where I stand at the moment.

    What I don´t find funny is a congregation of people judging on some one else`s life.

    Elders you`re supposed to be wise and shit now you all efed up.

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