Ummmm…. only the most anticipated new series of the year debuts tonight: BATMAN BABIES! (Fox, 8 pm) (I’m going to keep repeating that title until it sticks.)

Also…

9:00 FOX SLEEPY HOLLOW

Season premiere! The return of TV’s second craziest show! (Scandal is and always will be number one.)

And…

Scorpion (CBS, Mon Sept 22, 9 pm). Based on the true story of Walter O’Brien—who hacked into NASA at age 13, and went on to help nab the Boston bombers—Scorpion is about a group of crackpot geniuses (and a normal waitress?) who fight terrorists—with the power of their brains! While much more exciting than most of your grandparents’ CBS shows, it still smells a little like strawberry Ensure.

Read more I Love Television™ here!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=//www.youtube.com/embed/mZdG170ZmMo

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)