I like watching TV shows where people work hard for a living. I put them on in the background while I sit around my apartment doing fuck all. Recently The Discovery Channel seems to be focusing all their energy on shows about horribly unqualified gold miners endangering their own lives, and if you don’t have a conscience, I highly recommend them.
It started with Gold Rush, a show about a group of hillbillies from outside Salem, OR who inexplicably decide the only way to pay their bills was to move to Alaska and strip mine the most beautiful land in the country. Here’s how this decision seems to have gone: “Our tiny airport is going bankrupt.” “I tried gold mining 30 years ago and sucked at it.” “Let’s borrow a bunch of money and move to Alaska to give you a second chance.”
Then Discovery realized that they could combine Gold Rush with another of my favorite shows about unsafe workers, Deadliest Catch, to to make an even more dangerous and stupid show, Bering Sea Gold. I was at the Seattle aquarium recently and they wear back-up O2 tanks when they dive in 10 feet of safe water to feed fish. The miners don’t have emergency air tanks when they dive under 30 feet of ice to vacuum gold off the floor of the Bering Sea. Every episode with no deaths is a total miracle.
The newest addition to the lineup is Jungle Gold wherein a couple completely unlikable American men move to Ghana to pull precious metals from the African Gold Belt. Instead of loveable Oregon hicks, these are former real estate tycoons and MMA fighters from Salt Lake City. Every week they’re confronted by armed Chinese miners, swindled by locals, or yelled at by their American investors. It’s filmed like a horror movie and so far, nothing good has happened to any of them. It’s beautiful.
If these people were getting rich and living the good life, I couldn’t watch them. But Discovery knows I want to feel superior while also watching unlicensed people drive heavy machinery. It’s a perfect combination like sweat pants and pizza or unemployment and cable TV.
If they ain’t makin’ moonshine too, I ain’t watchin’.
These shows sound way better than Redneck Island. Alex, have you tuned in to that one? It’s on Saturday nights at like 11pm.
So, pretty much everyone who lives outside of Portland and is not in your little subculture is a “redneck” or “hick”? Fail. These shows do suck though. However the fact you watch them says a lot about you.
I’m sorry, I made this unclear. I LOVE these shows. And I haven’t watched Redneck Island but you can be certain I will now.
They call themselves rednecks, @The Showstopper. Also, the 8 inch goatees might have given it away too.
Discovery Channel hates the environment, apparently.
I got sucked into a 5 episode marathon last night watching Jungle Gold, by episode 4, I dared my daughter to change the channel! After all, it was her who recorded the series and placed them in my Comcast recorded shows.
“I will ground you, say I won’t.. NOW. GIVE. ME. THE. REMOTE. BACK.”