Blazers vs Jazz – Hot Live Blog Action

Live from the Rose Garden as the Portland Trail Blazers take on the Utah Jazz. Finally, a game that really matters. Portland and Utah have identical records and are tied for second place in the Northwest Division. Portland needs to win to have a chance at the tie-breaker with Utah, while the Jazz need this game to prove that they can actually win games outside the tender cradle of the Mormon Dome (or whatever their arena is called).

PRE-GAME:
How bad is Utah on the road? Glad you asked. They are 14-21 away from SLC, which is actually worse than the Blazers’ road record. Even better (for Portland), is that the Jazz have six upcoming road games against winning teams. 0-6? Probably.

In the words of Charlie Parker—a longtime Jeff Hornacek fan—”If you don’t live it, it won’t come out your horn.” You hear that, Jazz? You gonna live it or what?

Portland is gonna live it with a little less flair since Rudy Fernandez is out with a sore back.

FIRST QUARTER:
10:29 – Brandon Roy is ready for this. He tosses up a soft running pass for Aldridge and an easy layup. Following a miss by the men in the powder blue uniforms, Steve Blake knocks back a three. 7-2 Portland.

8:12 – Sweet baby Jesus. Roy hits a three, the Blazers steal the inbound, and Blake connects with another from deep. 15-4 Blazers. Like tee-ball, the officials are going to call this a mercy rule game if the lead reaches 15 points. Then we can all go home and have orange slices!!!

6:45 – Portland seriously cannot miss right now. They are shooting an invincible 80% from the field. Oh, make that 81%, Roy just dunked it. 21-9 Portland.

5:43 – 83%. Roy again. 23-11 Portland.

5:02 – 84%. Nicolas Batum with a dunk. Utah might want to look into defending the area in and around the basket. 25-13 Portland.

4:13 – Greg Oden is even getting in on the action. It’s going that well for Portland. Oden nabs a rebound with the palm of his hand, while tangled with the Turkish Terror, Mehmet Okur. Portland will probably score 50 this quarter. 30-13 Blazers.

1:42 – If it wasn’t for Carlos Boozer, Utah would be worse off than they are now. He has 12 of their 19 points, and 10 of their first 13. And if it wasn’t for booze, I wouldn’t be so drunk right now. 34-21 Blazers.

0:41 – I’ll give Sergio Rodriguez credit for coming up with two steals, but both ensuing fastbreaks were butchered by him. He got lucky on the first one—Oden followed the miss with a dunk—but on the next play he drew a charge from the beautiful mass of hair gel that is Kyle Korber. 39-25 Blazers.

SECOND QUARTER:
11:10 – Oden is a foul machine—no surprise there—but so far tonight he’s done a good job of drawing as many as he commits. As I typed that, he picked up his third foul in about five minutes. So, uh, never mind. 39-29 Blazers.

7:54 – Andrei Kirilenko just did some weird granny pass between his legs to Deron Williams. Even stranger than that, Sergio just hit his second three-pointer of the night. 46-33 Portland.

6:50 – Kirilenko with a breakaway dunk. Dude, where my lead at? 46-38 Blazers.

5:44 – Paul Millsap picks up his Odenesque third foul. That’s good news for Portland’s low-post players, and those of us who like to see a man in a powder blue uniform throw a temper tantrum. 50-38 Portland.

2:30 – Boozer can still score, but his defense has fallen off since the days when he was the best PF in basketball not named Tim Duncan. Aldridge has been owning him all night long. Well, at least he’ll always have his rental properties to fall back on. Just as long as he doesn’t rent to Prince again. Of course every thing ended up purple, what did you expect? 55-44 Blzrs.

0:35 – I will now describe what happened on the wildest play ever™. Um, everyone touched the ball, Utah missed a few times, got the rebound, lost the ball, then stole it from Portland and just repeated the process. My head hurts from watching that. 59-48 Portland.

61 points at the first half? Wow. Halfway there, 61-48 Portland.

THIRD QUARTER:
10:35 – Utah’s defensive goal: Don’t give up 61 points in the second half. 64-52 Portland.

9:04 – Violet Palmer loves the sound her whistle makes. Steve Blake is whistled—by the NBA’s lone female referee—for the phantom foul of getting too close to Deron Williams’ aura. I guess that’s what happened. 69-54 Blazers.

8:28 – Cool as fuck, Roy picks up a loose ball and toss it over his shoulder to Blake… three points. Time out Utah. Jerry Sloan needs a stiff drink. 73-57 PDX.

7:21 – Blazers score off a rare four player fastbreak with zero defenders back. I have a feeling that Sergio would have found a way to blow that play. 76-57 Blazers.

6:35 – Hello playoff atmosphere. Blake with a halfcourt (!) bullet pass to Aldridge for the running dunk. If this was NBA Jam (It’s not?), the entire Blazers team would be engulfed in flames right now. 78-57 Blazers.

4:55 – Your daily Przybilla fight post. The Vanilla Gorilla and Boozer met at center court for some heated conversation = Double technical fouls. Uhoh, both guys kept chatting after the whistle and now both players have been thrown out of the game. Boozer is booed, while Przybilla high-fives his way down the tunnel. That guy could snap someone’s neck and people here would politely applaud. 80-59 Portland.

2:41 – Roy fouls Korver hard under the basket. WATCH THE FACE!!! Jerry Sloan comes out to protect his most beautiful of players and is tossed from the game. Ejection city USA! 87-63 Portland.

2:10 – Outlaw for three and now Portland has their biggest lead of the game, 25 points. Utah has no coach, so it’s complete anarchy. Every player is checking themselves in, they now have 11 guys on the court and are using three basketballs at the same time. It’s like multi-ball. Okay, that was a lie, but Outlaw did hit that three. 90-65 Blzrs.

FOURTH QUARTER:
10:45 – Why the hell is Roy checking back into this game? To get hurt? I am not cool with this. 98-77 Blazers.

8:42 – Batum for three. Again. He now has 17. Now McMillan better sit his ass on the bench—with Roy, Blake, and Aldridge—or else. Meanwhile, Przybilla is in the locker room going through everyone else’s stuff. 105-78 Blzrs.

5:17 – Oden checks into the game, because… uh… I have no idea why. Nice decision pulling a bench player—Channing Frye—and bringing in your most fragile player to protect a 19 point lead. 109-90 Portland.

3:31 – Roy for three, just to rub it in a little. Okay, a lot. 118-94 Portland.

2:39 – Shavlik & Ruffin: Two Renegade Cops that Don’t Play By the Rules. Or, perhaps, two Blazers bench players whose very appearance signals a complete and total blowout. 120-97 Portland.

0:00 – And that will do it. Portland takes hold of second place (at least for tonight) and with 31 home wins on the season, ties the mark set by the ’91-92 team. Your final score: Portland 125, Utah 104.

See you on April 10th when the Lakers return to the Rose Garden (and Przybilla probably gets kicked out of another game).